Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > cause love isn't about affection, it's about leadership1 Reviews
Who would have ever thought that being an anonymous nobody in New Jersey would be such an annoyingly difficult task?
"What are you doing?" He blurted out grabbing my forearm.
"I, ugh.. I'm leaving?" I tried. His anger radiated off of his eyes which was more than unnerving. "I got the apartment, remember? So I guess I'm leaving now.."
I was very aware of the fact that I sounded like a child, with my tiny voice that seemed to ask his permission between the lines. Get a grip, I thought,
and since he was still silent I added,
"Is that a problem for you, Frank?" with an ounce of more attitude in my tone.
He let go of my arm and ran his hand through his hair.
"Oh no, not at all, why on earth would that be a problem for me, huh? You just appeared out of the blue and we all welcomed you into our lives as some slightly fucked up friend, Ray has done his best to help you and now you're just gonna what - disappear? Is the mental institution finally missing their lost patient?" He ranted sounding just a tad too impolite so I decided that the last line definitely counted as an insult.
I tried to wave to a cab that was passing by to get it to stop but didn't succeed so I did the next best thing, clutched my paper bags tightly and started taking long, determined steps towards the shopping mall where the agency was located. After a few steps I changed my mind about biting my tongue and turned around.
"Hey Frank" I called
He didn't reply but stared at me questioningly.
"In case I was you, and thought that someone broke out from the mental ward, well.. I wouldn't be caught dead yelling at a crazy person"
He could think whatever he wanted - in fact, him deluding himself into believing in any stupid theory he'd have propably adopted from the ever so imaginative Gerard was good enough to keep him too preoccupied to actually ever learn the truth. And the more absurd the theory was, the better.
At the best it would keep them all away from me for their own good, and at the worst, well... I guess the same thing applies but I had to make myself feel more concerned about their wellbeing than my feelings. I was being almost noble.
A took another few steps then stopped on my tracks again. An idea struck me from the heaven above, I suppose, because this one seemed like the best one yet. I only had to make Frank angry which I'd clearly already managed to do, but only even more so angry. Angry enough to never wanting to have anything to do with me anymore.
In fact, I would make all of them angry - even Ray if I had to. Finding another job couldn't be that hard, could it? And I'd learned from my mistakes - which, though, was known to be a very uncharacteristic thing to do for a human- and acquiring a social life would definitely not be on my list of priorities this time.
It was something to avoid in case I didn't want to start over every other week.
I turned again and he was still standing in front of the front door smoking a cigarette like it was the last one he'd ever have.
"You were right.." I mused loud enough for him to hear over the distance between us, waiting for him to realize I was talking again. His head popped up to scrutinize my face.
"About what in particular?" He asked slowly
"I lied" I could feel an impish little smile starting to form on my features.
"About what, Willow?" He repeated warily, not very patient with me.
"About the night we met. I wasn't there by accident, Frank, I know what I was doing but you caught me there.. I had to come up with an excuse though not in my wildest dreams did I expect you not to call the police. The rest I've told you is mostly true though, it was only a strike of luck for me to be caught by such a gullibly kind man."
The shock filled his eyes like dark cloud, making him look that much different to the naturally careless Frank I'd come to know.
"Oh and Frank? Don't think about calling the authorities now" I chuckled as I noticed his hand touch the fabric of his jeans, just over the pocket in which I suspected his phone was located "After all, I never stole anything and seeing as though you don't even know my real name, there's not much of a case in this."
There was no reply, just his silent stare that wasn't even meant to meet my eyes, just an empty gaze that gave nothing away. His lips parted a little and I braced myself for the words he was about to speak but they never came. Maybe he was choking on them. Maybe he was trying to decide which horrible name he would call me. Maybe there was no word in his mind appropriately terrible enough to be spoken out loud.
I tried to look him in the eye, to add to my credibility, but he wouldn't meet me half-way. It stung more than if he had.
"I should say I'm sorry, but I'm not" I added repeating the words he'd spoken last night, trusting my voice to not tremble enough for him to notice. My hands were shaking, and I was very grateful for the long, angry steps I'd taken previously. I'd like to think my essence appeared composed and confident enough to him.
The look in his eyes told me I'd done enough harm so I turned around again to face the shopping center and continued to walk, not stopping this time. My pace grew by every step and I had to remind myself to slow down after realizing my walk had turned into a heavy jog. The handles of the fragile bags were starting to make sharp tearing sounds. I'd almost forgot they were there.
When I reached the entrance doors I allowed myself to breathe while my mind went blank. I don't remember much of the rest of the day, only the agent giving me a ride to my new home and leaving me there standing with my two pathetic papery grocery bags, one still being held tight by my left hand and the other tucked under my right arm since the handles had gone to pieces.
I think I stood there for a long time feeling sorry for myself before mechanically unpacking my things, slowly filling the dest, the nightstand and some of the shelves in the wardrobe. Even in such a small apartment everything looked out of place.
My posessions were not nearly enough to make the place look inhabited.
Even I looked out of place here, like I could somehow get lost in the tiny studio apartment if I didn't watch where I was going.
In attempt to wake up my frozen brain, I looked for a piece of paper and a working pen and sat on the kitchen chair. For the next two hours or so, I sat there trying to make up a plan. I made a list of all the things I needed for the place, which was the very easiest one. Then I tried to think of things I would have to sort out in the next couple days.
The fact that even though I hadn't wanted to anger Ray, he'd propably already heard the news from Frank and would by no means keep me on his list of emplyees made me think that I would have to start from square one, finding a job.
I tried to ignore the haunting whispers of my conscience as I thought about the deposit money I'd loaned from Ray and would most likely never pay back - after all, he didn't know my real name either. No one did.
I took comfort in that fact until I realized that someone- in fact- did. The agency, I sighed warily. Who would have ever thought that being an anonymous nobody in New Jersey would be such an annoyingly difficult task?
Okay, so.. Number two on the list of very urgent things to do was to call the agency and ask them to remove my previous personal information off the database and replace it with the new ones I was about to provide them with. Hopefully they wouldn't get too suspicious, or I'd have to think of a good back up story to remain reliable in their book.
This meant coming up with a new name, basically.
The third thing on the list was to find out where I could get a fake ID and what the cost was.
My list went on and on, and while it made me anxious seeing myself write down point 58 on the list of the most vital, exigent things to do, it also kept my mind occupied enough to block out any thoughts of Frank.
Every now and then a tiny thought or two would sneak into my mind and make themselves acknowledged by re-playing conversations between me and Frank or more irritatingly, the kiss.
But it wasn't until I went to sleep in my hand-me-down bed lacking the pillows and the covers, and even the sheets, that I let my mind wander. I thought about his beautiful features, his golden greenish eyes and his crooked, teasing smile that made his eyes twinkle as it reached them.
I thought of the words he spoke, and even the very feeling his mere presense brought. I thought of his smooth, full lips and tried to remove all memory of what had happened next, the sudden but instant recovery of my all inhuman senses and instincts.
And when I finally fell asleep, all hell broke loose.
I woke up in the early hours of the morning when the sun was only starting to form an ochre glow over the sleeping, grey city. I emptied my mind thought by thought, feeling even more drained than I had before going to bed. The turning and the tossing, the endless range of vivid nightmares and the overall anxiety made me regret complaining about the lack of sleep before.
I decided that the best way to stop the dwelling was action so I did a quick change (not many options on the clothing part) and braced myself as I was going to claim another, to me, yet undiscovered field of human life this morning - public tranportation.
Fake ID, phone, agency, I ranted as I grabbed my keys and left to face the strange world full of potential trouble once again.
One little addition to the previous author's note.. I can see that the story is getting a lot of reads but not really any reviews (thank you to all those who reviewed, though!)
Now I'm not gonna pull that 'I won't update until so and so many reviews' trick on ya'll but I'm just wondering, is it worth keeping up?
Cause the story is really old, and I'm working on a bunch of stuff at the moment. One story (that I'm currently not particularly proud of) is being posted on the site and the rest of my little projects should appear sooner or later as well.. So posting an old story, which at first seemed like an approriate idea after it had disappeared from my page, now seemes a little pointless unless someone actually wants it to be updated.
So just.. lemme know, okay?