Each of them goes to therapy to reveal a little more about themselves.
I went to therapy again today. Sister Sunshine says I’m improving. That’s good, right? I still don’t remember anything though. But she says that I do when she hypnotizes me. She says that she hopes I never remember, but she wants me to get better! I’ll get better. I just know I will. I like to see Sister Sunshine smile! But she always looks sad when I’m snapped out of the hypnotism. I don’t like that she’s sad. I want her to be happy, like me!
She says that I eventually will remember, but she’ll be here when I do. I don’t want to remember if it’ll make her unhappy! She says I probably don’t want to remember anyway, but it’s coming. She says that, if I’m lucky, it won’t come until I’m well past 15. But chances are, it’ll come before that. I hope it never comes.
And then there’s Brendon. I finally found out his name! Sister Sunshine said his name and I remembered it. I really want to be his friend. He stopped being nice to me though. He’s being kind of mean now. Did I do something wrong? :(
I went to therapy after Ryan got out from his. And fuck you, Sister Sunshine! I don’t have anger management issues! Okay, maybe I do a little. But so would she if she went through the shit I went through! She doesn’t fucking understand what I’ve been through. She doesn’t know shit. And she never will. She keeps trying to get me to tell her what is going through my mind and I just tell her to go fuck herself.
She hates that I curse all the time, but I don’t care. I don’t want anything to do with her or her stupid “family” she’s created. It’s all fucking bullshit. If she wanted a family, she should give up being a nun and get married. I didn’t want to stay with my parents, but I would have been FINE on my own. I was ready to run away at 14, but these stupid bitches found me when I was 5. Whatever, fuck this. I hate writing.
Uh… Therapy was… normal? I don’t know what else to say. Sister Sunshine was happy… at therapy? Well that’s… all I have to say.
Yo. Therapy was shit. This house is shit. I’m out.
It was early morning when Ryan came into the office. He smiled and waved at Sister Sunshine who smiled at him. He seemed to be in a good mood. Well, he’s always in a good mood though, so that’s not much of a concern. Sister Sunshine gestured for him to lay down. She stood up, “You know the drill, don’t you, sweetheart?”
He nodded enthusiastically with a smile, “Ready!” he piped. She then proceeded to hypnotize him. Once he was deeply in, she sat down and looked through her papers, “Now, Ryan, last week we went over your fifth birthday… Could you tell me what happened when you turned six?”
“I… I woke up… My mom was yelling something… something I couldn’t understand… And my dad was yelling back. Next thing I knew… dad pulled me out of bed and told me we were leaving…”
“Where were you going?”
“I… I didn’t know. But I didn’t argue. I just got dressed. I was scared. I was scared that he’d hurt me. I followed him downstairs and my mom was on the floor… She was passed out… She was bleeding. I thought… I thought she was dead…”
“I… I didn’t know… I don’t think so… Dad… Dad took me to… he took me to his friend’s house. H-H-H-His friends… they… they didn’t like me very much… They always… They always dressed me up in funny clothes… Sometimes with no clothes… and they’d play with me… They’d make me stand in front of the camera in… in the… in the clothes…”
“Did they record you?”
“I don’t… I don’t know. I just remember the camera…” the entire time, his eyes were closed, clenching every now and then as he tried to remember, “That day… That day they made me take off all my clothes. I was cold… I didn’t want to… But dad said that it was okay. So I did… And they… they took pictures… they didn’t let me put my clothes back on. When they were done with the camera, they put it away, but they made me keep standing there. One of them… he was… he was holding onto my clothes…” he winced at the memory, “He… he wouldn’t give them back…”
“What did he do with them?”
“He held them…”
“Did he do anything to you?”
“I… I asked if I could have them back… And he got mad. He started screaming at me… He got really angry… And then the rest of them did… I… I just…” he started squirming, “I remember… pain… blood…” he kept squirming and tears started to fall, “blood… so much… pain…” the tears continued.
“Ryan, it’s okay. Snap out of the memory. Ryan,” she snapped her fingers and he sat up abruptly and looked at her. She smiled sadly at him, “Are you okay?”
“Yep!” he chirped with a big smile.
Sister Sunshine didn’t understand. She couldn’t comprehend how this change happened. She knew why he’d forgotten everything. Anyone would try to forget all of the stuff that happened to them. But how he could forget it so much that he smiled all the time… That, she couldn’t comprehend. She sighed, “Do you remember your sixth birthday, Ryan?”
“Uh…” he pursed his lips, “No. I… I still don’t remember anything before you found me at 13…” he then smiled, “Oh! I remember!”
But he wouldn’t be smiling if he actually remembered. Sister Sunshine smiled, “Really? What do you remember?”
“I remember…” his brow furrowed, “No… That was someone else’s sixth birthday… There was a big party… and there was a clown! And balloons! I love balloons and clowns!” he smiled big, “That’s good, right? I have a memory!”
She smiled sadly once again and nodded, “You’re improving, Ryan, that’s fantastic. That’s all for today. Why don’t you go get Brendon?”
He blinked, “Brendon?”
“Yeah, the one with the short brown hair and brown eyes. He’s 16, thin, hates everyone?”
“Oh! His name is Brendon? Okay!” he hopped up and ran out. He ran into Brendon, “Brendon! It’s your turn!” he smiled wide.
He shrugged, “Whatever,” he pushed past him, causing him to fall. Ryan just hopped back up and waited for an apology. When he realized he wasn’t getting one, he shrugged it off and skipped off. Brendon walked in and sat down.
“Brendon, did you think about what we talked about last week?”
He shrugged, leaning back in his seat, “Doesn’t fucking matter,” he muttered angrily, staring at the wall next to Sister Sunshine’s head. What a pretty window pattern, he thought, making an attempt to calm himself down. It wasn’t working though. He hated therapy. He wanted out, he wanted to get out of this house. Two more fucking years and he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.
“Yes it does. Ryan seems to want to be your friend.”
“Yeah, well maybe I don’t fucking want a friend,” he scowled, “I want to be left alone. I don’t want shit to do with any of them. I’m not going to sit around and play games with that chipper piece of shit. I don’t have time for any of that.”
“No, fuck you!” his face was turning bright red and his fists were clenching, “Fuck you, Sister Sunshine,” he mocked her name in a rather cruel tone of voice, “Therapy is supposed to help, isn’t it? You just fucking piss me off! Why do you make me sit here week after week and go through this shit?! Maybe Ryan likes it and maybe Spencer is improving, but I don’t give a shit! Jon’s still an ass. Ryan’s a chipper piece of crap. William’s too… ugh. Tom is a fucking mute. I’m not making friends with anyone. I like to sit in my own fucking corner,” he stood from his seat, “I don’t fucking need therapy.”
“Brendon, I’m going to hypnotize you.”
“No, fuck that—”
“You need to stop swearing so much…”
“FUCK YOU,” he yelled and stormed out, smacking Jon in the face with the door. Jon shoved him away from him. Brendon growled and stalked off. Jon looked inside and Sister Sunshine was composing herself, writing something down in her notebook.
She saw Jon at the door and she smiled, “Come in!”
He walked in and sat down.
“You don’t talk much, but I have seen you write in your diary both days that you’ve had it. So why don’t you tell me what you’ve been writing?”
He shrugged and sat back in his seat.
“Jonathan, it’s important that we know what’s in your mind.”
He tossed it to her and crossed his arms over his chest.
She sighed and opened it. She then looked at him, “A couple of lines a day isn’t what we meant by writing a diary, Jon.”
“I don’t want the thing,” he spoke curtly, looking elsewhere.
“Jon, can you please try to write a little more? It’s for your own good. Can you do that for me?”
“Can you tell me why you speak and write with one-liners, Jonathan?”
He shrugged, “Easier.”
“I want a real answer.”
“Jonathan, give me a real answer. The fact that it’s ‘easier’ does not make it a real reason.”
“It’s the reason.”
“Okay, fine. So last week we talked about Spencer. Have you done anything about it?”
“Spencer had a boyfriend before he came here a few years back. I’m not going to tell you what he went through because that’s his business. But both of you will improve immensely if you have each other by your sides. So give it a shot. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“He hates me.”
“He won’t hate you, Jon.”
“Why don’t we do some roleplaying? I’ll be Spencer, you be yourself.”
“Jon, you said you wanted to talk to me?” she asked in a somewhat young voice.
“No,” he stood up, “I’m not roleplaying with you,” and he walked out. Sister Sunshine sighed. The only therapy session that was easy was Ryan’s. He never minded coming in. Then again, he was the only one that wanted to get better. She didn’t want him to “get better” though, because that meant that he’d have to remember everything. He was the only one she didn’t want to fix.
When Jon walked out, he literally ran into Spencer, who fell to the ground. He didn’t get up. He just stared down at the ground. He wasn’t one for confrontation. He just would wait for Jon to walk away. He didn’t want to get yelled at. He hated yelling. He always shut down when someone yelled at him.
Jon leaned over and extended his hand, “Let me help you up.”
“No,” he whispered meekly, “I’m okay. I like the ground,” he murmured, now tracing shapes on the floor beneath him. Jon would walk away, any time now. At any point, yeah, he’d start walking away and then Spencer would stand.
“No one likes the ground, Spencer. Let me help you up,” he kept his hand outstretched. Spencer’s eyes widened and he looked up at him in shock. Jon looked around him and then looked at him, “What? Did I offend you? Do you actually like the ground? Sorry, I’ll leave you alone then,” he put his hand down.
“No… I… uh… I don’t… You… You know… You… You know my name…” his face turned red. Spencer always had problems talking to Jon. He was never able to do it, the entire time he’d been there. He’d always barely been able to utter a sentence, so he figured Jon wouldn’t even know his name, but he does! He knew his name!
He blinked, “Yeah, no shit. Of course I know your name. How would I not know your name? We’ve been living together for two years.”
Realizing that he was kind of stupid, he looked down at the ground, “Sorry…” he whispered, “I’ll just stay on the ground,” his voice was somewhat shaky as he stared at the wood. It was actually a rather beautiful grain. The way the colors of the wood blended together was gorgeous.
Groaning internally, Jon went down on his knees, “Then I’ll stay on the ground with you,” he smiled a little.
Spencer looked at him and scooted away a little bit, “I… I… You… I…” he quickly got up from the ground and rushed into the therapy room, closing the door. Sighing, Jon got up and walked off, shoving his hands into his back pockets. He would never get anywhere with the kid.
Spencer sat down on the couch, biting at his fingernails. Sister Sunshine smiled at him, “So Spencer… Can you tell me about the time at the hotel that you almost told me about, but couldn’t? Because we ran out of time…”
“I… uh…” Spencer fidgeted uncomfortably, “There… There… There was glass everywhere… He was screaming… I… I can’t… I can’t… I can’t remember what… what he was screaming about… But it was so loud… And he started throwing things… And the glass… It all started breaking… And there was lots of screaming… And then he hit me. He hit me so hard… I… I woke up in the hospital… He was there. He was standing… Was next to the bed… He was telling me… in hushed whispers… the story he’d created… the lie… that’s all everything was… it was all lies. I started to cry when he told me the story…”
“How did he react?”
“He got angry. He started yelling at me and telling me that I was stupid for crying, telling me that I had no reason to cry. I didn’t want to live lies anymore. I was done. And he didn’t like that… He really didn’t like that… He grabbed… He grabbed the pillow and was about to put it over my face when the nurse came in. He then pretended he was fluffing it and put it back under… under my head… The nurse smiled and asked me… asked me… asked me if I was okay… I said yes. Why… why would I say no?” his voice was shaking, “he’d kill me if I said no.”
“Why did you stay with him if he scared you so much?”
“I… I… I…” he started shaking and hyperventilating, “I d… don’t… I know… I don’t… I don’t know… No… Can’t… There’s…” he shook his head, swaying back and forth, “He’s… I can’t… I can’t…” he started to cry, “I can’t…”
“It’s okay, Spencer. You know what, let’s call it a day,” she rested a hand on his shoulder. He nodded slowly, still shaking and hyperventilating, “Here. Drink this,” she handed him a glass of water, which he gladly took and took huge gulps until it was gone. She watched as his shaking slowly stopped and she smiled, “Let’s end here and I’ll see you next week.”
He nodded slowly before shyly standing. He wiped his face and just walked out. He headed up to his room and ran into Jon on the way. He blushed and bit his lip. He didn’t want to tell him to move. Jon was notorious for yelling at people. He literally yelled at everyone that had the ability to move… Well, even some people who didn’t have said ability. Jon was blocking the path and Spencer wanted to get through.
But he just stood there awkwardly, waiting for Jon to move. There wasn’t any other way to get to his room. Jon finally turned around and jumped, “What the fuck?!” causing Spencer to wince and take a step back, “You should have asked me to move!” so he was getting yelled at for not interrupting him?
“Sorry!” Spencer squeaked, bracing himself for attack.
Realizing this, Jon felt like a complete ass. He groaned, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. Don’t… Don’t do that… Please, it makes me feel like a monster… And I’m really not a monster… At least, I don’t think I am…”
Spencer slowly looked up at his face and then around himself. He pursed his lips, “Why… Why… are you… Why… nice to me?” he asked nervously. Jon was never nice to anyone, which scared Spencer. A lot. He was only ever nice to Spencer that he’d seen, so why?
Jon blinked, “What? Because I don’t like to see you wince and brace yourself for attack when I yell? It makes me feel like a monster.”
“B… B… Brendon… Brendon fights back… Ry… Ry… Ryan winces, but then smiles… T-T-T-T-Tom flinches and tries not to l-l-l-l-l-look scared… Why… Why… me?”
Most of the time, Spencer didn’t really make much sense, but the sisters and Jon had managed to somehow figure out what he was trying to say every time. Jon smiled at him, “I don’t really know… But it might have something to do with the fact that you have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen in my life… and your blonde hair is… really so gorgeous. I can just imagine running my fingers through it while you’re asleep… Wow, I sound like a creep. I mean, I know you don’t like me. Let’s face it, I am a monster, but yeah… I shouldn’t have said anything,” he turned his back and started walking away, “Fuck!” he yelled, punching the wall before he kept walking.
Spencer’s eyes widened. What… What the fuck just happened?
A/N: I got excited about this at the time I started it, so I got like three chapters written, hah. So I'll post them when I get three reviews on each. Hahah. Hope you enjoyed! :)