Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Like Pretending

Like Pretending

by FAUXnostalgia 1 Reviews

I'm always drawing my shadow on a wall, to see if I really am here. But when the skies darken & the clouds weep, my shadow is washed away. And I don't see myself anymore.

Category: Naruto - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Characters: Naruto - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2006/07/03 - Updated: 2006/07/03 - 584 words

TITLE: Like Pretending
RATED: G
PAIRING: eventual sasunaru
GENRE: angst
DISCLAIMER: don't own Naruto
SUMMARY: I'm always drawing my shadow on a wall, to see if I really am here. But when the skies darken & the clouds weep, my shadow is washed away. And I don't see myself anymore. [quadrabble]






like pretending

I always thought that, maybe, if I try hard enough, it could happen. That, maybe, if I try my very best, I can actually accomplish something worthwhile. So I try and try, but my strength never reaches anyone's admiration. The strength I accomplish by myself, without Kyuubi's help.


There's no difference in what is worth it and what is not. I figured that out the moment I was abandoned. In this world, your existence either merits a person's satisfaction or you can be one of those who digs but never finds anything.


I'm always drawing my shadow on a wall, to see if I really am here. But when the skies darken and the clouds weep, my shadow is washed away, and I don't see myself anymore.


It's as if I was never there, in front of you, no matter how big I smiled, or no matter how many times I asked you if I could play on the swing set with you. Like when I tripped and fell on my knees, and blood flow from scratches that heal within seconds.


In the middle of a large, moving crowd, unable to stand, time only moves faster and everyone begins to blur, and I find tears flowing down my cursed cheeks. Who will help me up?


... and who exactly is this 'nobody' that can help? Tell me? Because I've been looking for them for a long time, and my feet hurt from walking.


There's no difference in what is worth it and what is not.


Because they believe that if Kyuubi isn't here, I'll be ordinary again. They believe that if they get rid of this demon I secretly turn to for comfort, I'll be able to interact like a normal person.


They believe that I'll be just like everyone. But if you take Kyuubi away, who else can I confide in when I'm hurt inside and this demon is the only thing that can numb it?


I don't get it. It's not like pretending to be ordinary was forced on my face. It's not like pretending I'm all right could make people feel better. It's not like pretending there's no demon in me can actually reassure the people in this village.


Because, in my eyes, I'm normal, I'm okay, and I'm NOT a monster.



There are times when I feel like I'm not normal, I'm not okay, and I AM a monster. But they'll go away and I'll feel like a human being soon. At least, one of these days, I will.



And then they'll see.


They'll see my mark, and my talent. And when they ask who dug the deeper hole and found their reasons of existence, they will finally move their eyes towards me and I will finally see my shadow in front of me, mingling with theirs in greeting. And then I'll SEE myself in their eyes and I'll know that I really AM alive.



And I will say:


"Naruto... Uzumaki Naruto exists."




tbc. I found this fanfic lying in my folders. Apparently I wrote it years ago when I first watched the few episodes of Naruto, which meant before he met anybody, and before team 7 existed. Please comment?
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