This kind of turned from a story to rambling.
Looking back on it now you were acting weirder than usual. Not your normal self, more distant from everyone, like you were trying to shut everyone out. Do you remember that day you told me that nothing is worth living for anymore? Well you were wrong. You were the only thing I loved, in a brother kind of way. Maybe I did had some kind of feelings buried deep down for you, but I never acknowledged them.
I remember when we were younger. Rugrats was your favorite show, your favorite ice cream was chocolate, and I was your best friend.
Let's move foward to your teens years. All the hints I didn't pick up on, the signs I missed. I was so caught up with everything else I had forgot to ask you 'are you ok?' or 'do you need to talk' or even a 'how is everything?'. I keep trying to remind myself that there's nothing I could've done, right? You told me on the phone it was something you had to do. Those very last words still ring over and over and over in my head. "Everything'll be ok. I promise." And then I could tell you were smiling, knowing everything was soon going to be over.
Everyday I go to my locker and expect you to be there smiling, your shiny eyes telling me everything is all better. Telling me that you were fine this entire time and I was just overreacting, but I know that's never going to happen. I expect to wake up one day and you'll be there laughing and smiling just like your oldself. I keep telling myself that everything will be better. Sometimes I dream of you. We laugh and cry and talk about everything. Mostly about our dreams, you always tell me how you wanted to be a doctor or a vet or something like that, I never really paid attention to what you were saying, I just appreciated your company. But then the reality hits me and I'm in class or at home on the computer or at hockey practice and your not there. You're not there to tell me to smile like usual. You're not there to say everything will be better, or to hug me when I cry. You weren't there when I got up and sung in front of the whole school and got laughed off the stage. You weren't there to tell me that I did wonderful and they were all Bieber loving fuckers who didn't know real music. You weren't there to tell everyone to fuck off as usual.
But it's ok, because I still love you and no matter what happens you're still my best friend and I love you and I'm sorry I couldn't have been there.
I love you.
This was put together really fast, and I've never written anything so depressing before. I never said any names so you can imagine it as Brendon, Ryan, Jon, or Spencer. So yeah R&R and suchness