Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Bitch! Coward!
0 ReviewsMikey's POV
Its just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
After getting Amber’s call I ring Ray; he hasn’t seen Gee. I don’t know what else to do, so, I just wait. There really isn’t too much else to do. As much as I’d love to go running around New Jersey searching for my brother I know it’s useless. In the end he’ll come home.
I am sitting in my computer chair, surfing the internet, drinking vodka and coke when I hear the front door slam. I jump, my hand slipping off my mouse and knocking my drink onto the floor. Stomping follows, and then Gerard's door slams. Well at least we know where he is now.
Emitting from the floor below me is by far the creepiest and scariest fucking mixture of a scream and crying I have ever heard in my entire life. What the hell is happening down there? Leaning back in my chair, I try to see down the hall and find out what the fuck is going on. I end up leaning too far back, my chair toppling over backwards.
"Holy shit!" I yell in surprise as I fall back, my arms stretched in front of me, having that brief moment of panic as I tumble towards the floor, landing on my back, jamming the chair into my spine.
It hurts like hell.
I can hear someone hurrying up the stairs and a few seconds later a red headed girl stands over me, holding out her hand to help me up. She looks terrified.
"Damn it..." I mumble as Amber pulls me up off the floor.
Once up I set my chair back up smiling at my girlfriend who still looks frightened. The look on her face reminds me what is happening downstairs and inside I die a little. Gerard is in a fucking bad mood and that means….but, he promised.
"Oh no....shit!" I almost cry as both Amber, who has the same thing on her mind, and I sprint down the stairs, bursting into Gee’s room.
We find him lying on his bed, crying, am almost full bottle of Jack held to his stomach. It looks like maybe he’s only taken a sip.
"Gerard, no! You promised me, remember?!" I say angrily, running over and taking the bottle by the neck, trying to get it away from him.
Gee reaches up to try to get the bottle back from me, groaning. I slap his hand away in disgust, shaking my head. Walking over to his dresser I put the bottle on top. It’s out of his reach now, at least for a little.
Gerard screams in anger.
"Fuck you Mikey!” he yells, standing up off the bed and turning towards me, pointing his pale finger right in my direction. "You don’t know the shit I just went through, okay?! Fuck! God damn it! Give me a fucking break okay?! You’re just being selfish.”
His words hurt, like a knife in the heart. I choke back tears best I can, not that Gee would notice in his state. Amber sees the few wet streaks down my face and it’s almost like a switch flips inside her.
I watch in shock as her hands lands on Gerard’s cheek…hard. Her eyes are on fire, “You’re little brother has done nothing but try and help you. Is this really how you’re going to repay him? You will not talk to him like that, God damn it! You want to know what I think you are Gerard Way…a fucking coward. You’re a coward who can’t face his own fucking problems without blacking out and forgetting them!”
Gerard’s tears spill from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Amber so mad. Sure I’ve not know her for a long time but she seems so docile and calm about things.
Not knowing what else to do my brother begins pacing across his room. He ends up sliding everything off his desk in frenzy, making it land on the floor with a deafening crash. Pens and pencils and paper and cigarettes and ashes go everywhere. This is only before he begins to pound on his desk in anger, making dull thuds that echo off the walls in his room. Gerard then turns to Amber in anger.
“Get the fuck out of my house, bitch,” he snarls, fists clench. “I never want to see your face again. Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to Mikey. If you hadn’t come along things wouldn’t be like this.”
I’m taken aback at this. Yes, Amber’s words were harsh but as always they are the truth. Gerard and Amber are friends, really good friends in fact. How can he just do that?
Amber turns to me, tears streaming down her face. I do the only thing I can. She wraps her arms around me, crying into my chest as I comfort her best I can. My brother hurt my girlfriend. I’m taking her side. Brotherly bonds really mean nothing right now.
Both Amber and I do the only thing we can do in this situation. I back us up against the wall, Amber with her back to it, and let Gerard get everything out of his system. I won’t admit it to Gee or Amber or really anyone but I’m scared for my life right now…the life of my girlfriend. My brother has never exploded like this before and most definitely never at me and never as violent with his words as I just witnessed him with Amber. I feel unsafe in his room right now.
I try to keep calm, stroking Amber’s hair, mumble random shit to her about things being okay. I can’t help but be shocked at my brother’s actions though. He looks like a fucking legit vampire right now. He’s still screaming as he cries, his hair all over his face, his pale skin extremely visible in the dark.
We let him scream it out for what seems like hours; punching his wall, his mattress, throwing shit at Amber and me every once in a while. Then, suddenly, out of no where, he calms down. Gerard just flops onto his bed face first into his pillow. I cautiously make my way over to sit on the floor in front of him, cross-legged, looking up at my brother. Amber is right next to me the both of us waiting quietly for him to talk. After a couple minutes, Gerard rolls his head so that he can look at us, his voice is shaky.
"Frank kissed me, bro." he says.
I look at him, and then do a double take.
"Wait...what?" I question , taken aback. What the fuck did he just say, "Gerard, what the fuck?"
My brother unburies his head from the pillow to look at me, his eyes red and he nods, rubbing his nose with his hand.
"Yep, Frank fucking attacked me when I was over at his house this morning," he explains, sitting up. "I had no time to react...I...." he squints and shakes his head, as if trying to get the thought of it out of his head.
"Gerard..." I whisper, standing up, patting his shoulder. He reaches up and grabs my hand, forcing me to keep mine on his shoulder. Gerard starts to tears up again.
"Mikey...I...I was so confused, I..." he continues, looking right at me, his eyes brighter green than ever.
I look right back at him, trying to understand what he means. I don't say anything.
"I just...went along with it, you know...I just....he told me to loosen up last night...and that's what I thought he meant..." Gerard trails off, cocking his head to the side to look at Amber.
They just look at each other for a minute that hurt look still etched on Amber’s face. Instead of apologizing he glares at her, “Why the fuck are you still here. I thought I told you to leave and never come back.”
Amber looks at Gerard for a second, before shifting her gaze to me. I really have no idea what to do.
“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to leave. I need to take care of Gerard, you can come over later.”
Amber stands a hurt look in her eyes. As the door slams I know I’ve said the wrong thing.
After a second she stands, flips Gee off and walks out, slamming his door behind her.
I frown. I want to go after her but I think Gerard needs to get this off his chest even though I really don’t want all the details.
"I don't want to know," I interrupt him as he tries to go on. I really don't. I mean, how far did they go...?
"We didn't go too far," he says, reading my mind. "Not sex or anything. Fuck no, that shit's creepy..." he winces, picturing this.
I manage to keep that out of my head.
"We just made out for a few minutes, but still...." he looks at me again, frowning. "I was confused, scared, Mikey, terrified, even."
I sit next to him on his bed, and wrap my arms around him best I can. Fuck…this has to be confusing for him. I mean Gee cries but never this much. Gerard’s never really had a lasting relationship before, but as far as I know he likes girls...but now this?
How'd this happen? I don't ask him though. He’ll tell me when he is ready to. I unlatch myself from him, grab the alcohol from the dresser, walking back to the bed, and hand it to him.
He looks at me, blinking, and narrowed his eyes, "Mikey, you just said--"
"Bro, you've been through hell today. I'll let it slide this once, okay?" I hand it to him and sit back down.
"But it's not even noon..." he protests, looking at the bottle.
I smile at him; he really is fucking trying this time. I’m so proud of him.
"Who the fuck cares, it's Saturday, bro," I say, “but, before I hand this over I want to get something out of the way. The way you talked to my girlfriend, it wasn’t cool dude. You hurt her.”
He shrugs, grabbing the bottle out of my hands starts drinking it. I just sit there; watching him down the stuff like it is water. Gerard stops after about half a minute or so, then gives me the bottle as he wipes his mouth on his sleeve, his head in his elbow. I drink some as well. We pass the bottle back and forth until we’ve finish off the whole thing to the last drop. I put the bottle on the ground at the foot of the bed, and wrap my arms around my brother again, feeling buzzed. We sit there in silence, until the doorbell sounds. Gerard chuckles.
"Fifty bucks says that's him..." he says, smiling stupidly, blinking and rubbing his right eye with his finger.
He is so wasted, I can tell. He’s slurring, and giggling uncontrollably for really no reason. Drunken Gerard is back....
"Do you want me to get it?" I ask him, and he shakes his head.
"Fuck, bro, no...." he giggles.
I get up anyways, patting him on the back, and go upstairs. Stumbling and falling, I eventually manage to get up the stairs, my vision blurry. I pull open the door and blink a few times.
A blob that resembled Frank looks like he is about to say something, but I just give him the finger and slam the door in his face. Frank knock and I open the door, frowning.
"What the fuck to you want." I question angrily.
"Mikey, I....I need to talk to Gerard...."
I shake my head.
"You've done enough, bro," I reply, slamming the door again.
He knocks once again.
"Fuck, do you ever give up?" I ask opening the door.
He doesn't respond and just squeezes past me, slapping a note to my chest before heading downstairs to Gerard's room. I close the door and look at the note in my hand. It’s from Amber.
Don’t call, don’t come find me…I don’t want to see you or your brother ever again.
– Amber
This can’t mean good things.
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
After getting Amber’s call I ring Ray; he hasn’t seen Gee. I don’t know what else to do, so, I just wait. There really isn’t too much else to do. As much as I’d love to go running around New Jersey searching for my brother I know it’s useless. In the end he’ll come home.
I am sitting in my computer chair, surfing the internet, drinking vodka and coke when I hear the front door slam. I jump, my hand slipping off my mouse and knocking my drink onto the floor. Stomping follows, and then Gerard's door slams. Well at least we know where he is now.
Emitting from the floor below me is by far the creepiest and scariest fucking mixture of a scream and crying I have ever heard in my entire life. What the hell is happening down there? Leaning back in my chair, I try to see down the hall and find out what the fuck is going on. I end up leaning too far back, my chair toppling over backwards.
"Holy shit!" I yell in surprise as I fall back, my arms stretched in front of me, having that brief moment of panic as I tumble towards the floor, landing on my back, jamming the chair into my spine.
It hurts like hell.
I can hear someone hurrying up the stairs and a few seconds later a red headed girl stands over me, holding out her hand to help me up. She looks terrified.
"Damn it..." I mumble as Amber pulls me up off the floor.
Once up I set my chair back up smiling at my girlfriend who still looks frightened. The look on her face reminds me what is happening downstairs and inside I die a little. Gerard is in a fucking bad mood and that means….but, he promised.
"Oh no....shit!" I almost cry as both Amber, who has the same thing on her mind, and I sprint down the stairs, bursting into Gee’s room.
We find him lying on his bed, crying, am almost full bottle of Jack held to his stomach. It looks like maybe he’s only taken a sip.
"Gerard, no! You promised me, remember?!" I say angrily, running over and taking the bottle by the neck, trying to get it away from him.
Gee reaches up to try to get the bottle back from me, groaning. I slap his hand away in disgust, shaking my head. Walking over to his dresser I put the bottle on top. It’s out of his reach now, at least for a little.
Gerard screams in anger.
"Fuck you Mikey!” he yells, standing up off the bed and turning towards me, pointing his pale finger right in my direction. "You don’t know the shit I just went through, okay?! Fuck! God damn it! Give me a fucking break okay?! You’re just being selfish.”
His words hurt, like a knife in the heart. I choke back tears best I can, not that Gee would notice in his state. Amber sees the few wet streaks down my face and it’s almost like a switch flips inside her.
I watch in shock as her hands lands on Gerard’s cheek…hard. Her eyes are on fire, “You’re little brother has done nothing but try and help you. Is this really how you’re going to repay him? You will not talk to him like that, God damn it! You want to know what I think you are Gerard Way…a fucking coward. You’re a coward who can’t face his own fucking problems without blacking out and forgetting them!”
Gerard’s tears spill from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Amber so mad. Sure I’ve not know her for a long time but she seems so docile and calm about things.
Not knowing what else to do my brother begins pacing across his room. He ends up sliding everything off his desk in frenzy, making it land on the floor with a deafening crash. Pens and pencils and paper and cigarettes and ashes go everywhere. This is only before he begins to pound on his desk in anger, making dull thuds that echo off the walls in his room. Gerard then turns to Amber in anger.
“Get the fuck out of my house, bitch,” he snarls, fists clench. “I never want to see your face again. Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to Mikey. If you hadn’t come along things wouldn’t be like this.”
I’m taken aback at this. Yes, Amber’s words were harsh but as always they are the truth. Gerard and Amber are friends, really good friends in fact. How can he just do that?
Amber turns to me, tears streaming down her face. I do the only thing I can. She wraps her arms around me, crying into my chest as I comfort her best I can. My brother hurt my girlfriend. I’m taking her side. Brotherly bonds really mean nothing right now.
Both Amber and I do the only thing we can do in this situation. I back us up against the wall, Amber with her back to it, and let Gerard get everything out of his system. I won’t admit it to Gee or Amber or really anyone but I’m scared for my life right now…the life of my girlfriend. My brother has never exploded like this before and most definitely never at me and never as violent with his words as I just witnessed him with Amber. I feel unsafe in his room right now.
I try to keep calm, stroking Amber’s hair, mumble random shit to her about things being okay. I can’t help but be shocked at my brother’s actions though. He looks like a fucking legit vampire right now. He’s still screaming as he cries, his hair all over his face, his pale skin extremely visible in the dark.
We let him scream it out for what seems like hours; punching his wall, his mattress, throwing shit at Amber and me every once in a while. Then, suddenly, out of no where, he calms down. Gerard just flops onto his bed face first into his pillow. I cautiously make my way over to sit on the floor in front of him, cross-legged, looking up at my brother. Amber is right next to me the both of us waiting quietly for him to talk. After a couple minutes, Gerard rolls his head so that he can look at us, his voice is shaky.
"Frank kissed me, bro." he says.
I look at him, and then do a double take.
"Wait...what?" I question , taken aback. What the fuck did he just say, "Gerard, what the fuck?"
My brother unburies his head from the pillow to look at me, his eyes red and he nods, rubbing his nose with his hand.
"Yep, Frank fucking attacked me when I was over at his house this morning," he explains, sitting up. "I had no time to react...I...." he squints and shakes his head, as if trying to get the thought of it out of his head.
"Gerard..." I whisper, standing up, patting his shoulder. He reaches up and grabs my hand, forcing me to keep mine on his shoulder. Gerard starts to tears up again.
"Mikey...I...I was so confused, I..." he continues, looking right at me, his eyes brighter green than ever.
I look right back at him, trying to understand what he means. I don't say anything.
"I just...went along with it, you know...I just....he told me to loosen up last night...and that's what I thought he meant..." Gerard trails off, cocking his head to the side to look at Amber.
They just look at each other for a minute that hurt look still etched on Amber’s face. Instead of apologizing he glares at her, “Why the fuck are you still here. I thought I told you to leave and never come back.”
Amber looks at Gerard for a second, before shifting her gaze to me. I really have no idea what to do.
“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to leave. I need to take care of Gerard, you can come over later.”
Amber stands a hurt look in her eyes. As the door slams I know I’ve said the wrong thing.
After a second she stands, flips Gee off and walks out, slamming his door behind her.
I frown. I want to go after her but I think Gerard needs to get this off his chest even though I really don’t want all the details.
"I don't want to know," I interrupt him as he tries to go on. I really don't. I mean, how far did they go...?
"We didn't go too far," he says, reading my mind. "Not sex or anything. Fuck no, that shit's creepy..." he winces, picturing this.
I manage to keep that out of my head.
"We just made out for a few minutes, but still...." he looks at me again, frowning. "I was confused, scared, Mikey, terrified, even."
I sit next to him on his bed, and wrap my arms around him best I can. Fuck…this has to be confusing for him. I mean Gee cries but never this much. Gerard’s never really had a lasting relationship before, but as far as I know he likes girls...but now this?
How'd this happen? I don't ask him though. He’ll tell me when he is ready to. I unlatch myself from him, grab the alcohol from the dresser, walking back to the bed, and hand it to him.
He looks at me, blinking, and narrowed his eyes, "Mikey, you just said--"
"Bro, you've been through hell today. I'll let it slide this once, okay?" I hand it to him and sit back down.
"But it's not even noon..." he protests, looking at the bottle.
I smile at him; he really is fucking trying this time. I’m so proud of him.
"Who the fuck cares, it's Saturday, bro," I say, “but, before I hand this over I want to get something out of the way. The way you talked to my girlfriend, it wasn’t cool dude. You hurt her.”
He shrugs, grabbing the bottle out of my hands starts drinking it. I just sit there; watching him down the stuff like it is water. Gerard stops after about half a minute or so, then gives me the bottle as he wipes his mouth on his sleeve, his head in his elbow. I drink some as well. We pass the bottle back and forth until we’ve finish off the whole thing to the last drop. I put the bottle on the ground at the foot of the bed, and wrap my arms around my brother again, feeling buzzed. We sit there in silence, until the doorbell sounds. Gerard chuckles.
"Fifty bucks says that's him..." he says, smiling stupidly, blinking and rubbing his right eye with his finger.
He is so wasted, I can tell. He’s slurring, and giggling uncontrollably for really no reason. Drunken Gerard is back....
"Do you want me to get it?" I ask him, and he shakes his head.
"Fuck, bro, no...." he giggles.
I get up anyways, patting him on the back, and go upstairs. Stumbling and falling, I eventually manage to get up the stairs, my vision blurry. I pull open the door and blink a few times.
A blob that resembled Frank looks like he is about to say something, but I just give him the finger and slam the door in his face. Frank knock and I open the door, frowning.
"What the fuck to you want." I question angrily.
"Mikey, I....I need to talk to Gerard...."
I shake my head.
"You've done enough, bro," I reply, slamming the door again.
He knocks once again.
"Fuck, do you ever give up?" I ask opening the door.
He doesn't respond and just squeezes past me, slapping a note to my chest before heading downstairs to Gerard's room. I close the door and look at the note in my hand. It’s from Amber.
Don’t call, don’t come find me…I don’t want to see you or your brother ever again.
– Amber
This can’t mean good things.
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