Stop pretending we're okay.
It mentally killed him. What did he do wrong? Ryan kissed him just as much; it was an action coming from both parts. All he can do is wait it out and wait for Ryan to talk to him… if he ever will.
Brendon feels a shove back from someone grabbing the handle on his backpack, making his eyes wide.
“Hey, Brendon,” Ally says tiredly as she moves to Brendon’s right, her friend Christina to her side too.
“Hey.” He keeps his head down, seeming to find his feet interesting. Ally and Christina are friends of Brendon, them all playing instruments and in few of each other’s classes.
“You okay?” Christina notices Brendon’s muted attitude as Ally stares at a sheet of paper for a test coming up.
“Oh yeah ‘m fine,” Brendon turns his head to look at them, putting on a fake smile. “You guys?”
Ally and Christina look at each other, noticing how obvious it is when Brendon lies.
“We’re pretty okay.” He hears one of them say, thinking it was Christina but not exactly sure.
They all walk into their history class, Brendon sinking into his seat and not paying any attention what-so-ever.
Ryan stares at his notebook, not finding any of the information he wrote remotely interesting. Not that French is that fun anyway.
What has he done? He pushed the one person who cares about him out of his life, he was getting too close and he knows too much. But... that's not necessarily a bad thing. He over all doesn't know what the hell to do.
The bell rings as he heads to lunch, trying to put on a better face for his moronic friends. Kyle stares at him for a moment then asks, “Hey man, aren’t you going to get anything to eat?”
“No,” Ryan shrugs, “I had a huge breakfast Lola made for me.” Which is untrue, considering Lola only comes Tuesdays through Fridays.
“Oh, lucky.” Kyle says, then rolling his big blue eyes and looking back over to Anna.
Ryan sees Brendon from the corner of his eye, him sitting with two girls he doesn’t know and Spencer. Oh, okay. Ryan can’t help but think, “Thanks for ditching me, bastard.”
He grabs his book that he’s reading for English, kids from his table question why he’s reading voluntarily. Ryan barely pays attention to the words in front of him, a part of him telling him to go talk to Brendon and make everything okay.
After a few minutes of reading and small talk from his table, he feels a light tap on his shoulder.
“Ryan,” Spencer says, looking back to see Brendon not at the table anymore. Ryan turns to him questioningly. “What the fuck did you do?”
Ryan looks at his table and stands up, dragging Spencer to the side. “I can’t do it Spencer!” He says, voice getting sharp.
“Do what exactly?”
“Brendon and I… we can’t be… I can’t.” Ryan sighs heavily.
“He… he knows too much. He’s getting to close and if we get close I’ll-“
“You’ll what?” Spencer stares at him in the eye, eyes narrow.
Ryan swallows hard, meeting Spencer’s gaze. “I’ll ruin it!” Ryan’s voice is significantly louder than before.
Spencer behind Ryan, Brendon right near him, “You two need to talk it out.”
Ryan feels like he’s been punched in the stomach as Spencer walks away.
Brendon stands in front of Brendon, avoiding his eyes. “You couldn’t have ruined anything.” He whispers.
“I-“ Ryan’s mouth goes dry. “I’m so fucking messed up and you had to deal with me.”
“I wasn’t doing it because I had to. And you’re not the only one who has problems.”
“Oh please,” Ryan scoffs. “What could possibly be wrong in your life other than me?”
Brendon glares at Ryan, grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the bathroom. Once they’re there,
Brendon lifts up his shirt to show scars and fresh cuts on his stomach and chest, tears wanting to come on. Ryan is the only one who has ever seen this.
“You’re not the only one who has issues at home.” Ryan’s jaw fell, his eyes wide as he reaches out his hand to trace over the scars. “When my parents found out I was gay they threatened to disown me and tried to ‘fix’ me,” Brendon stares at Ryan’s hand, “They sent me to people trying to fix me. Then I left the church and things got worse with them… my mom is not too bad, but then my sisters and father…” Brendon shakes his head, not continuing as he drops his shirt.
Brendon shakes his head, stepping away from Ryan and walking out of the bathroom. He sits down at the lunch table and doesn’t say a word, Christina, Ally, and Spencer not saying anything to him, figuring he doesn’t want to talk.
He goes to his music class, sitting in his normal seat next to Shelby who greets him excitedly. Brendon shakes his head to her and sinks in his seat.
Ryan passes him as he walks in, not saying a word.
Things are just going to be how they used to. Both of them never talking, they no longer know each other.
Mr. Nelson looks at them, him noticing how both of them look to be upset.
“Today we are going to do some partner work. I have already selected your partners. Shelby with John, Erica with Rachel, Hayley with Robby, Ryan with Brendon, Jessica with Emma, Peter with
Ashley, Lee with Emily, Bailey with Steven, and Zoe with Kayla.” Ryan and Brendon’s heads shoot up, glaring at the teacher who grins to himself. “What you guys are going to do is make your own composition on the computer; all of you guys already took Electronic Music so this should be no problem. Have at least twenty-eight measures done by next Monday and make it unique. You’ll be graded. Get started, go crazy.”
Brendon and Ryan both don’t move from their seats while everyone moves around. “Brendon, Ryan, I expect you two to get something done this period.” Ryan rolls his eyes, getting up from his seat and going to the computer, grabbing a seat for Brendon too.
Brendon sits down hesitantly, looking at the computer as Ryan opens the program.
“So I… I was thinking it could start out slow and then work into a big thing. You know like uh- the August Rush movie thing? We don’t have to do it but I mean-“ Ryan rambles as he messes with settings.
“That’s cool, sure.” Brendon nods.
“Not like how long though, I mean for a few measures but-“
“Put it in G major, start with tremolo on the F sharp, and make it crescendo in the second measure.” Brendon points, “If you want.”
Ryan listens to his suggestions, agreeing on all of them as they go. They manage to get four
done until the bell rings.
Ryan goes to meet Spencer, who stands next to Ryan’s locker. Ryan grabs his things and looks at Spencer. “C’mon. I’d say I’d give someone else a ride today.”
“Brendon.” Ryan’s eyes go wide. “He needed a ride, his brother took the car.”
“Are you fucking kidding me,” Ryan huffs, rolling his eyes.
“You’re really good at that,” Brendon says, walking up next to Spencer.
“What?” Spencer asks, looking over at Brendon confused.
“Ryan is really good at rolling his eyes.” Brendon shrugs.
“He gets a lot of practice.” Ryan has to stop himself from rolling his eyes then.
They approach the car, Spencer unlocking it. “Shot gun,” Ryan says, slipping into the front seat as Brendon nods in defeat.
It is a long and awkward drive, Spencer being somewhat satisfied because at least they are talking to each other. To Spencer, they don’t necessarily have to be friends, but he wants them to be.
Ryan flips though the radio, looking for something tolerable. Spencer holds his hand out when he hears a Queen song come on. “You like Queen, Brendon?”
“Course,” Brendon doesn’t move, just continues to look out the window. “Mom used to play them all the time.”
Ryan bites his lip, thinking about the painful conversation they had during lunch. Spencer stops at his house, smiling. “Hey I thought you were taking us home!” Ryan exclaimed, feeling annoyed and somewhat relieved.
“Well don’t you guys want to play video games or something other than homework and work?”
“Valid point,” Brendon nods, following Spencer as Ryan walks behind both of them.
They walk into Spencer’s house to be greeted by his mom and sisters who are doing their homework on the kitchen table. “We’ll be in my room, Mom.” Spencer says after greeting them as Ryan and
Brendon wait behind him.
“Aw, you guys all study buddies?”
“Mom,” Spencer drags, Ryan smirks. “Really?”
“Really, hi Ryan, and um,”
“Brendon.” She repeats, waving her hand as she averts her eyes onto the twins work.
They go up the stairs, and enter a Spencer’s bedroom. It’s a decent size; a large bed in the middle followed by a TV across from it.
“I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Spencer’s words flow out of his mouth quickly as he leaves the room, trying to make it sound urgent but Ryan sees right through it. He closes the door behind him followed by a slam.
“He did that on purpose, you know.” Ryan sighs, falling back on the bed letting out a groan.
“I really do like our song.”
“How did you-“
“Stop it, will you? Goddamn. Stop pretending we're okay.” Brendon snaps, walking out of the room as Ryan jumps up.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Ryan touches Brendon’s shoulder, making him turn around. “I really am sorry for what I said. For everything it just… the, uh, kiss freaked me out, okay? I mean... yeah, I like guys too but... us. I'm- I'm sorry.”
Brendon stares at him for a few seconds in the eyes, and then drops his gaze.
A/N Aw shucks, hello. Well, this was painful to write and I hope it isn't that bad of a read. R&R is appreciated SO much, especially the positive ones.