Mikey and Frank find Gerard... with a little bonding later on.... Slight Frerard.
Title is- if course- From My Chem.
Chapter 13- Drowning Lessons
I'm only on my knees for a few seconds before I gather my thoughts together. I pull myself to my feet again and run over to the bathtub, sobbing uncontrollably. My hands reach out for my brothers floating body, face empty of colour and hair stuck to his face. I put an arm under his shoulder blades and lift his torso out of the water. He's light enough for me to lift him out of the tub with ease and lay him on the floor. I look over to Frank, who is standing at the doorway looking shocked as tears fall down his cheeks. I think fast, despite the shock and confusion my mind is dealing with.
"Frank! Do you, er, do you know CPR?" My hands are too shaky to do anything right now.
He sniffs "Uhh.... Yeah, I learnt when I went to swim class when I was little."
"I don't care when you learnt it, just get over here!" He looks taken aback by my harsh words, but he understand the reason and hurries over to where Gerard lay lifeless on the floor.
He puts his ear to Gerard's mouth, listening intently. His face now free of any emotion, he puts two fingers to Gerard's jugular, feeling for a pulse.
"He's got a pulse! Mikey, he's still alive!!!" I let out a huge cry of joy. "He still needs CPR though, he's probably got loads of water in his lungs. Can you step back?" I walk over to where my mother is stood in the doorway, tears falling down her cheeks as she sobs quietly.
"It's okay, Mom." I hug her tightly, not wanting to ever let go. "Everything's gonna be fine." She breaks away to look at Frank working away at Gerard's chest, trying to revive him.
Frank presses down on his chest over and over again, stopping every so often to check his pulse. After a tense five minutes, we all hear the wonderful sound of spluttering as Gerard regains consciousness. Frank pulls Gee's head onto his lap, cradling him gently. My Mom and I rush over to his side. He's looking up into Frank's eyes, almost dreamlike.
"Is this heaven?" He slurrs, moving his hand up to poke Frank's face. "Frankie, why are you dead? You're not meant to be dead." I clear my throat, making him roll his head in my direction. His eyes widen, still in a daze. "Mikey?! You're dead too? What the fuck happened?" I look at him with a sad expression.
"Gee, you aren't in heaven. You're not dead." He looks as though he doesn't believe me.
"Yes I am." He starts to cry. "Please tell me I'm dead." His words make my heart ache, causing my eyes to tear up again.
"Gee, we pulled you out of the bath tub. Frank gave you CPR, he saved you." He looks up at Frank, his eyes accusing.
"You! Why?! Why did you fucking pull me out of there?" He pushes himself off the floor, stumbling and falling back onto his hands and knees. Giving up, he lies down on the floor and sobs his heart out. I never thought sounds that utterly heartbreaking could come from another human being. His anguished cries sound as though his soul is being ripped apart. He sounds so unbelievably broken, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Seeing Gerard in this state is too much for my Mom and she gets up and bolts out of the room. Frankie just looks at me sympathetically, his clothes dripping wet from Gerard's soaking wet body.
"Do you want me to..." He trails off, gesturing towards the door.
"No, you don't have to. Thank you, Frank." He just shrugs.
"S'nothing." He looks down at Gerard. "Should we move him to his room?" I nod and pick Gerard up in my arms, cradling him close to my chest, protecting him from his surroundings. Too fucking late to start protecting him now though, isn't it?
I lay him down gently on his bed and he curls up in a ball, his sobs turning into soft crying and sniffling. It's like he's a little kid again. I sit down on the bed next to him, reaching over to gently touch his shoulder. He flinches at the contact, so I retract my hand.
"Gee? Come on, buddy, we gotta get you out of those wet clothes." I go to take his jacket off, but he pulls out of my reach.
"No." He says in a whisper. I wait for him to say more but he just lays there, curled in on himself and facing the wall. I stand up in a rage, running my hands through my dishevelled hair, trying to calm myself down. I rub my eyes with a sigh, I'm not going to get anything out of him. I feel someone touch me on the shoulder and I whirl around. Frank is stood there with a comforting look on his face. He grabs my face in both of his hands and just looks me in the eyes.
"It's going to be fine." He lets go of my face and pulls me into a hug, which I return without hesitation. I'm pretty sure I'm crushing Frank, but he doesn't complain. He just lets me crush him and cry into his shoulder. It takes about ten minutes for me to get it all out of my system, but I finally release him from my hold. He just moves his hand to rub my back soothingly.
"Why don't you go and see your Mom, I'll stay with Gerard." I must look a little bit wary, because he grabs my face again and makes me look him in the eyes. "Trust me. He'll be fine." I smile at him.
"I do trust you, Frank." He smiles back at me, and slaps me on the ass.
"Now, go on. Get outta here." Giving me a gentle push, he moves me toward the staircase.
I'm just about to walk up the stairs when I turn my head to the left, my eyes falling upon the bathroom. I freeze on the spot.
"Mikey? What are you doing?" I walk past him, ignoring him completely. "Wha- Where are you going?"
The note is on the wall above the tub, bright yellow with dark black lettering. How did I not see this before? I tear it off the tiles before turning to go back in Gee's room. Frank is still looking at me in confusion, but his face drops when he sees the contents of my hand.
"Is that...?" I nod, looking over at Gerard's crying form.
Frank just stares at me in shock, and I take a deep breath. "His suicide note." I say, holding back tears.
"You aren't going to read it are you?" I say, shocked.
"Of course I am, that's what he wanted isn't it? Besides, don't you think I deserve to know why my own brother decided to try and top himself?" He bites back viciously.
Mikey turns away from me to go and sit on the chair in the corner of the room. When he's seated, he unfolds the paper and begins reading it intently. I study his face and watch it go from sympathetic, to confusion, to upset. I'm pretty sure at one point he laughs, which is kinda strange... When he finishes reading it, he's back to sad again, and he screws up the note into a ball and runs out of the room. Making sure that he's really gone, I walk over to the paper ball on the floor and pick it up. I smooth out the paper so that I'm able to read it.
Mom and Mikey,
Okay, if I'm successful, I'll be dead by the time you get this note. I've written it to explain things. That's if you even care enough to read it.
I'm so sorry for doing this, but I just can't cope anymore. Everyday I am tortured by people at school, they make my life hell and I've had enough. That's not the only reason I did this though. Mom, you know what happened to me all those years ago. You think I'm over it, but I'm not. I think about what happened every minute of every day, it haunts me. It haunts me what that sick bastard did to me. I know you probably feel like it was your fault, but it wasn't. It was nobody's fault but his. He's fucking twisted and sick in the head. And not just him, but what they did to me at school that time, it was so humiliating, they were just so cruel! I've never been able to forget it, and the bullying has gotten a whole lot worse.
I'm unhappy with pretty much every aspect of my life. I hate the way I look, the way I dress, my personality, they're all contributing factors to the bullying I endure. Everyday for the past four years, I've thought about suicide, a way to end all of this pain. To be honest, the only reason I didn't do this sooner is because of you and Mikey. But after tonight, I've realised that all I'm doing is causing the both of you pain. You don't need me here, bringing you down. By doing this, I'm making everyone's life better. I'll be happy again and you will be free of a burden.
Mom, I love you. You've been amazing these past few years. You tried to help me through everything that was thrown my way and I can't thank you enough for that. But I'm beyond help and don't you dare think it's your fault. I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through, it wasn't intentional. You just need to understand that this is for the best. I can't bear to carry on living like this, it's tearing me and people around me apart. But just remember, even though I may not have shown it at the time, I am so grateful for everything you did for me.
And Mikey, you're the best brother I could've wished for. We've had some fun over the years, haven't we? Remember that time when mom left us in the house on our own and you almost burnt the place down with the toaster? Your face was priceless! But seriously, I can't express how grateful I am to you for caring so much about me. I know I didn't make it easy for you but you stood by me. I'm just sorry I made you resent me in the end. I never wanted you to hate me, I'm truly sorry and I never meant any of those hurtful things that I said to you.
Just one other person I have to explain myself to. Frank. I know it was only for a week or so, but you gave me someone to talk to and didn't treat me like a piece of crap. It was nice having someone being nice to me rather than those jocks being twats. A nice final week. Thank you for making my last days better.
So, there's your explanation. I just really hope that you understand it. This is nobody's fault, I chose to do this. It was my decision and my decision only, so don't go blaming yourselves.
I love you guys so much, forever and always,
I fold the paper in half and look back towards Gerard, who is now sitting up against the wall with his chin resting on his knees. I start a little when I see him there, worried about his reaction to me reading the letter.
"Sorry, it was on the floor. I didn't- Yeah." Gerard just stares at me while I stumble over my words.
"I don't mind. You were meant to see it, you know, because I put your name?" He says the last bit sarcastically, before laying back down again.
"How long have you been awake?" I ask suspisciously. He just shrugs.
"I never went to sleep." His voice sounds dead. Completely lacking emotion.
"Right. Uh... Okay then." God, why is it so awkward?
The awkward silence carries on for another five or so minutes before Gerard speaks up, his voice shaky and exhausted.
"Frank, why did you pull me out of there?" I look up at him, my mouth resembling that of a goldfish.
"What? You're serious?" He doesn't reply, just continues staring at me with those empty eyes. "You're serious... Right, well for one, why wouldn't I? You're my friend, I'm not just going to let you kill yourself. And another thing, even if you weren't my friend, I don't think anybody should just waste their lives like that." He continues to glare at me.
I take a good look at him while I have the oppurtunity. His hair looks immensely messed up, sticking out in all directions because of the wetness of it. His greeny-brown
eyes are surrounded by red from crying, and I can still see some tears trapped in his long eyelashes, unable to break free. Dark purple bags lay under his eyes from obvious lack of sleep, he looks exhausted. Black lines of eyeliner have run down his face from where he was underwater, making him look even worse. But even through all of the exhaustion and tears, he still looks undeniably beautiful. I sit on the edge of his bed, making him scoot back slightly. The covers are damp from where Gerard has sat on them in his sopping wet clothes.
"Gerard, why are you mad at me for pulling you out?" He remains silent. "Do you even know how upset your mother is? How upset Mikey is? They love you so much, Gee. Aw, hell, even I was crying."
"I'm sorry, Frankie. You want to know why I did this? You read the letter, right?" I nod wordlessly. "Well then you should know that I can't. Fucking. Take it anymore! Everyday, it's relentless. They call me fat, they call me emo, they call me ugly, they call me a fag. Yeah, I know it's really stupid to care about such pointless things, but after you've had it for years it's hard to just let it go. What they say tortures me, Frank. To have so many people think that about me is too much, it makes it so hard to carry on as normal. So, yes. Yes, I don't eat, but it's because I'm fed up of those bastards treating me like shit. I just want to be accepted, is that too much to ask? Is it really so bad to want to be skinny, to want to be beautiful?"
"You are beautiful." I say without thinking. Oh, shit. Waiting to see his reaction, I keep quiet and look up at him. He's looking at me in a weird way, a cross between anger and... longing? As much as I hope it's a longing for me, I know it isn't.
He just sighs and speaks in a surprisingly calm voice. "Frank, you don't have to be nice to me because I just tried to top myself you know. I know I'm not attractive, and I'm trying to change that. But please don't lie to me, I don't appreciate that."
"Look, here." I move closer to him, shuffling along the bed on my knees so I'm sitting right in front of him. As I did with Mikey, I take his face in both hands and force him to look at me. He tenses up and backs away a little, but I carry on with what I was going to say. "I'm not lying. Ever since I saw you, I've thought you were the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen. Don't listen to any of that bullshit they throw at you, you are Gerard Way, and you are a beautiful motherfucker. Do you hear me?" He sniffs, looking at me with large glistening eyes and nods. "Good. Now, come here."
He moves forward hesitantly, as if not wanting to be close to me. He looks as though he's measuring me up to see if I'm a threat or something. Gerard finally gives in and moves into my embrace. I wrap my arms around him and lean against the wall, letting him rest his head on my shoulder. We rock back and forward as he clings on to me with his scrawmy arms.
"Thank you, Frankie." He's starting to cry again.
"Anytime Gee." I say, kissing the top of his head. We sit there for a while, Gee crying on my shoulder while I try and comfort him. "Just let it all out, you'll feel better."
I don't know how long we were sat like that for, but Gee eventually lifts his head off of my shoulder. He takes one look at my shirt and starts laughing, a weird mixture of sobbing and girly giggles. I look down also and see a massive wet patch on the shoulder of my shirt, accompanied by patches of black eyeliner. I look back up, smirking, and see Gerard biting his lip.
"Sorry about your shirt, Frankie." I shrug it off.
"S'no problem. As long as you're okay."
"Do you want to borrow a clean one?" I think about it for a second.
"You sure?" He nods and smiles.
"Of course, it's the least I can do after ruining yours." I chuckle
"Well then, yeah please." He stands up and shuffles along to his chest of drawers, picking out various shirts and putting them in a pile.
"Choose whatever you want." I nod my thanks and shift along the bed to the pile of clothes. After rifling through them, I spot a red and black Smashing Pumpkins shirt. My favourite colour! I pick it up and look to Gerard for approval.
"Dude, this shirt is AMAZING! Can I wear this one?"
"Sure. In fact, you can keep it if you want. I never wear it." I stare at him in disbelief.
"Are you serious?!" He nods and goes back to looking at his shoes.
"Thanks, Gee! I love it!" I pull at the bottom of my wet t-shirt. (A/N: Wet t-shirt contest anyone?) and slip it over my head, dropping it at my feet.
"Happy to please you." I hear him mutter.
I can feel Gerard's eyes on me as I try and sort the shirt out so I don't embarrass myself by getting my head stuck in an arm hole or something. A quick glance behind me proves my suspiscions to be correct, Gerard is in fact staring at me.
"You okay there buddy?" He blushes and looks away briefly.
"Yeah, it's just...." He's looking at me again.
"Just what? You okay?"
"Look at you. That's what I want to look like. You're skinny, but you still have a nice body. Why can't I have that?" It's my turn to blush.
"Gerard, if you just took a good look in the mirror, you'd see that you do have a body like mine. Skinnier, even. A lot skinnier." I look down and realize that I'm still shirtless. In a rush to get the shirt on, I do what I was hoping not to do... Yup, I get my head stuck in the arm hole.
"Uhh, Gee? Little help here?" I'm blushing like mad, but the shirt does a good job of hiding it.
"Sure." I can hear him laughing as he pulls himself off of the bed.
He reaches me and grabs the arm hole that my head is currently wedged into. I feel the air on my face as he eases the fabric off me. He puts the shirt into my hands.
"You think you can put it on right this time?" The smirk spreading over his face is more than attractive and he raises his eyebrow, making me want to jump him there and then.
"Haha, very funny. Nice to know my embarrassment pleases you." I reply sarcastically. I shove my arms through both arm holes and finally put my head through the right hole this time. Making sure that I pull it all the way down, I turn back to Gerard.
It's weird to see him happy after what happened just hours ago. Nice, but weird. It makes me feel... Good. Knowing that I may be part of the reason for his happiness. Maybe. Wait a second... He's laughing. Full on girly giggles and chipmunk squeaks. Why is he laughing?
"Uhh, Gee? What's so funny?" He calms down enough to point at my torso. What? In confusion, I look down. Oh, my fucking god.
My shirt's on backwards. And Gee's just laughing his ass off at me... This is embarrassing.
"For fuck sake!!!"
HE'S ALIVE!!! I told you not to worry... So, how was it guys? Good, bad, ugly? Lemme know in the review section, you'll get Sam McTrusty!!!! I'll try and update soon, which is looking likely because... MY SUMMER HOLIDAYS START NEXT WEEK!!!!
Love and some other shit...