I'm used to my little cell
I amuse myself
In my very own private hell
I wake up with a start, blinking my eyes rapidly trying to remember where I am…it’s all just a blur. My glasses are missing. I have that brief moment of panic, feeling around for them, before finally closing my hand around a lump in Gerard’s blanket...my glasses.
Once my eyes are on I look around the room. Gerard is missing and Frank is still asleep, breathing evenly. I shake him, and he groans.
"Mom...five more minutes...mmm..." he mumbles, burying his head farther into the blanket.
Sighing I roll my eyes, looking at Gerard’s clock…I’ll give Frank another five minutes.
"Time's up," I say after only a few seconds, I’m bored and Frank needs to get up. Our new friend groans, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
He blinks, looking confused, "How did I get in Gerard's bed?"
Frank’s eyes are closed once again. I don't respond because I know it’s pointless, he’ll figure it out eventually.
Just then Gerard walks back in the room, balancing a bag of coffee, creamer, sugar, a filter, the handle of the coffee pot from the kitchen in his mouth. Upon reaching his desk he drops everything and starts to make coffee. I swear he drinks more of the stuff than any normal person should.
"Stole it?" I question, yawning and stretching my stick thin arms.
"Yes,” Gerard answers not turning around. “Since you haven't gotten me a new one yet, mom will have to deal until then."
He then goes back to the coffee pot which is now almost filled with the black liquid. Gerard smiles, pouring himself a cup; he’s like a kid in a candy shop. I look over at Frank; he is asleep again. I thinking about asking Gerard for a cup of coffee but decide against it. My head still hurts from last night; I drank a little too much, and I know coffee won't make it any better. Nothing ever does.
"Bro, we're leaving in ten minutes," Gerard says, looking at his coffee, probably contemplating if he should dump it on Frank's head, making a duck face with his mouth. He decides not to, instead grabbing Frank by the leg and dragging him off the bed.
Frank yells in surprise, “Shit.”
"Frank, get up! We’re leaving in ten!" Gee says as Frank continues to just lay there, his face in Gerard's shag carpet.
He’s not much of a morning person.
Finally he moves, “You didn’t have to do that.”
I manage a smile; this morning, so far, has been a pretty good one. Gerard isn't drunk, and I have the two people I love the most in the same room as me. I made a mistake in smiling though because Gerard comes inches in front of my face, one eye open.
He is inspecting me.
I sit there, poker faced, waiting for him to talk.
"Was that....a smile? Mikey!" he jokes.
Frank comes in view behind Gerard's right shoulder, smiling widely.
I stick my tongue in my brother's face and he backs off, smiling.
"Fuck off..." I mumble, smile fading.
Jesus, the few times I smile, he has to make a big deal out of it. It upset me.
"Get dressed, bro, we're leaving soon," Gerard instructs, and I nod, leaving the room and going back in my own.
I put on the stupid uniform again, leaving my beanie on, and walk back into Gerard's room.
Gee and Frank are talking when I enter.
"...and I hope my mom's not pissed at me." Frank says, nervous. "I didn't tell her I wouldn't be home. She worries about me."
Gerard shakes his head, "It's not like you were doing something bad.”
"Okay, I'm ready," I announce my presence, still in the doorway.
The others pick up their book bags and I grab mine from the floor. All three of us head downstairs.
At the front door, Gerard stops me, grabbing my arm and turning me around. I jump.
"What?" I ask, shocked.
"Inhaler?" he questions me, looking concerned.
"Hold on!" I say, running up to my room, shoving CDs off my desk, looking for it. Eventually I find the thing in my sock drawer. Just as I am about to head back downstairs then I remember my MP3 player. Once I’ve pocketed both I hurry back down the stairs.
At the door our mom hands both Gerard and me lunches, looking at Frank.
Gerard looks in the paper bag, and scrunch us his face, disgusted. I don't even eat, so I don't bother to look in mine. I’ll find someone to give it to later.
"Oh, sweetie, I didn't know you were still here, I would have made one for you too..." mom says with a sympathetic look.
Frank shrugs, being polite, "Oh, no worries, Mrs. Way."
Gerard looks impatient, running his hand through his hair, sighing. Personally I would like to get out of the house. Mom is hovering and that makes me nervous. It’s like she knows something but refuses to bring it up.
"Let me get something for you real quick, hun," mom says, bustling about the kitchen.
Frank calls after her, "There's no need, Mrs. Way.”
"Oh, okay then honey!" my mom returns from the kitchen. "Have a good day at school, boys!"
Gerard widens his eyes, and Frank laughs at his face. The three of us walk outside, and I reach into my jacket pocket, grabbing out my MP3 player. I might as well have it out just in case I need it.
"Alright, for once we actually aren't going to be late," Gerard says, going to start the car. The engine just makes a weird noise and then goes dead.
Gerard groans, trying it again. The motor just turns over and over and over again, but the car still refuses to start. Gerard is beyond livid. He is scary when he’s mad.
"God damn it! Motherfucking piece of shit! Fuck you bitch!” He yells, banging his fists on the steering wheel causing it to produce a weak honking noise.
I glance at Frank who looks scared but is laughing at the same time. I think he’s just hiding his real feelings. Shrugging I turn my attention back to Gerard.
He tries starting the car again, and miraculously, it starts.
"That's what I fucking thought," Gerard says, smirking. "Bitch."
Frank is giggling in the back, and I smile again, remembering all the times Gerard has done this in the past. It seems to work every time, believe it or not. I think his car likes being yelled at.
All the excitement behind us, we drive to school in silence. Gerard's radio broke this summer, and we don't have the money to replace it. The only sounds are the broken muffler, the acceleration and squeaking of the car's breaks. It truly is a piece of shit. It does beat walking five miles to school everyday so I really can’t complain. If I’m going to have to attend school I’d rather have some kind of ride.
As we grow closer and closer to hell I wish I was able to somehow get out of it.