Get loose, get loose, get loose
After sneaking past Mikey and Amber who looked adorable making waffles together, I walk around for a little bit. I just need to be out in the fresh air and have time to think about things. My brain feels like it’s gonna explode.
About half way through my walk I find Frank’s house. It was actually pretty easy to locate due to the huge sign that says ‘the Iero’s’ hanging next to the door. I’ve walked myself to the house of the person whom I need to talk to the most but I just can’t go and ring the doorbell. So instead I just walk up and down the side walk in front of his house. I must look really strange to anyone inside looking out.
Suddenly my cell phone rings, I do the reasonable thing and answer it, "Hello?"
"Gerard, hey..." Frank says. “So yeah...so...what are you up to right now?"
Ha. I laugh a little, “Um, look out your front door window."
Suddenly the call drops. What in the world. I stare at my cell phone for a second before shutting the top…stupid ass piece of shit. It’s never worked right.
Just then the front door opens and Frank is there, smiling same as ever, “How did you find my house?"
Shrugging, I motion to the name plate by the door.
For the next five minutes we stand in an awkward silence, neither one of us knowing what to say. Eventually, Frank being Frank he had to break the silence bringing up the topic I dread.
"Look," he says, scratching the tattoo on his neck. "Gerard, about last night...."
"Dude that was weird," I interrupt.
"Yeah…I do tend to cling onto people when I get really excited," Frank looks at me, smiling sheepishly.
I smile back not wanting to seem like things are really weird but this kid has fucked up my brain. I’m lying through my teeth, “No shit…."
Frank just blinks rubbing his hands together. It is a little cold outside.
"Wanna go inside?" Frank offers, and I nod in reply.
I follow Frank into his house. He leads me up the stairs and into his room. His house is a little smaller than the one I live it but there’s shit all over, proof that only guys live here. Normally a girl would keep the house at least semi – picked up.
Once in his room we sit on the bed, his door shut. I brought the picture with me but I really don’t know if I should show him. Will he think I’m a freak? I really can’t have that cause Frank is really the only other friend I’ve got besides Ray and Amber, and well, Amber is pretty preoccupied with my little brother. I’ve got to show him…right now.
“Frank..." I finally say, not looking at him. "I have to tell you something."
Frank looks over at me as I dig in my pocket for the picture. Once I’ve got it I hand it over to Frank who unfolds it, looking at it up close then far away. He looks very much like Mikey with the chicken drawing I did the other day.
"Dude," Frank finally says, looking at me. He doesn’t look freaked out so that’s good.
"This –” he taps the paper – “was in my dream last night."
What the hell, “Fuck. You mean this exact image?”
Franks nods, looking at me.
Putting the paper closer to my face I inspect it, "Mmmhmm. Well shit. What does this mean? Because I dreamed of it too...."
Frank shakes his head, before looking at me like a light bulb has just gone on…"Wait, what? How is this possible?"
"I don't know, dude," I answer shaking my head so that my hair falls into my face…I really need to get it cut. "I don't know....”
Why does this have to be so confusing? Personally, I think it’d be easier if Frank had just admitted to me he has feeling for me or if he was disgusted and kicked my sorry ass out. Either way I would have been alright, maybe a little hurt by the later but I’d get over it. Sitting here not knowing what to do is driving me crazy…we’ve got to do something….figure things out.
"Well, what do we do...?” I question, looking around the room.
Frank just shrugs, “Dunno, man."
His arm finds its’ way around my shoulders in like a half hug. I smile, not really caring. He’s my friend and I’m pretty positive I’m not gay. Eventually I just wrap both my arms around him. He wants me to be loose so I will be…to a certain extent. I am going to tell him if he’s making me uncomfortable.
"Loose enough?" I question with a smile.
Frank just laughs a light in his eyes.
"I knew you knew what I meant by that," Frank replies, and puts his head on my shoulder. “You remind me so much of Amber. You’re like her but in guy form.”
This causes us both to laugh things eventually fading into a nice, comfortable silence.
We sit there like this for a few minutes, each consumed by our own thoughts. Then, all of a sudden, Frank’s dad barges through the door without knocking. We scramble to get away from each other. I blush, cowering into the corner of the bed, wishing I could sink into the wall. Parents are supposed to knock if the door is closed. It’s awkward if they don’t.
"Frank, you've got chores to do today, remember?" he says, looking at us both on the bed, narrowing his eyes.
Frank nods, playing it cool, "Okay, Dad-o."
"Alrighty then..." he says closing the door.
Frank looks to me and busts out laughing. How can he find this funny? His dad walked in on us hugging. Despite this I can’t help but laugh with Frank, laughter is contagious.
"You know what?" Frank says, crawling on his knees to meet me in the corner of the bed. "Let's just get it out of the way...."
Frank grabs my face with both his hands before pushing his lips to mine. I don’t want to be here. I want to go. I want out…I can’t do this. But…what if its okay, I mean, just as friends. I see girls kiss each other all the time, granted it’s normally on the cheek but this has to be alright. With this I just let things go, accepting the fact that this will change nothing.
Frank wanted me to loosen up, so loosen up I will.