A suicide note.
Did you really think I'd pull the trigger without leaving you a note?
No, my story had to be told, so people see it as a learning curve, to not end up like me. I don't mean to make you feel bad, if I am I'm sorry, it's just you need to know.
It's simple really. Don't fall in love. That's what happened isn't it? I fell in love, and you simply didn't. Well, maybe you did, but not with me. No, with her. Was I not good enough?
You didn't know what you did to me, or maybe you did. Did you like torturing me? Giving me those looks. When we would hug, when you were depressed and I helped you through. Where was she?
I'll obviously be dead by the time you read this, so there is nothing you can do, but in honesty, I don't want you to. I would dream of you telling me you wanted only me, and we'd be happy. But now, now I really think about it, would that happiness really make up for this torture? I don't think it would.
My whole life hasn't been a mess, I won't lie. I was happy. I had my children. Then you showed up, with your congratulations and my heart broke. They should be our children damn it.
Then she got pregnant. Oh, you made sure everyone knew. You would announce it to everyone, was it just to spite me? You don't do that to people you care about. But there's the thing, did you really care about me?
So this is it. My life is a fucking moral to all those people who think falling in love will make your life perfect. It won't. It will ruin your life, like it's ruined me, Gerard. I'm the emo kid cliche.
Look after my kids, and tell Jamia that in my last moments, you, her and my babies were the only people I cared about.
P.S, The aim of this was not to make you feel bad, I guess life just isn't as black and white as it should be. I hit my speed bump and I couldn't get over it. Always think of me with happy memories, like I will think of you.
Edited on 02/03/2013; I detest this. But it's like something old I wrote so I want to keep it. Hahaha. xo