Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > cause love isn't about affection, it's about leadership1 Reviews
I knew this was necessary, I had known it all along. It was time to face the unavoidable.
I cleared my throat quietly but when he froze and turned his face to see if I'd woken up, I closed my eyes again and pretended to sleep.
I have no idea why I did that. Maybe to avoid the awkward moment when he'd learn that I was actually awake and he was, apparently, about to lift my body off the sofa chair trying not to touch me while I was unconscious.
There was a short pause before the cursing went on.
I regretted not getting up, he was going to touch me now. Yeah, it sounded so wrong when put like that, but he was going to touch me, and the memory of what had happened last time was still haunting me. My heart picked up its pace as I thought about the barely resistable urge I had felt when our hands had touched. I wasn't the least bit confident about things not ending badly if it was to happen again. I kept my eyes closed and held my breath.
"Don't wake up" I heard him whisper as he wedged his arm between me and the back of the chair and grabbed my feet with his spare hand. He lifted me up in a swift movement that left my head hanging back so that I could keep my eyes open without him noticing.
I noticed that I felt nothing abnormal, no traces of the dangerous urge I had felt. Must be the blanket. The relief felt like a headrush.
I stared at the wall that was now up-side-down and wondered why I hadn't just notified him that I was awake and walked to the loveseat I called my bed.
The only answer I could think of at first was that I didn't feel like making his life easier after him being such a pain in the ass last night. He could struggle for all I cared.
The next thought, which was trying very persistantly to make itself acknowledged in my head, was slightly more complicated. I felt like a teen being close to Frank. I liked it, it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, something I hadn't felt in years. Or perhaps ever. I wanted to kick myself.
I supressed a tiny smile but breathed out heavily when he dropped my other foot.
I was stuck in his arms in a position that very much resembled a retarded ballerina - my head hanging not-so-gracefully, making the blood engorge in my head, my other foot still tight held against his side and the other hanging loosely, the tip of my toes touching the floor.
"Shit" He muttered and I muted another chuckle.
It wasn't until his next move that I truly wished I'd just stopped being a kid and walked to the bed myself. He was trying to grab the leg he'd dropped before, which in return made him forget to hold on to the other half of my body, all this resulting in a loud thumping sound as my upper body fell backwards abruptly and I hit my head on the hardwood floor.
If anyone was to enter the room now and flick the lights on, they'd be torn between two conclusions - either Frank was killing me in a very torturous, imaginative way or we were having some weird-ass kamasutra-influenced sex, though fully clothed. I blushed at the last thought.
I realized it was too late to express the extent of my acting skills now, my head was pounding madly and honestly, a hit like that would've woken up an elefant.
I groaned as I opened my eyes slowly, by which I only made him drop my other foot down, too. I was sort of grateful for that, atleast now my blood was free to flow the way it should. It had been useless for him to clutch my leg so tightly anyway, as if there was something left to save with the rest of my body lying on the floor!
"Oh God, Willow? Are you awake? I'm so sorry! Willow?" He whispered frantically
"Ugh" was the only respond I honored him with, sliding the back of my hand across my forehead dramatically.
"I was only trying to carry you to bed, you fell asleep and Mikey told me you hadn't been able to sleep before so I thought-"
I pushed myself into a seated position and was glad for the fact that I didn't feel lightheaded at all. The walls didn't spin and I seemed to get the number of the fingers he waved in front on my face right.
"- Oh I'm so sorry, let me just-" He made a gesture to help me up but I refused, I'd had enough of his helping hands tonight. Once I was seated on the sofa chair again I decided to come clean.
"It was my fault, really. I was awake the entire time. I just enjoyed seeing you strive" I smiled sheepishly.
Frank's expression grew dark as he glared at me.
"But I guess my body weight was too much to handle" I added with a snort to remind him that he was still the one who practically abused me. I ran my hand through the hair on the back of my head to make it look like it still hurt.
He kept glaring.
"Okay I'm sorry!" I exclaimed "It was just too much fun to miss out on, well, until you decided to try and break my skull"
He frowned a little "I'm sorry about that" his features grew a bit softer "Does it hurt?"
Did it? Not so much.. But why not ham it up just a little? I put on my pouty face and nodded.
"Let me see" He lifted his hand to touch my face, but I turned away before he did. I believe that was what he'd meant me to do, too, as he now focused on examining the back of my head.
"There's no blood, atleast" He sighed in relief.
I smiled, I already knew that. I hadn't even felt the slightest bit dizzy so concussion was out of question too.
When I turned my head back to face him, his face was closer than before.
His eyes were set intently on mine and I could feel his gaze drill a hole through me again. I found it harder to breathe.
The air around us grew thick and the invicible friction between us made me almost expect to feel some sort of electric shocks.
I stared at him now, very occupied by his beauty. Time seemed to stop as I dreamt of the things I believe I saw in his eyes.
Before I noticed, his came even closer. I wanted to close my eyes, I wanted to forget about every single one of the 6380 reasons I should turn away this instant. I wanted to feel his lips on mine. Just now, just this once, I reasoned with myself. I would leave after that if I had to, I'd leave and never come back.
Just let him kiss me now. Let him come closer. Let me feel him without feeling any trace of the monstrous urge to silence his heart, the urge to replace the warmth of his body with a creeping chill, making all life evaporate his body..
I shivered feeling sick to my stomach. I knew this was wrong, I knew I would have no control if it happened again, not like this.
I didn't want to stop him but could I risk his life? Trade his life for a single kiss?
His gaze met mine again for one split second before he closed his eyes and our lips crashed. It only lasted for half a second before reality caught up with me. I couldn't outrun my instincts, they were awake, sharp and calculative the second our lips had touched. I don't know exacly what I'd hoped for, a few peaceful minutes before having to think about ending his life in the middle of the kiss? I groaned inwardly.
I didn't want to pull away, I wanted to get lost in the kiss and never find back but I knew I had to, so I placed my hands on his chest and pushed with the tiniest amount of force. He understood what the gesture meant and pulled away.
I could feel his eyes on me again but I couldn't make myself meet them.
I kept my gaze lowered.
"I should say I'm sorry, but I'm not" He whispered, there was so many emotions in his voice that I couldn't identify.
"I.." I took a deep breath "I don't think we should see each other again"
My own words managed to surprise me. I had it coming, but I wasn't ready yet. I still didn't have the guts to look him in the eye.
I knew this was necessary, I had known it all along. It had only been confirmed after the strange incidents started happening, the ones that implied that I wasn't nearly as human as I thought I'd been. I could not have friends, I could not have people near me. I was not human enough and apparently I never would be. It was time to face the unavoidable.
I had known, yet it seemed to sting more than if I hadn't. Like a slap across my face for my own stupidity.
Though I had only known these men for a short period of time, this was already breaking my heart. I was breaking my own heart.
I had been a fool for thinking I could go from being an inhabitant of the old world -a predator- to a human. You couldn't mingle with your prey. You couldn't escape your nature. I'd done a good job, I was more human than I could've ever hoped for. Just not quite enough.
Frank was silent next to me. I could hear his breath, still heavy and husky.
"I got an apartment. They called from the agency. I'll just talk to Ray tomorrow and I'll be gone" I whispered almost inaudibly.
It wasn't quite as simple as that in reality, but I had to make it sound like I'd made up my mind. Living with these men wasn't safe anymore. And with Frank.. Well, even associating with him wouldn't be safe.
I couldn't be sure of myself anymore, I had to leave and discover my limits before I would become a bigger hazard to the human society than the one I'd tried to protect it from.
My chest was aching. I felt like I was shattering into pieces.
If only I'd just walked to my bed instead of playing around. I wouldn't have hit my head and Frank wouldn't have come so close. He wouldn't have kissed me and I could've stayed in my la la land for a bit longer, pretending nothing bad was going to happen.. I could've postponed this.
I cared for Frank, I did not want anything to harm him. And to think that I would be the one to harm him... I shook my head in sorrow. I hadn't thought that it would be such an issue before, but obviously, he seemed to care for me too and that definitely changes things. I just couldn't risk it.
"I'm sorry" I added quietly and quickly left the room. I considered packing my bags and getting out immediately but I knew that this was the worst moment to be hasty. I needed to talk to Ray in the morning and I wanted to tell the others I was leaving, too.
I creeped silently through the corridor and saw a glimpse of Gerard's painting that hung on the wall. When I laid on the couch, the covers draped tightly around my body, I fell fast asleep. I dreamt of the painting - the beautiful scenery, the silvery stream that looked so real that you almost expected it to start moving before your eyes.
I could see the sharp rocks and the deep green knolls of soft moss.
And finally, the body. Only this time, it wasn't just any body, it was Frank's. His head was twisted into an unnatural position, his left arm was missing and his body seemed to be completely drained out of blood, the remains of the red fluid now tainting the water.
It terrified me, but I couldn't look away.