“Hey Johanna, he is kinda really drunk” Mikey says pointing to Gerard.
“THatsokaymikey” I slur. Mikey raises an eyebrow.
“Are you two gunna be okay?” He asks looking between us.
“Yeah just peachy” Gerard says stepping into the house. Mikey shrugs.
“Okay well if you need anything just call” He says waving and leaving to porch.
I close the door and look at Gerard. He is just as drunk as me. I go up to him and look him in his eyes. I don’t know if I should be mad or not. Just as I am about to say something Gerard presses his lips on mine pulling me into a lingering kiss. He tastes like beer and smells of smoke. I smile and wrap my arms around his neck and continue to kiss him. He pulls me down to couch and pulls me on top of him. He gently starts to run his fingers up my shirt and takes it off. I let it fall to the floor. What am I doing? But this feels so right, hormones and alcohol don’t mix. Just as I am about to stop him he kisses me more passionately and I lose all train of thought. I run my fingers up his shirt and pull his shirt over his head. I feel his warm body against me and I am caught up again. Gerard lifts me up and puts me under him. He runs his hands up and down my body and breasts. Im losing it, I can’t do this not now not like this, but damn does that feel good! He starts kissing my neck and I let out a soft moan, he looks up at me and smiles a sexy smile and starts kissing me passionately again reaching his hands towards my legs. My legs tighten at he puts his fingers in the hem of pants. He then goes for the buttons and undoes one and that’s when I know I have to stop him.
“Gerard, No” I say. Gerard loos at me with a puzzled expression then he sighs.
“Right, sorry” He gets off me and sits up regularly. I mimic.
“I want to just not like this, we arebothincredibly drunk , plus my promise…” I trail off slurring some. Gerard sighs and runs his hands through his hair.
“I get it don’tyouworry” He slurs.
“About tonight” I start off but he puts his finger up to stop me,
“In the morning? When we are both sober so we can remember some of what we said?” He asks. I nod.
“To bed?” I ask. Gerard nods and stands up wabbling a bit as he does. I stand up next to him and bend down to grab our shirts and walk into the bedroom.
Gerard takes off his pants and is in just his boxers. I check him out. Damn what did I just pass up?!. I shake my head from the thoughts as he puts on a pair of his pajama pants that he has kept here. I grab a pair of mine also and put on his shirt. I smile seeing how long it is on me and big. I go over to the side of the bed and slip under the covers. Gerard puts his arm around me and I get chills again.
“You cold?” he slurs.
“Nope *hiccup I am fine hiccup*” I hear him chuckle and a few seconds later all I hear is drunken snoring. I smile and stare up at the black ceiling letting my drunken hiccups sing me to sleep.
I wake up the next morning to the smell of bacon and coffee. I open and my eyes and look at the clock. It is almost 12:00. I stretch and see that Gerard isn’t there. I get out of bed and put on my slippers and walk out of my room and into the kitchen. Gerard is standing over the stove making some bacon and pancakes. He looks over at me and smiles.
“Good morning” He says looking back down at the pan.
“Ummm morning…what is with all this?” I ask in a groggy tone.
“Just thought I would cook you some breakfast” He says flipping the pancakes. I raise an eyebrow.
“It is almost noon, it isn’t breakfast anymore” I say pointing at the clock. Gerard shrugs.
“Brunch then” He turns off the burners and grabs some plates out of the cabinet. Something is up with him, just what is it? I’ll interrogate him later.
I walk over to Pickles food and fill up his bowl, he begins scarfing it down. I then lazily walk over to the kitchen table and sit down. Gerard sets the plates down. I smile seeing he made a smiley face on my pancake with the bacon strips.
“Thanks for the smiley face” I say pointing at my pancake with my fork. Gerard smiles and takes a bite out of his bacon.
“You’re welcome” he says while chewing. He is just so cute. “Are you going to eat?” He asks. I shrug.
“It is too cute to eat” I say admiring my pancake. Gerard rolls his eyes.
“Girls” He grabs the syrup and pours it over my pancakes. “Now eat” he says laughing. I open my mouth is shock.
“You drowned him!” I say putting my fork down and pouting.
“Oh Jo! It was a fricken pancake!” Gerard says taking a sip of his coffee and laughing. I pout at him. He rolls his eyes and gets up from the table and walks over to me “You’re way to cute when you do that” He stares down at me and my heart races he then kisses me deeply sending tingles through my whole body. He pulls away and smiles a crooked smile. I smile back at him with butterflies in my stomach. He goes and sits back down and take another sip of coffee.
I stare down at my now sad looking pancake. I pick up my fork and cut into it and take a bite. Gerard smiles. We continue the rest of the meal in silence. Once we finish I stand up and grab the plates and head towards the sink.
“No no its okay I’ll do the dishes” Gerard says pushing me away from the sink.
“No I can do it, you cooked I’ll clean” I say pushing him out of the way. He looks down at me with a playful smile. He reaches down and picks me up. I yelp in surprise.
“Gerard put me down!” I say between laughs. He continues walking and takes me into the restroom. He sets me down and smiles at me. “You shower and get ready for the day while I do the dishes okay?” He says giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“I was planning on staying in all day wearing this” I say pointing to my outfit. Gerard smiles when I do and I realize I am wearing his misfits t-shirt. He kisses me again. “Just let me do the dishes okay?” He says giving me another kiss. I know something is up. I roll my eyes and walk into the living room.
“What?” He says following me.
“Will you please just tell me what is up? I know something is wrong” I cross my arms and look at him. Gerard runs his hand through his hair. God why does he do that?! It is so sexy.
“I just want to do the dishes Johanna what is so wrong with that?” He says getting a little agitated.
“No you don’t tell me what is wrong now” I demand. His face gets red, with embarrassment? Anger? I don’t know. I sit down on the couch and signal for him to sit with me he does. He starts to tap his foot.
I grab his hand. “Gerard come on. Lets talk about this” I say soothingly. He squeezes my hand.
“Im just an idiot Johanna”-Gerard
“I got so angry last night at that guy and beat the shit out of him and I promised myself that I wouldn’t show you that part of me because of what happened with your piece of shit ex. Im just trying to make it better.” Gerard rubs his eyes.
“Gerard you are nothing like Chad, I will admit I was scared, very scared. But you were protecting me not hurting me.” I say rubbing his back. He looks at me and shakes his head.
“I don’t care I shouldn’t have done it, I got so mad and so embarrassed that I went and got really drunk and high I thought I ruined it.” –Gerard. I just nod.
“Well you didn’t. We both got pretty messed up last night” –Me. Gerard shakes his head again.
“And then we almost did things we shouldn’t have and I was such an idiot” He looks up at me again. I remember our moment of passion. I blush remembering. I look over at him and his is blushing too. I reach over and give him a kiss. He smiles.
“forget about it okay?” I take his hand and kiss his knuckles. He pulls me closer to him and I put my head on his chest.
“I have a show today, you gunna come or stay in your pj’s all day? Not that I’d mind you look very cute in MY shirt” He laughs. I smile and look up at him.
“I guess I can get dressed just for you” I say sarcastically. He raises an eyebrow then smiles giving me a kiss on my nose. I get chills. How can he do this to me? I continue to stare up at him his big hazle eyes staring back at me, and I feel the electricity between us just as I am about to make my move the phone rings. I get up off the couch and answer.
“Hello?” I answer agitated.
“Johanna? Hey it is Frank!” he says. I can hear loud music and what sounds like people talking.
“Umm Hi Frank?” I look over and see Gerard standing in the door way with a quizzical look on his face.
“Is Gerard there?” he asks. I then hand the phone over to Gerard who walks out of the room.
I walk over to the fridge and grab a bottle of wine and reach up in the cupboard and grab a glass. I walk over to the table and poor myself a glass. I know it is early but I don’t care. I sit and start to wonder about everything. 3 weeks ago I was happy well not happy but content with my life, I knew where my future was going and what I wanted from it now? Now I just don’t know. I have a rock star boyfriend who is leaving in a month to tour for 3 months around the east and west coast , while I stay here waiting for him to come back. I should call it off but then I cant. Just thinking about the way he makes me feel is over whelming. One look at him and I am jelly, he makes my heart soar and my stomach fill with butterflies. But then at the same time ever since I have ever met him I’ve been drinking and smoking a lot but I guess that comes with the lifestyle? I just don’t know. I take a big sip of whine.
“Isn’t it a little early for that?” Gerard says walking back into the room and here I am, Jelly.
“Yeah but it’s a weekend” I say taking another drink. “Want some?” I ask. Gerard shakes his head no.
“No that was Frank, we need to rehearse and go over some stuff for the show and tour this afternoon” I cringe at the word tour.
“Okay” I take another sip.
“So you’re going to come?” He asks with hopeful eyes.
“Yes at 8?” I ask. He nods. He comes over to the table and grabs my chin with his hand and tilts my head up toward him and gives me a kiss. I melt.
“I will see you then, have fun being a couch potato today” He smiles and grabs his keys and walks out the door. I pour another glass.
I spend the rest of the afternoon on my couch reading a book and drinking a couple glasses of wine. By the time 7:00 comes I am pretty buzzed. I pick up the phone and dial for a cab to come pick me up in about 45 minutes. I pick up the empty bottle of wine and place it on the kitchen counter before heading into my room to get ready. As I do I look around and see some of Gerard’s clothes. He might as well move in here, in fact I think I might ask him to since he has spent almost every night for the past month here. I grab one of his t-shirts and put it on along with a pair of my jeans. I apply my makeup and do my hair half up and half down. Even I have to admit I look hot. I hope Gerard thinks the same. I start remembering last night and bite my bottom lip wanting more. No! No I cant! Wait until I am married that is the plan! But the way he makes me feel…. I hate this.
The cab comes and takes to me to where guys are playing. It is bigger bar. I give the cabbie his money and walk in. There are a lot of people here all around the stage. I order myself a beer and head for the crowd, after several elbowing and curse words later I am in the front next to some other girls who have bright pink and green streaks in their hair one wearing a black shirt with MCR on it and the other a white with MCR on it. They look over at me and roll their eyes. What did I do?
“I have been to almost every show they have put on here” the girl in white says.
“I have been to 4 or so…” The girl in black says.
“They are going on tour too this summer! I think I might follow them!” The girl in white says. My heart twinges. These bimbos seeing Gerard every day while I have to stay at home?
“Yeah we should! That would be so cool! We could try and sleep with them too” the girl in black says in a school girl voice. I clench my fist.
“Sleep with who you want to, the lead singer is mine though” says the girl in black. My blood is boiling. Not with him! He is mine ALL MINE. I glare at them. The girl in black looks at me and rolls her eyes
“Take a picture it will last longer” she comments then turns back to the stage and just as I am about to say something the room goes dark.
Everyone cheers. The lights dim and you can see the outline of everyone. I concentrate on only one silhouette and that is Gerard. He walks up to the microphone stand and signals for the band to start playing. He is looking around the crowd. For me perhaps? The music starts and he begins to sing. Still looking around the room. I push my way further up right next to the bimbos.
The girl in black looks at me again and rolls her eyes. I chug the rest of my beer and throw it to the ground. Gerard is singing Vampires will never hurt you. He gets to the hard guitar part in the song and turns into a completely different person. He is jumping up and down and head banging all while singing “steak my heart” I smile. I love seeing this Gerard. Once the song ends he puts the mike back on the stand look around the crowd again looking worried. He is looking for me! My heart soars. I wait for the crowd to quiet down. I then yell at the top of my lungs.
“GERARD!” He looks over in my direction and our eyes meet. He smiles a sexy half smile at me and begins singing the next song.
“Bitch you screamed that right in my ear!” The girl in black yells over the music at me. I just shrug and start moving my body to the music.
Gerard is now singing Demolition lovers and stairs at me the whole time. I get goose bumps and can’t get the cheesy grin off my face until I hear the two bimbos.
“No he is looking at me!’ The girl in white argues.
“No he is looking at me! Looks like im getting some tonight” The girl in black says. I glare at her again. Not taking her eyes off of MY man she yells to me.
“Like someone like you has a shot with him, just leave already” I go to protest when the girls start screaming.
“Oh my God he is coming this way!” They both squeal. I look and see Gerard singing and walking towards me. He jumps off the stage still walking and singing. He comes up to the girls and they reach their hands out and he ignores them and walks straight towards me. When the song goes into a long instrument solo Gerard takes my face with his hands and pulls me into a deep passionate kiss. My heart is flying and I am jelly again. The electricity is there again. I kiss him back putting my hands in his hair and pulling him closer, he tastes like cigarettes and beer. He pulls away and smiles and me and starts singing again hopping back on the stage. T
The 2 girls stare at me their mouths open in shock. I smile a smug smile.
“That is my boyfriend” I yell over the music. And I am proud to say it, yell it. I don’t care that he has to leave in a month, he is mine! And tomorrow I am asking him to move In with me. It is in this moment of pure smuggness, happiness and passion that I finally allow myself to realize that I love him.