Frank has to leave. Gerard doesn't understand but these are his dreams he's going after and he simply can't just wait here to rot in this town. Ferrard one shit
Glamorous indie rock and roll is what I want; it's in my soul
It's what I need. Indie rock and roll, It's time.
“So Gerard told me” Bob says, leaning up against the bar like he owns the place, beer in hand “He took it pretty bad”
Frank rolls his eyes and takes another swig of his own drink, it’s one of those rare quiet moments in The Nook where the jukebox is down and the next band is setting up. It’s the rarity of these moments that has attracted Frank to the bar tonight, he’s not in the mood for talking; he just needs to be out of his dorm, even for just an hour or so. But of course, Bob wants to talk, he probably thinks Frank is all hurting inside and in need of a shoulder to cry on, but that’s really not the case; Frank is just an asshole.
“He always takes everything bad,” Frank smacks his drink back down onto the bar and makes a point out of looking over to the next band setting up; he’s seen them before, a few times they’re pretty good, actually but they probably wont go much further than collage bars. “So?”
“So why d’ya do it?” Bob asks, he’s still looking at Frank even though he hasn’t turned back to Bob “I know you still like him”
“I leave in three weeks” Frank’s face is stoic but his hands are tapping out offbeat rhythms on his beat up jeans “I had to”
“What the fuck is your problem, Bryar? I’m leaving; never to be seen again, flying from the nest! I can’t stay with him because I can’t stay at all” Frank’s voice is raised high and loud, he doesn’t need any of these emotions or prep talks or whatever the hell Bob is giving him right now.
All Frank needs is boos and loud music and maybe, later when he’s too drunk to think straight, a gross takeaway curry that’s probably full of dead animals and cream and other shit that will make him ill. Then he can sleep tight and forget how much of an asshole he really is.
“He would have gone with you” Bob’s voice is low and calm because Bob is a saint that Frank doesn’t deserve to have in his life.
Frank sighs, “I know” The band are nearly completely set up now and Frank almost smiles, watching their front man jump up and down in excitement- that’s what he needs, that’s his dream everything he lives for; music, shows, Indie rock and roll. “But it’s not his dream”
“That’s fucking stupid man, you guys are made for each other”
Frank waves for another drink “Kicking me while I’m down, Bryar, not cool”
Two of us, flipping through a thrift store magazine. She plays the drums
I'm on tambourine, betcha your bottom dollar on me. It's indie rock and roll for me
Frank doesn’t know why he agreed to meet Gerard, he really doesn’t know why Gerard even wants to meet him but Frank has issues with saying no when it comes to the artist and old habits die hard.
He’s late, but then, Gerard is always late for everything it’s in his DNA or something, Frank doesn’t know. He’s just sick of waiting for something he doesn’t want to happen so he sips his chi and pretends like everything is fine, occasionally flicking across the page of his magazine. Gerard shows up some ten minutes later.
He’s always looked good to Frank, ever since they first met; Gerard is beautiful that’s undeniable but after three years of getting to know him and his quirks and all his stupid habits and his talents Frank struggles to breath around him. Gerard has his scarf tucked up around his face and in his jacket, Frank knows, just knows that he’s probably wearing a jumper and at least two t-shirts under that too because Gerard doesn’t know the meaning of summer.
He sits down next to Frank and smiles “Hey”
Frank stops chewing on his lip to smile back, he keeps his hands in his lap despite the urge he has to catch Gerard’s within them “Hi” he says.
Gerard holds Frank’s eyes with his own as he speaks, Frank doesn’t know if he’s noticed but their knees are brushing ever so slightly, it sends Goosebumps up his spine as his listens. “You probably don’t want to see me but I was talking to Bob and”
Frank has to interrupt then because if he doesn’t he’s going to do something like listen to Gerard and believe him and Bob and their plans and that’s not fair. Even if Gerard wants this right now, this isn’t the life he deserves Gerard needs color and chalk and fine lines on smooth canvases, he needs more than just Frank and his pipe dreams. “Bob is wrong” he says, “Gerard, I’m sorry”
Gerard nods kind of sadly and moves his leg “Yeah” he breathes, “I thought so too”
Frank doesn’t dare to say ‘I love you’ he doesn’t take Gerard’s hand within his or touch his leg, he’s been giving out enough mixed messages lately all the break ups and make ups defining their whole relationship- it ends today.
In the clutch of talking every word for all the boys, electric girls with worn down toys, making up, breaking up what do you care? Oh, what do you care?
“You’ve really fucked him up this time” Bob always picks the worst times to start conversations.
Frank is packing up his shit, his guitar and his clothes and his razor, his Gameboy and his spare strings, his shower gel and his Converse; they all go into the small carry on and then that goes in the van tomorrow night. It’s too late for Bob and his bullshit and it’s too late for Frank to change his mind, he’s leaving the school and Gerard tomorrow it’s his dream calling.
“Not the time, man”
“I’m just saying” Bob more than just says, “I wouldn’t count on getting back with him now, he’s really ripped up”
Frank sighs and tries to focus on packing, not everything is fitting in and it’s frustrating, he knows it all goes if he just- “Fuck” he curses, throwing one of his shoes across the room. “I know, okay I know! But that’s the thing we’re not making up this is it, it’s over, done”
Bob makes a face like he’s not quite convinced but he nods “You should still speak to him before you go”
Frank slumps, defeated against his bunk “Really bad idea” he says.
“You may never see him again”
“Do you even care that you’ve broken his heart?”
Frank snaps then, jumping up from his bed and thrusting his hands into his hair “Yes, Bob I fucking care, I care a whole lot this isn’t easy but it doesn’t have to be this difficult! I’m going, we’re not getting back together and my shoes don’t fit in my fucking case”
I'll take my twist with a shout, a coffee shop with a cause. Man, I'll freak you out. No sex, no drugs, no like no love when it comes to today
Frank doesn’t mean to, but he does end up meeting Gerard before he leaves. He’s sitting in the campus coffee shop sketching with his headphones in, Frank considers leaving before he notices him but he likes to think he’s not that much of a coward. So he slinks in and sits next to him, causing Gerard to look up.
At first Gerard looks happy to see him, his eyes light up like they always used to when Frank entered a room, but then he must remember because the corners of his lips fall negatively and he suddenly looks too young.
They met as freshmen and Frank was instantly in love, they skirted around the whole issue for a few months but eventually lust outweighed their timid qualities and they had dated on and off since. Frank never thought it would end, but now his band is leaving for tour and Gerard has to finish school.
“Hey” Frank says.
“Frankie” Gerard mumbles, pulling out his ear buds and smiling a little.
“I wanted to say bye”
Gerard nods and looks down, his hair falling across his face in silky strands. Frank feels his heart clench and he has to look away too.
Stay if you wanna love me, stay, oh, don't be shy; let's cause a scene like lovers do on silver screens. Let's make it, yeah we'll cause a scene
“You don’t have to go” Gerard’s voice is small and shaky “I graduate in two months, can’t you wait?”
Gerard is looking back up at Frank with big wide eyes and Frank has to sit on his hands so he wont just grab Gerard and kiss him until their lips are blue and they can’t breath. He takes a deep breath and answers, “You know I can’t”
“But why? Frankie, I love you, you love me don’t you?”
“That’s not the issue” Frank scrapes his lip ring into his mouth and tries to keep his voice calm, he doesn’t want this to end in tears he wants all his memories of Gerard to be perfect “you know I do”
“Then stay” Gerard begs, touching Frank’s thigh with his left hand.
Frank looks down to where they’re connected and feels hot tears press against the backs of his eyes. Gerard’s hand is covered in charcoal and his nails are short and stubby covered in peeling black polish and he’s so familiar that the sight makes Frank’s chest hurt.
“I know” Frank looks up then to hold Gerard’s eyes with his own “I’ll miss you, Frankie”
It's indie rock and roll for me, it's all I need. Making up, breaking up
What do you care? It's indie rock and roll for me
so generally people write fictions about Frank and G getting together but I’m kind of in a bad mood so that wasn’t going to happen. This was more of a, sometimes you have to loose the people you love to go after what you really need in life stories. I hope you enjoyed it, it’s a little shorter than most of my stuff but we deal we deal.