“Hey sweetie! Sorry didn’t meant to wake you” He says putting the mug to his lips. I sigh still groggy. He walks over and sits next to me and kisses me on the cheek. I half smile. Did I dream last night happened? No, it really did happen. A bigger smile comes to my face thinking about it.
“So did you and Angela have fun last night?” He asks.
“Couldn’t have gone any better! One of the best nights of my life” I say truthfully. He smiles and gives me a kiss, I don’t kiss back but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Well you deserve to take today off, never to late to start planning our wedding!” He says getting up off the couch. My smile turns to a frown and I just nod.
“Have fun today baby, I’ll be home around 6 tonight” He kisses my head grabs his bag and walks out the door. I fall back onto the couch and touch my lips and smile remembering last night.
Gerard kissed me and I felt like I was on air that nothing else mattered except for me and him. I look down at my hand and see the ring is still there. I put it back on before we left, still trying to convince myself that it wasn’t real this wasn’t love. I get up and go into the bedroom and change into a pair of basketball shorts and a big t shirt and crawl into bed.
I wake up to hear pickles barking followed by the doorbell. I look at the clock and it is almost 11:00. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and get out of bed. I grab Pickles by the collar and open the door. Gerard is standing there coffee in hand. He is wearing black jeans a gray t-shirt and a black jacket. He looks, well hot. A huge smile comes across my face and I let him in. I take pickles to the backyard and close the glass door. He is standing in the door way of the kitchen. He smiles at me and puts his coffee down. There is an awkward silence that is finally broken by Gerard.
“Nice frog slippers” he says pointing to my feet. I blush and look down. My mom had mailed them over to me for Christmas, they were my favorite.
“My mom gave them to me, they are very comfortable!” I say smiling. He laughs and I laugh too. I step closer to him with the burning between us again.
“I feel like there is fire between us right now” I admit. He smiles and pulls me closer to him.
“I don’t feel it anymore” He looks down at me and puts his lips on mine again.
The room is spinning and I feel like we are floating. He moves his hand down my back and pulls me closer and he parts my lips with his tongue. I smile and I can feel him smiling too as he kisses me. I pull away and look into his hazel eyes. It is just me and him, no one else.
“This gets harder you know” I say. He smiles and softly kisses me.
“It is so worth it” I put my head on his chest and match up our breathing.
“Lets get out of here” I say pulling away.
“Where to?” He asks
“Anywhere” I respond. He smiles.
“Well go get ready”
I get into my room and start changing I do my make up and hair. I walk out and Gerard smiles from ear to ear. I walk up to him and kiss him feeling the electricity between us. He goes to grab my hand but then stops.
“You put it back on” He says touching the ring. I pull my hand away and look at it.
“I just didn’t want Chad to think I lost it” I lie, and unlike Chad he knows when I am lying
“Uhuh sure.” He walks toward the door without me.
“Gerard wait!” I say grabbing his arm. He turns around. “I just havn’t told him yet we have been together for over 9 years, I need to take time to do it okay?” I say touching his hand.
“So you’re having an affair with me?” He asks crossing his arms.
“No! Affairs are for marriage, I’m…” I gulp and whisper the next word “cheating” I felt so dirty saying it out loud. Gerard laughs.
“I can handle that just take that thing off when you’re around me” He says pointing to my hand. I slip the ring off and place it on the bookshelf and walk out the door.
We are in Gerards car singing again, and I can’t stop smiling. He puts his hand on my leg and it goes numb. He looks over at me and smiles.
“You have a beautiful voice Johanna”
“Umm….yeah no I don’t . I sound like a dying cow” I say with a laugh. Gerard laughs too and pulls out a cigarette and gives me one.
“A dying cow? How do you know what that sounds like?” He asks, I give him a sarcastic look and say
“I am a vet, DUH! I’ve had to work with cows before too” I light the cigarette and take a drag.
“YOU KILLED A COW?!”
“No, well yes, sort of. It was in pain anyway I had to euthanize it, poor thing would have died a very painful death if I didn’t do it” I say in a low tone. He laughs
“Im sure he made a tasty burger” He flicks his cigarette out the window and lights another.
“Where are we going?” I ask looking around.
“To the city” he says. My stomach fill with butterflies .
“I have never been to NYC!” I say sounding like a little kid getting ready to go to Disney Land.
“Seriously?! Wow” Gerard says shaking his head. I smile from ear to ear and look out the window at the large stream of traffic in front of us.
We spent the entire afternoon roaming the streets of New York City. He showed me some amazing street art, took me to a great pizza place, to the top of the empire state building and even stood by as I shopped for some new clothes. The whole time with his arm around me, he didn’t try to kiss me once. I have never felt so happy or so at ease with anyone before. Every time we touched I felt electricity, when I saw his smile I felt like everything was right in the world, that it was just me and him no one else. I think Angela was right. Do I love him?
We are driving back to my house and I touch the ring on my finger gently moving it around. I’m going to do it tonight going to tell Chad that I can’t marry him and I cant be with him. I don’t love him. I am go nervous and anxious and sad. I need a drink. I look around Gerard’s floor and find a bottle of tequila. Not my favorite but it will work. I take the cap off and take a drink.
“Woa there little lady” Gerard says looking over at me with a smile. “Don’t hog all of it, I am going to need that later”
“Sorry need some liquid courage” I say taking another drink. It burns the back of my throat.
“You told me that you rarely drink”
“Well that’s before I realized that it numbs out some pain.” I say taking yet another drink. The back of my throat is numb now and I take the drink with ease. My head is starting to get light.
“Same here” He responds. He turns off of the highway and heads down the road to my house. MY heart beats faster and I take more and more drinks.
We pull in front of my house and Chad is home. The lights are on and I can smell BBQ. Oh God! He cooked for me! Tears come from my eyes and I don’t want to do this anymore, but know I have to.
“You going to be okay Johanna?” Gerard asks placing his hand on my leg making it go numb once more. I look back at him and the spark between us ignites . I lean over and kiss him passionately. I don’t know if it is the alcohol or us but I do know my world is spinning. He kisses back placing his hand in the middle of my back and pulls me closer to him. I pull away our noses touch.
“Yeah I am going to be okay” I give him one last kiss.
“Want me to wait out here?” He asks. I shake my head no.
“I’ll be okay, I’ll see you later” I step out of the car and walk up the side walk to my house. I stand in front of the door for a short while contemplating what I am going to say and how. I take a deep breath and turn the door knob and step inside.