Categories > Anime/Manga > Bleach > So I Can Join The Shinigami
Chapter 41 Understandings
0 Reviews"I'm going… so I can face my sister and make her understand and find some missing part of myself"
Chapter 41
Understandings
I arrived at Jushiro’s home to find him throwing fish food into a small pond. When he saw us he smiled warmly
“Good evening Kurono. What brings you here?”
“I just wanted to see you before I left”
“You're leaving?”
I nodded
“Yeah. I've got some things I have to take care of and I might not see you again. I really wanted… your advice on some stuff”
“I will be happy to help. Why don’t you come inside?”
I turned to Zelo and Seji. Zelo grinned
“Go on. We’ll wait”
I smiled and nodded
“Thank you”
I followed Jushiro inside and he gestured to a seat. But I decided to stand; telling myself I wasn’t going to stay long.
He turned to me with a smile and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach
“Yes?”
I hung my head
“I…I lied… to everyone”
He frowned
“What do you mean?”
“I-I…”
Ukitake put a hand on my shoulder
“It doesn't matter what you’ve done in the past. It matters what you're doing now. But you don’t have to worry about hiding anything. If you were not ready or confident to tell people your secrets then you don’t have to.”
He smiled as I looked him in the eyes. I was over whelmed as a mix of emotions ran into me as I realized what was really bothering me. Since I got here I had kept everything to myself unless asked. But when I looked at Ukitake, it was like I was staring into the eyes of the father I no longer had. Ukitake’s friendly understanding smile moved me to tears as I felt like a little girl again. I fell into his chest wrapping my arms around him and started to cry. At first he was stiff but soon he embraced me and murmured
“I thought you were holding something else back”
He pulled me away from him and sat me on a nearby couch. As he sat to my left he pulled some of my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear
“Alright, if you have anything to tell me. You can, no matter what it is. Telling people your problems and feelings is the best way of understanding what to do next.”
So I started telling Ukitake everything I had been threw from the day Aizen took me; even about my feelings for Grimmjow. He just seemed to soak it up like a sponge. Once I had finished he was silent for a while and I realized exactly how screwed up my life was. Looking back now I could easily see the way out and I hadn’t taken it. I could now see how dumb I had been acting.
“When the main sail is set there's no turning back from any course that’s laid”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that once you are set on your path, you can't turn back; you may only go forward. And from all my years of living I can tell you this; when a heart is set on someone there is no stopping it. Just do what looks and seems right. What's the worst that could happen by following your heart?”
“I could get kicked out of the Soul Society… I could get killed… I could loose all my friends… I could…”
He laughed
“I know you are loyal to your friends and you mean well Kurono. I also know that you're confused right now but I have a good feeling that everything will come into light.”
I sighed
“Another thing is… I find it ironic and hypocritical; my life that is. Arashi died, came back, and demanded that I love him. But in truth, I was over him and I had moved on. And I got mad at him over it. I said that he couldn't come back from the dead and expect everything to go back to the way it was. But...I'm doing the same thing with Grimmjow! I'm going to go running off to see him and expect him to still love me even though I was the one who willingly left him. I'm such a hypocrite!”
“All you can do is hope… Arashi went about it the wrong way I suppose. You just have to go save the one you love and hope that will be enough to earn his forgiveness. Someone once told me that if someone you know is on the wrong side; you just have to get them on your side”
I looked at him and smiled
“Kisuke”
He chuckled
“Yes… he was young then but wise. Now I have a question for you. Why exactly are you going to Hueco Mundo?”
“To save Grimmjow?”
Jushiro smiled
“From what I hear about him, he doesn't need your saving. What is the real reason you’re going?”
I thought a bit and Jushiro was right.
Yippie, now I was starting to act like Bella Swan. Edward never needed her saving…
“You're right I guess. Grimmjow can take care of himself… I'm going… so I can face my sister and make her understand and find some missing part of myself.”
I stood and sighed
“I best get going. I have a war to fight”
Understandings
I arrived at Jushiro’s home to find him throwing fish food into a small pond. When he saw us he smiled warmly
“Good evening Kurono. What brings you here?”
“I just wanted to see you before I left”
“You're leaving?”
I nodded
“Yeah. I've got some things I have to take care of and I might not see you again. I really wanted… your advice on some stuff”
“I will be happy to help. Why don’t you come inside?”
I turned to Zelo and Seji. Zelo grinned
“Go on. We’ll wait”
I smiled and nodded
“Thank you”
I followed Jushiro inside and he gestured to a seat. But I decided to stand; telling myself I wasn’t going to stay long.
He turned to me with a smile and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach
“Yes?”
I hung my head
“I…I lied… to everyone”
He frowned
“What do you mean?”
“I-I…”
Ukitake put a hand on my shoulder
“It doesn't matter what you’ve done in the past. It matters what you're doing now. But you don’t have to worry about hiding anything. If you were not ready or confident to tell people your secrets then you don’t have to.”
He smiled as I looked him in the eyes. I was over whelmed as a mix of emotions ran into me as I realized what was really bothering me. Since I got here I had kept everything to myself unless asked. But when I looked at Ukitake, it was like I was staring into the eyes of the father I no longer had. Ukitake’s friendly understanding smile moved me to tears as I felt like a little girl again. I fell into his chest wrapping my arms around him and started to cry. At first he was stiff but soon he embraced me and murmured
“I thought you were holding something else back”
He pulled me away from him and sat me on a nearby couch. As he sat to my left he pulled some of my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear
“Alright, if you have anything to tell me. You can, no matter what it is. Telling people your problems and feelings is the best way of understanding what to do next.”
So I started telling Ukitake everything I had been threw from the day Aizen took me; even about my feelings for Grimmjow. He just seemed to soak it up like a sponge. Once I had finished he was silent for a while and I realized exactly how screwed up my life was. Looking back now I could easily see the way out and I hadn’t taken it. I could now see how dumb I had been acting.
“When the main sail is set there's no turning back from any course that’s laid”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that once you are set on your path, you can't turn back; you may only go forward. And from all my years of living I can tell you this; when a heart is set on someone there is no stopping it. Just do what looks and seems right. What's the worst that could happen by following your heart?”
“I could get kicked out of the Soul Society… I could get killed… I could loose all my friends… I could…”
He laughed
“I know you are loyal to your friends and you mean well Kurono. I also know that you're confused right now but I have a good feeling that everything will come into light.”
I sighed
“Another thing is… I find it ironic and hypocritical; my life that is. Arashi died, came back, and demanded that I love him. But in truth, I was over him and I had moved on. And I got mad at him over it. I said that he couldn't come back from the dead and expect everything to go back to the way it was. But...I'm doing the same thing with Grimmjow! I'm going to go running off to see him and expect him to still love me even though I was the one who willingly left him. I'm such a hypocrite!”
“All you can do is hope… Arashi went about it the wrong way I suppose. You just have to go save the one you love and hope that will be enough to earn his forgiveness. Someone once told me that if someone you know is on the wrong side; you just have to get them on your side”
I looked at him and smiled
“Kisuke”
He chuckled
“Yes… he was young then but wise. Now I have a question for you. Why exactly are you going to Hueco Mundo?”
“To save Grimmjow?”
Jushiro smiled
“From what I hear about him, he doesn't need your saving. What is the real reason you’re going?”
I thought a bit and Jushiro was right.
Yippie, now I was starting to act like Bella Swan. Edward never needed her saving…
“You're right I guess. Grimmjow can take care of himself… I'm going… so I can face my sister and make her understand and find some missing part of myself.”
I stood and sighed
“I best get going. I have a war to fight”
Log in to rate and review this story