Three reasons and he'll be free. Forever. Short WAYCEST one-shot. Read, review, rate and feel my love! :P
“Mikey, get the fuck away from there!”
The tone of fright in his, my own big brother’s, voice makes a shiver dance up and down my spine. Gerard’s never scared of anything, not even the bullies at school or the scary girl in The Exorcist. He’s always brave. Brave and smart. Not like me.
I’m the polar opposite of my big brother; I’m stupid and weak and lonely and worthless and unwanted and hated and a faggot and-
“Mikes, just step back. You don’t have to do this.” My brother calls out to me again, this time voice soft and so much like the one he uses with me whenever I come to him crying like the pathetic waste of skin and bones that I am; that everyone other than Gee tells me I am. “C’mon, just walk over to me, Bro.”
I told myself that I wouldn’t listen to him, that I wouldn’t give the police the chance to get here and ruin my one chance at escape, but he just sounds so helpless. So unlike him and so just like me that it scorches my ears just to hear it. So I turn to face him, keeping my feet on the edge of the roof with my toes teetering over the edge.
Ready to jump and decorate the pavement like a violent splash of red on one of Gerard’s intricate artworks. He says he draws them for me, to make me smile whenever I’m sad. But I’m past that now. After fifteen years of near-non-stop torture I’ve finally had enough.
Besides, they’re right. They’re all right when they tell me the world would be a better place without me. They must be right; what reason could all those people possibly have to lie?
As I turn to see Gee, something catches my eye as it falls from his; tears. He’s crying. The one person I have left who cares and I’ve made him fucking cry. The one person I have left who I still care about.
See what I mean? Better off fucking dead.
“That’s it Mikes, just step away from the edge.” I shake my head, the action dislodging a few of my own tears, because I can’t afford to let myself give in now, not when I’m so close to sweet freedom. “Why not, huh? Tell me what’s stopping you from stepping away, from living the fantastic life that I know you can have.”
Of all the things he could have said, I was not expecting that. Yelling, maybe. A silent nod before letting me go, I had hoped. But actually trying to see the logic behind my insanity; that’s something I didn’t see coming. But now that it has come I don’t know how to deal with it.
Largely because I don’t know how to answer.
“You give me three good reasons why, Michael James, and I won’t try to stop you. Hell, I’ll even give you a push.”
Why, Gerard? You’re only dragging this out for me, only trying to fight a battle on my behalf that life won a very long time ago. Too long ago for me to even remember when I last actually had a hope for some form of happiness.
This might be pointless, but I can’t help but feel glad. Because it means he really does care.
Only because he has to.
“Everyone hates me!” I yell, voice hoarse from tear-strain. “Everyone would be better off if I were d-dead!”
He looks hurt, like my words are bullets rather than simple statements of truth. And that, in turn, hurts me because I hurt the one person in the whole wide world that I actually like.
“Oh, baby brother.” He sighs, taking a slow step forward. I know I should just jump, that he’s getting dangerously close to pulling me from the metaphorical and literal edge, but I just can’t. I want to hear him tell me nice things, make everything better like he always does. “I don’t hate you, you’re my best friend.” Only because you pity me when you see me sulking alone in my room. “And I wouldn’t be better off. You see, Mikey, you jump and I jump too. We’re brothers, remember? Inseparable until the bitter end.” He sighs, taking another step forward as he meets my storming eyes. “You kill yourself, you kill me too.”
“Don’t be stupid, Gee. You’re too good to die like me.” I whisper back, a tone of my old brotherly teasing flitting into my order.
It’s true; he’s too good to die. Largely because he’s already an angel, my guardian angel always looking out for me and making me smile. Not now though, not with his threat hanging dangerously in the balance. I can’t let him do something so selfish; I can’t let him rob the world of himself.
But I can’t not jump.
Anyway, I bet he’s just saying he would too. He would never actually do it. He’s too smart for something stupid like dying for someone like me.
“And you’re not? Mikey, baby brother, you’re just as good as I am. If not better.” He pauses, eyes darkening when I force out a cold laugh at his bullshit lie. “Third reason. C’mon.”
“Nobody loves me. Nobody will ever love me. There’s nobody who I can call my own and that fucking hurts. Everyone has someone who desires them. But who’d desire me? I’m going to live alone forever. Who’d love someone like me?”
“I love you, Mikey.” He says, taking one final step and resting a sturdy hand on my shoulder. “I love you more than anything.”
“You’re my brother, Gee. It’s not the same.” I hate to sound so ungrateful, but it’s true. He’s just not understanding me, no matter how much I find myself wishing he were. “I’m talking about desire, lust. Sloppy kisses and hot fucks. Someone to hold me in my sleep. Someone to su-”
Hungry lips. Passionate lips. Desperate lips.
My big brother’s lips. All over mine, sucking on them and dancing around them. Arms wrapping around my emaciated waist, hands digging into my back pockets. Guiding me away from the edge, both literally and metaphorically. A tongue slips in, licking around my teeth as though they’re candy; as though they’re something he’s dying to taste.
And, although I’m not deluded enough to think that this can last forever or even happen again, it makes me feel good. Loved. Like I have something worth living for because I know that I mean something to Gerard. To the one person who matters to me.
“I love you, Mikey Way, I don’t care if it’s wrong.” He gasps out as I get the confidence to enjoy it properly and nibble into his neck, just wanting to please my brother in the way I’ve seen all his girlfriends do. “Just don’t be Juliette.”
“I don’t want to be Romeo.”
I jump; we both die.
I live; we both love.
No need for tragedy. Not anymore.
A/N: I know it’s definitely not my best, but I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I really wanted to get it down. Not sure if it really works as a Waycest, but I hope you like it and please let me know what you think! :)
Also, if you're interested, I wrote up a fanfiction rec-list that you can see here: http://coldkid.deviantart.com/#/d51esab