My eyes wondered shut to replace the sight of my room to a version on my fantasy I had made up since I was thirteen. Gerard was swinging me on the playground swing, only gently despite me asking to go higher. He just shook his head and smiled politely then pushed again. When we had finished I jumped onto him giving him an almighty kiss. His strong arms held me up, just beneath my ass securing me around him. When we pulled back and asked why he wouldn't push a little harder his smile faltered.
“I didn't want you to go so high you could fly away” he whispered.
Although many people would have thought that the sentence would have been creepy I found it sweet. Gerard always had trust problems; he's so afraid of important people in his life leaving him. I Was one of those important people. Me. I snuggled closer resting my head on his shoulder.
“I'll never fly away, home is with you” I smiled, making he grin at me and lay us down against the grass to remain out kissing.
It Wasn't until mom threw a slice of toast at me that I realised I had zoned out and imagined everything. The whole 'never leave me' scene was completely my fantasy; but oh how I wish it was real. Mom explained that my phone had been buzzing for five minutes while I was staring at the ceiling. I grabbed my phone to see Mikey's name appear on my screen.
You tell me what happened last night I will kill you. Gerard hasn't stopped being so fucking happy and it's creepy.
The message had made me laugh, to be honest it was completely out of character for Gerard to show his 'happiness'. What if he had told Mikey already? Oh god that'd be so embarrassing.
No worries there Mikey, you wont hear a word about it from me.
I smiled as I found my way downstairs to see mom reading my kerrang music.
“Since when do you like Kerrang?” I asked completely shocked.
“Since Billie Joe Armstrong was on the cover” she smirked. “He's Sexy”.
Can't Really disagree with that. I Have a motherfucking cardboard cut out of him. Rolling my eyes I searched for the milk. Surprisingly we had none making me frown. Then I remembered yesterday and how I taught mom about the overrating of bowls. I sighed and sat down on the chair next to her. I Could tell she was watching me; he eyes occasionally peeking over the magazine at me. I was bored, scared of seeing Gerard this morning. What if he had decided that yesterday was a mistake? What if everything was a game and I was the victim about to be heart-broken?
The sound of a car horn interrupted my thoughts making me even more nervous. Slowly I gave me mom a kiss on the cheek and a 'have a good day' then went on a mission to find my shoes. I found the tattered converse at the front of the door like they were waiting for me. I put them on quickly, tying the laces and leaving the house.
The car was in it's usual place with Gerard leaning against the window obviously bored waiting for me. As soon as I entered his vision he grinned, all his pretty little teeth showing. He leant over to open the car door for me as I reached the opposite side. I couldn't help but smile as I sat down. He leant over again planting a small kiss on my cheek making me blush.
“Morning” I giggled.
The car journey was pretty silent. I was watching Gerard drive again. He was so smooth, so gentle, so skilled at everything he did – just like his art. He was so incredibly talented I hadn't even realised it. Although he's never sang for me, I was told he had an amazing voice. Even against my constant begging he still said no. I didn't want to anger him so I let the subject drop. His artwork I saw though, he was proud of his artistic talent and wanted someone else to be proud of him. I Was stunned at his work, I couldn't draw for shit. He attempted to give me lessons but I ended up getting too distracted by his hair or his room so we gave up. He passed his driving test a year ago on the first try. We all knew he would. Anything he put his mind towards he could achieve. That's one of the things I love about him.
I noticed in the mirror Mikey was trying to set my head alight with his eyes.
“What?” I asked nervously.
“This is your fault” he spat out.
“Shut up” Gerard interrupted then turned to me. “He's just upset because I told him I gave you a blowjob”
I Literally choked on air. “You what?” I asked.
“I told him I gave you a blowjob and he got jealous cause Alicia doesn't do things like that” he grinned ignoring my shocked expression. I always knew they were close, but that close? Oh god.
“Actually I just don't want to hear about my brothers sex life with my best friend you asshole” Mikey grumbled.
I just couldn't speak. Gerard had a victorious smirk on his face. I was silent, shocked at the conversation that had just taken place while Mikey was distracting himself with his phone. It took another ten minutes to reach the school. As usual Gerard parked in a space. Mikey sped off to see Alicia. I Couldn't move. Had Gerard really told him that? Mikey knows I'm a virgin and now he knows that I was given a blowjob. By his fucking brother.
“Whats wrong?” Gerard asked concern planted on his face as he looked into my eyes.
“I Can't believe you told him that” I whispered.
He looked sad, regretful and understood why I was so upset.
“I'm sorry. I should have knew not to tell anyone without your permission, it's just, I was so happy I got carried away. I'm so sorry – please forgive me?” His eyes were filled with fear, and sadness. He was scared at me rejecting his apology, but why? It's not like he couldn't find someone else who was prettier than me to fool around with.
“I'm sorry Gerard, I didn't mean to overreact” I started “It's just really embarrassing for me. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose – it's just I've never done anything sexual other than kissing and grinding. And then, telling everyone is just awkward for me”
He removed my seat belt from restricting my body to move and pulled me into his lap. I snuggled closer into his chest listening to his heart beat as he cuddled me.
“I'm so sorry Frankie, I really didn't mean to upset you. Next time I'll make sure we both agree who to tell, got it? Please forgive me” he began to cry.
“I forgive you Gee. Hell I should be thanking you. I didn't give you anything in return and I feel like I used you” I frowned.
He started to laugh causing me to life my head up.
“Trust me Frankie, your moans were good enough for me” he grinned making me blush even more.
I moved my lips towards his, placing them gently against each other as they moved in synch. His arms pulled my body closer so out chests had no air between us. I was somehow in straddling position with his tongue snaking out to meet mine. I took it into my mouth, sucking on the muscle before releasing it and moved mine to explore Gerard s warm mouth. I could hear Gerard's little whines and moans making me giggle slightly. Who would have thought me and this sexy motherfucker would be making out in the middle of the car park in school? Certainly not me.
A knock at the window broke us apart. I almost screamed when I saw sophie and Anna's faces squashed up against the glass. Gerard scowled at them, then turned back to me.
“...And they are?”
“That's Sophie and Anna” I replied completely embarrased.
“And they're watching us because?....”
“They think we're cute together” I mumbled under my breath.
Gerard grinned and pulled my head back down. The kiss was sloppy indeed. He tongue licked me everywhere it could reach, even touching my nose at one point. We could both hear the screams from out side. I pulled away laughing at their reactions. Gerard rolled his eyes, opened the car door and gently pushed me out in the arms of my stalker friends.
“You still coming round tonight?” he asked winking. The ass hole knew what he was doing, he was making sure they pestered me about tonight and our 'plans'.
“If that's still okay” I smiled.
“Course it is baby, I've got everything we'll need. Wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable tonight would I?” his smug look spread over his face. Ass hole.
“...oh and girls” he turned to look at them. “Try not to hurt my boyfriend while getting the information you want. Me and my little Frankie have big plans”. With that he closed the door, blew me a kiss and drove off leaving me in the arms of the girls who were about to destroy my eardrums with their squealing. I pulled myself out of their grip and ran off. Their faces showed confusion. I really didn't need this right then.
It was break when they cornered me. I was just leaning against my locker when I saw Sophie through the crowd staring at me. She started making slow steps towards me. I didn't want to risk getting caught so started walking down the hall dodging everyone in my way. I went to walk down another hall when Anna came into sight, forcing me skip that route and continue straight ahead. They were gaining on me quickly, then just when I thought I had luckily escaped them Christa came from behind me and captured me in her arms.
“Got him” she shouted alarming the other girls who all of a sudden made their way into my view that I had no chance of leaving.
“Good work Christa” Alicia grinned.
“Now Frank.... we want to know everything. What happened yesterday, and what plans you have today” Sophie explained also adding a 'Or we'll tie you to the radiator in the girls toilets naked'. What scared me the most if she had rope ready and her expression showed she was fucking serious.
“You're like a pack of dogs y'know? Fighting to the death until you get what you want” I raised my eyebrows.
“We'll take that as an insult later. Tell us. Now” Alicia replied.
I had refused to tell them anything for ten minutes. After that they decided to start carrying me towards the girls bathroom. Since the four of them were like, secret body builders or something they each took one of my limbs like they were holding a feather. As soon as they opened the door I finally agreed to give in. Fuck having to sit naked in the toilets. I can just imagine the laughter of the girls around me.
“Look at the fag”
“I bet he said he was gay so he could see girls tits for free”
“Look at it, It's fucking pathetic. I have a bigger dick than that”
No thank you.
“So what happened yesterday?”
“I took him into the woods for a picnic” I shrugged as they raised their eyebrows. It's like they're all robots.
“Mikey was pretty pissed Gerard because he shared some 'private information' he didn't want to know” Alicia mentioned.
All eyes were on me. Of course they were, something 'private' meant something sexual. I almost melted under their staring. Why did I have to be friends with such nosy bitches.
“oh god he didn't” Christa's eyes were wide, taking all the attention away from me and towards her. She burst out laughing, even her cheeks were bright red as she had realised what had happened. Was she a fucking mind reader or something? The other girls hadn't caught on yet until christa practically screamed it.
“Gerard gave him a blowjob” she laughed clutching her sides and almost losing her balance. Everyone seemed to stare at me like they were expecting me to deny it. How could I? It had happened, and even though it was embarassing, I didn't want to lie about me and Gerard's activities. They finally let go of me. Their eyes scanning each other as if they were trying to confirm the information they had just received. It was after a few minutes of me being silent, christa laughing and the others running through everything when they all jumped at each other. They were saying something towards each other in quick speed that could only be heard as.
If that was possible.
Then the returned their attention to me. Why was it so necessary for them to need to know about everything I do?
“And tonight?” Sophie asked.
“Nothing” I replied truthfully.
“But he sai-”
“He was joking” I smiled. “He was just teasing you. I'm going round to hang with him and Mikey and that's it”.
Although they still questioned me a further ten minutes they finally accepted my answer. It wasn't until then that I realised we had missed a lesson. We all decided to wait till the lesson ended, there was no point in finishing the last twenty minutes. We all sat down and started to discuss the party – for once I actually felt confident.
“Well me and Mikey are excited. We aren't going all the way, but we'll defiantly do things” she smiled at us all. “I mean, neither of us want to do it with everybody in the house” she finished.
“Me and Jack are. I mean, we'll have no other times to get some privacy away from our parents” Sophie shrugs.
“Bob says we don't have to do anything If I'm not comfortable. But I don't mind, as long as nobody walks in” Anna laughs. That would be fucking embarrassing. “What about you Christa?”
Christa turned her head like she had been pulled back into the converation after being in a day dream. “Oh, we'll be having some fun. Especially in the pool”.
I Don't even want to know.
“And you Frank?”
I shrugged. “Just some kissing and then leaving. That'll be all of our fun for the night” I smiled.
“That can't be” Anna argued. “He's obviously into you so something is probably Gonna happen”
“Well if it does then it wont be at the party” I replied.
Finally the classes started to empty themselves. We all said our goodbyes and wondered off to our next lessons.
I hated the subject, I could never understand the subject and the guy I sit next to is a dick.
I made my way to my seat and stared out of the window.
I wondered if Gerard was thinking about me. I wondered if he really wanted me to be with him all the time like I longed. It doesn't really bother me that he's gone, I just wish I was with him rather than at school. If this things works out I'm going save up money, buy an apartment and ask Gerard to move in with me. Not straight away, that'd just be stupid. Maybe if we stay together for a year we could start something. I'd be eighteen by then at least and he'd be twenty. We could have our own place, he could sell his artwork and I could find a job to help with the rent. Then, after a few more years We'll be having a meal or something and he'd just pop the question. I'd be so excited, so happy. I'd kiss him so much, drag him out of the restaurant once we paid and love him all night long. We'd have such a beautiful wedding and everybody would be happy for us. We'd have the most amazing cake and everyone would have just such a good time and it'd be an amazing night. Then, as soon as we're ready we'll adopt a child, or more. Get a dog and finally start a family. We'll live the rest of our lives together, watch our children grow up and be proud parents. I'll have everything I wanted. A Family including Gerard.
As I felt an elbow stab my side I got knocked out of my daydream and realised that the while thing would be unlikely. I was never lucky to get what I wanted, it's just the way life goes. I looked round to see Adam scowling at me.
“I said you need to move up so I can start on our sheet”
I moved so he could grab the paper on my side.
“Fuck sake Frank” he groaned.
“What?” I spat as I turned to face him.
“Who the fuck is Gerard and why the hell is his name all over my work?” he asked as he glances at the paper and back to me. My eyes move to see that he's right. I scribbled his name down everywhere; my book. My work sheet. His work sheet. The table. I'm well and truly fucked.
For once he sighed and shrugged it off. I hadn't expected that. He looked quite unhappy to be honest.
“You alright Adam?” I asked. It seemed that my actions shocked him as he looked at me with large eyes.
“Just feeling like shit” he mumbled.
I didn't question him any more. I apologized again and asked for another maths sheet after using the excuse that I hadn't been given one. Adam seemed to be staring at me through all lesson. Somehow we had a conversation about music and films. He was alright. He mentioned how he liked the misfits and horror movies with lots of guts and shit. I agreed completely laughing at myself for thinking that he was a twat. He's actually really funny and talks a lot. He also blushed a lot if you compliment him.
“So Frank... are you up to anything this weekend? Maybe we could hang out” he smiled looking like an innocent kid. It was only then that I noticed he was actually quite cute. Light brown hair, Blue eyes and peach coloured lips.
“I'm busy Today and Saturday.... how about Sunday?”
He nodded looking excited. “Sure”
After that he gave me his number so we could set up a time to meet up.
After lessons I apologized to Mikey for earlier, it was as embarrassing for me as it was for him. He just scowled and accepted it.
“Just make sure I don't hear any more of it” he replied as Alicia cuddled up to him giggling.
“You wont” I assured him. “I'll kill him otherwise”.
“I'll join you on that” he laughs.
Everything was all good.
School had finished finally. Me and Mikey were walking home together talking about some new band he started listening too. Fall out boy? I Think that's what they're called. I've seen then on Kerrang a few times but never really paid much attenion.
We found ourselves at the supermarket to grab some snacks.
“Looking forward to the party Mikes?” I asked as we entered the automatic doors.
“Defiantly” he grinned cheekily. I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.
We grabbed some potatoes chips, Chocolate for Gerard and soda. I Was looking forward to tonight. Me, Gee and Mikey pigging out until we pop while watching movies all night long. I really was going to enjoy hanging with Mikey too. It had been so long since we just 'hung out'. All week I had been practically all over Gee and ignoring Mikey. I felt so bad, but tonight I was going to make it up to him. Just like we use to do when we were younger.
“Hey listen, I didn’t mean to get all snappy with you and your.... blowjob” Mikey started. “It's just, it's weird ya'know. My older brother being sexually active is enough to freak me out. The fact that you're the one getting his dick makes it even worse”
“I understand, I mean.... it's like when my mom told me she had sex the tree house we use to play in. It's just something you don't need to know”
He laughed at the comparison and nodded. I understood. It's sorta awkward for us all.
We was just about to buy our things when I surprisingly saw Gerard down an isle. The medicine one. I was a little concerned at first, maybe he had a headache or something. I thought it'd be nice to surprise him with a hug from behind. I whispered to Mikey to wait so he just stood in his spot watching me. I slowly took steps, trying so hard to be quiet so I wouldn't be heard. I turned around to give Mikey a thumbs up with my spare hand. He returned the action until his smile fell from his face and his mouth opened up like he was in shock. I Was confused at why he reacted like that so I tuned around.
A guy was kissing Gerard.
I was frozen in shock. Maybe I was imagining it. I closed my eyes and reopened them only to see that this was real.
“Gerard....” I whispered barely audible.
I thought that maybe the guy was just some idiot friend of his and Gerard was shocked. I Couldn't be angry at him for getting kissed by his friend as a joke. And then it happened. He kissed back. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, crush by the sight before me. Then I noticed the little box in Gerard's hand. A box of condoms. The guy was pulling him closer. Gerard let himself be led with no fight.
“GERARD” I practically screamed as I dropped everything in my hand. Gerard instantly pulled out of the nameless guys grip and turned to face me. His hair was messed up, shirt wrinkled from the guys hands and panting as he stared back at me. I glanced at the guy beside him who looked confused.
“Shit... Frankie it's not what-”
The tears were already flowing down my cheek as I stepped backwards so Gerard couldn't get closer to me. I walked backwards until I bumped into Mikey. I took one last look at him. Gerard kissed another guy after leading me on. I had planned everything to convince him and he just threw it back at me. He only used me for my dick. That's why he wouldn't let me touch him. He just wanted me to be some little toy he could fuck around with and move on. He used me. I looked at Mikey who seemed just as shocked as I was. My heart was felt like it had just been stabbed a million times. I didn't want to be around anyone. Not Mikey, not the guy who had just kissed Gerard. Not Gerard himself.
All I could do was run. Run out of the store leaving everyone behind. The tears were falling violently and I let my legs carry me ignoring the 'FRANKIE WAIT' from Gerard.
I had tried so hard to make sure everything was right.... what had I done wrong?
I Didn't say little Frankie had to succeed;)
Anyway, I'm sorry for the shitty update last week. It was pathetic so i hope this one is a lot better. I'm also really sorry for not updating yesterday. I got too caught up in reading a fic ( http://jatty.livejournal.com/5927.html ) I Don't know who wrote it or how long it's been up for but i fucking loved it. I Seriously recommended it to you all. It has sex, slavery and shit in but it's so amazing. I atually cried at some of it. It has such a beautiful ending and yeh. it's Totally worth your time if you want to read it.
Again, i hope you enjoyed this and i'd really appreciate reviews:)
I'm gonna be such a bitch and say that If i get more than five reviews i'll try to update next week. (only to see if people are still reading this since i fucked up the last chapter). also feel free to comment on it anyway, even if there is more than five.
Okay. time to stop being an attention whore and say that i hope you all enjoyed this and thanks for reading:)
You guys are amazing!