Gerard is still panicking over the earlier events in the bathroom... The Frerard you've all been waiting for.
P.s: If any of you were wondering, I'm Becky. So no I'm not going to make myself go out with Gerard, please stop worrying. I like Frerard and I'm not going to ruin it..... So please don't hate her?
Title from Paramore, it's one of the only songs of theirs I like... Plus it seemed fitting...
Chapter 16- Hallelujah
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. SHIT!
Frank saw my wrist! At least I think he did... No, he definitely saw it, why else would he have reacted that way? Oh god, what if he tells Mikey?! I'm well and truly fucked. They'll send me off to a mental hospital and put me in a straight jacket. My heart is pounding in my chest, trying to burst out from my ribcage. I've practically forgotten about my bleeding nose, but to be honest it's the least of my worries right now.
Unless I get to Frank before he tells Mikey. I could maybe give a reasonable explanation, or deny the whole thing. But would that work though? Of course it wouldn't, he's not stupid... But he's nice. Maybe if I ask him, he'll keep quiet about the whole thing and Mikey never has to know. But I couldn't ask him to lie to my brother, his FRIEND. Okay, I'm getting a little desperate here.
Fuck it, there's no way out of this one.
I have to get home before Mikey, that way I can stay in my room and avoid him. I'll leave now.
I make my way out of the main building and run across the school grounds towards the exit. As the gates enter my line of sight, I notice a large group of the jocks blocking my only exit. Fuck, Ronnie's there, there's no way I'm getting past them without a pounding. I'll just have to leave at lunch, and hopefully I'll see Frank before then. I don't have any lessons with him, but maybe I'll pass him in the hallway or something. I just NEED to speak to him. But for now, I might as well head for my next lesson. I pull out my timetable to see what that lesson is.... Ooh, Art. That might make me feel a little better.
I walk into my art room, heading straight for my seat at the back and not making eye contact with anyone. It's only when I sit down and rub my face in my hands with a sigh that I feel a presence. I freeze, waiting to hear anything else to indicate who it was. It can't be a jock, they would have punched me by now. A slight cough interrupts my thoughts and causes my head to snap up. Standing over me is a girl with black hair and a blue fringe.
"Hey." The girl says shyly, a slight smile playing on her small lips.
"Uh.... Hey... Not to be rude, but who are you?"
"Oh, I'm Becky. I just transferred here. I hope you don't mind me sitting here, there's nowhere else."
"I'm Gerard. Sure, you can sit here."
"Thanks so much. It's nice to meet you, Gerard."
After that we sit in silence, listening to the instructions for the lesson. Basically, we do whatever the hell we want, that's what's so great about Miss Francis she's extremely laid back and doesn't shout at you for being late or listening to your ipod. Which is why when she finishes I take out my ipod and put one headphone in and turn the volume up loud, pulling my sketchbook out and continuing a past drawing of a vampire that I never finished.
"Is that Black Flag?" I hear Becky say from the seat next to me.
"Uh.. Yeah, sorry I didn't think other people could hear it." I say, turning the volume down. "You like Black Flag?"
"That type of music needs to be played loud! Black Flag are like one of my favourite bands!" I give her a smile. Maybe I'll like this girl.
"They're awesome aren't they? Not many people seem to like them, so that sucks." I shrug.
"Well, I like them. So that means we have at least one thing in common.... You know, you're the only one who hasn't commented on my accent."
"Oh... Why would I? You're british, what's the big deal? No offence or anything." I hastily add the last sentence in fear of upsetting her. I needn't have worried, as she just smiles.
"Thank GOD! I've found someone normal! So what if I have an accent? You guys have different accents to me, but you don't see me spazzing over it! Although your accents are pretty awesome, just saying."
I laugh slightly. "Well, I'm glad you like my opinion, but believe me I'm far from normal. Have people spazzed over your accent already?" I can tell my face is confused, but that's just weird if they have.
"Yeah, this girl Alicia did, she tried to bear hug me for it, but no." She shudders.
"You don't like that?" She shakes her head.
"Close physical contact kinda repulses me a little, only certain people are allowed to hug me. Weird, right?"
"Actually, I feel the same. I have select people who I allow to touch me."
"That's another thing we have in common." Becky beams at me, she has a really nice smile.
"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe we should start drawing now because we've done fuck all." I say, suddenly realising that her page is in fact still blank and mine has hardly changed from where I started.
She looks down, obviously only just seeing the blankness of her page. "Yeah, you're probably right. Don't wanna get into trouble on my first day do I?" She picks up her pencil, bites her lip ring for a second before putting her pencil to the page. I turn away and do the same, returning to my drawing.
After fifteen minutes of working in almost silence, I hear Becky singing a familiar tune "... Is that Someone, Somewhere? By AA?"
"Yuh huh, you like? Ben Bruce... Well the only thing I can say is 'Get in my bed'. You know? Or is that just me?"
"No, he's extremely hot." I blurt without thinking. Oh, shit! "I didn't mean to say that!" She just looks at me, puzzled.
"Didn't mean to say what? How can you say he's not hot?"
"Wait... You don't think it's weird? You're not gonna call me a fag and shout about it?" Becky looks almost disgusted.
"Oh, dear Lucifer no! If there's one thing I cannot stand, it's homophobes! They just make me wanna.... Ooh, violent thoughts." This girl just keeps getting better and better.
"You're really cool, do you know that?" I say quietly but sincerely.
"I have been told, yes." I chuckle slightly at her cockiness.
She flashes me a quick grin before turning back to her drawing. "Do you like Motionless In White?"
"Yeah, they're so good. They're good to listen to if you're feeling angry, you know?" I don't know what it is about this girl, but I seem to be very comfortable talking around her.
"I totally get what you mean, actually. You seen their new video for Creatures?" I shake my head.
"No, is it any good?"
"It's bloody brilliant! Trippiest shit I've ever seen, so good!" The fuck is that?
"You know, like weird, creepy... that sort of stuff. You need to watch it. If you don't, I'll come to your house and make you watch it. Kay?" She's so weird.
"Umm... okay. Yes, I'll watch it tonight, okay?"
She narrows her eyes playfully and points her finger at me. "You'd better, prettyboy. I wouldn't wanna have to mess up that amazing hair of yours." She laughs and I release a small chuckle.
I can tell I'm going to like this girl.
After suffering through the pain that is school lessons, I'm walking home with Mikey, Becky and Alicia. We're all going to Mikey's house, it's becoming sort of a thing we do it almost everyday. Of course this is the first time Becky has been here. Instead of feeling happy that school's over, I'm in a rage about my Math teacher.
"Oh my god, he's a dick!" I shout, explaining the situation to my two friends.
"So, what exactly did he do?" Mikey asks.
"Wait- who are you even talking about?" Becky cuts in, obviously not paying attention.
"Mr fucking James, that's who. He's a complete dick!"
"Ooh, I know. I have him too." Alicia says, frowning and patting my back sympathetically.
"Yeah, well he says that if I don't start paying more attention in class, he's going to make me stay behind for an hour after school for two weeks. Who the fuck does he think he is? With his fucking boss eyes and arrogance. Even my mom doesn't like him, she says he seems like an ass."
Mikey and Becky start to laugh at this. "It's not funny you guys" I scold them, but end up laughing along too.
"I'm sorry, it's just you're getting really worked up about it and you're funny when you're angry." Mikey stands up straight, recovering from his laughing fit. By this time, we're at the end of the path leading up to the Way household.
"You're an asshole." I pout before storming down the path and through the front door. I make my way to the kitchen, not waiting for Mikey or the others to follow. When I hear the front door shut, I shout into the hallway. "Do you guys want coffee?!" Becky comes rushing round the corner.
"Fuck yes. I could do with one after today."
Alicia and Mikey walk through the door hand in hand. "Yes please, but you're making them." I flip him off before turning the coffee maker on, getting the mugs down from the cupboard. Well, trying to get the mugs down from the cupboard. I'm too short. Blushing, I turn around to see if Mikey noticed, because he would really take the piss. Luckily, he is talking with Alicia on the other side of the room so I turn to Becky. "Uhh, little help?"
She laughs slightly, before reaching over my head and handing me the mugs. "Don't worry, Frankie. Big old Becky's here to save you." She says ruffling my hair.
At that moment, the basement door opens and out walks a very exhausted looking Gerard. He's wearing a black jacket over a tight red t-shirt, which clings to his jutting bones and black skinnies that are hanging off his small hips. He just looks so fucking skinny. His hair is a mess, sticking up in different directions as though he's been running his hands through it too much. He shuffles his way across the hall towards the kitchen, not yet realising that we're all in here. He stops at the entrance of the kitchen and gives a massive yawn and rubs his eyes. When he opens them again, he jumps slightly at the sight of the four of us, just standing and watching him silently.
"..... Hello." He says, confused. "What? Why are you all staring at- Becky?" His eyes widen when they rest upon the girl beside me.
"Gerard? What are you doing here?" Becky smiles, pleasantly surprised at the arrival of the raven haired boy.
"I, uh... I live here. I heard someone mention coffee?" He blushes before walking over to where we're standing, putting his coffee mug on the side. He yawns again before stumbling over to the table in the middle of the room, hoisting himself up onto the tabletop.
Mikey looks between Gerard and Becky, not saying a word. Just looking back and forth repeatedly. It's kind of weird actually, he looks as though he's thinking at a hundred miles an hour. "Mikey, what's up with you? You look like you're about to bust a vein!" He just continues staring, mouth open.
"You know each other? Gerard spoke to you?"
Becky just laughs as though Mikey's gone crazy. "Yeah, of course he did, we have art class together. I didn't know you two were brothers, that's so cool!"
"He actually... Actually willingly spoke to another human being?"
Her face loses all traces of humour, and she starts to look almost impatient. "Yes. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? You guys talked to me didn't you?"
"Yeah, but Gerard doesn't talk to people. It was hard enough getting him to talk to Frank." I can see Gerard getting pissed off and jump down off the table, so I raise my hands defensively.
"Whoa, dude don't bring me into this." I hand Gerard his coffee, which he accepts with a grateful smile. Mikey continues while I hand out the rest of the mugs.
"Oh, whatever. But it's true though, he doesn't talk to anyone yet he talked to you."
"Mikey, stop talking about me as if I'm not fucking in the room. I can hear everything you're saying." Gerard says angrily. Mikey seems oblivious to Gerard's rising temper, and he carries on.
"Yeah, I know. But what I'm saying is true. I mean, I've been going out with Alicia for almost a year now, and have you ever spoken to her? No, I didn't think so." Mikey's voice is a little annoyed, and if I'm honest I think he's being quite mean.
"To be fair, you didn't actually tell any of us that you had a brother until the other week. And anyway, if Gerard doesn't want to talk to people he doesn't have to..." Alicia states, defending Gerard.
Something Alicia said appears to have hurt Gerard. Quite badly, by the look on his face. He shakes his hair in front of his eyes and takes a long gulp of coffee, trying to prolong the time before he shows his face again. "You... You didn't tell your friends that you have a brother?" He sniffs, looking up at Mikey with large, round eyes.
The bespeckled boy rubs the back of his neck guiltily, turning slightly pink in the cheeks. "No... No, I didn't." He says in a quiet voice, sounding ashamed.
"Michael... Are you ashamed of me?"
"No! No, it's not that Gee, it's just... It's just..." He looks frantically around the room, his eyes resting of everything but Gerard, who is getting close to tears.
"You know what? Save it, I don't want to hear your bullshit lies." He pushes away from the tabletop, standing up straight. "Fuck you, Michael." He begins to walk away, but then he turns his head towards me, stopping in his tracks. I hold his gaze for what seems like hours, before he walks out of the room.
There's an awkward silence hanging in the atmosphere, both Becky and Alicia shuffling awkwardly from side to side, staring into their mugs of coffee.
Mikey just looks baffled, unsure of what to do now. Unable to stand the tension for much longer, I herd them all into the lounge. "So, who's up for a movie?" This seems to make them relax a little because they begin arguing over which film to watch, completely forgetting what just happened in the kitchen. I, however, can't get it out of my head. I hated seeing Gerard so upset, so hurt. It broke my heart. To see him looking so betrayed made me almost angry at Mikey, at what he did.
I try and put it to the back of my mind as I sit down to watch the movie they've picked- Tropic Thunder- An absolute classically funny film! The film succeeds in keeping my mind distracted for about half an hour but of course, nothing lasts forever. Eventually, I start thinking about Gerard again. He's been awfully quiet... I might go and check on him.
I get up as quietly as I can, trying to escape unnoticed. I'm successful, so I tiptoe down the hall to Gerard's room. I give a small knock. "Gerard!" I whisper hoping he'll hear me.
I don't get a response.
"Gerard!" I repeat, a little louder this time. Still no answer. I turn the door handle experimentally, checking to see if it's unlocked. When I hear the click of door releasing, I push it open and lock it behind me before descending into the basement.
When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I'm greeted by an empty room. Weird, I don't remember hearing him leave. I'm just about to turn and walk back up the stairs when I hear a muffled sob from the bathroom. Oh god, not again... I step up to the door and place my ear against the cold wood. The sobs are louder now, and they're accompanied by occasional whimpers and hisses of... pain? I may regret this, but I wrap my fingers around the door handle and pull it down. Preparing myself for what I might see, I leave it a few seconds before pushing the door open.
Inside the bathroom, I see Gerard kneeling by the toilet. It's obvious that he's just been sick, the smell of the room tells me that. I didn't think it was possible, but he looks even more exhausted than before. His eyes now carry dark purple bags underneath them, his skin has gotten even paler and his hair is matted and damp with sweat. I sigh and ruffle my fringe with my hand, looking at the floor, only to freeze when I see spots of red covering the cream tiles. That's when I finally notice the absence of his jacket. So much blood. It's making me feel quite sick actually, but I'm more focused on the fact that there are LOADS of the red lines. Some longer, some shorter, some deeper than others, some older and pink, some healed, some still oozing blood. Not a single part of either forearm is unmarked.
"G-Gerard...." I somehow manage to choke out, getting over my shock.
His head whips round, eyes wide with terror. When he sees me standing there, he just sits there as if unsure of what to do. After 10 painfully silent seconds, he jumps to his feet and towards me, pushing me out of the bathroom and shutting the door in my face.
Okay.... What the fuck just happened? I can't get my head around it, I know it's not that hard but I can't. My eyes must have been playing some sort of trick on me, there's no way anyone could do that to themselves that many times. No way....
I decide not to leave and just wait for him to come out of the bathroom, so I sit on the floor by his bed with my legs crossed. My mind is racing and I'm finding it hard to keep still right now, so I keep jigging my leg or twiddling my thumbs or some shit like that. It's after 10 minutes that I finally hear the flush of the toilet and the lock slide open.
Gerard pokes his head around the door to see if I'm still there. When he sees me, he releases a huge sigh and steps out completely, jacket back in place. He avoids eye contact and runs his hands through his hair repeatedly.
"Gee...." I sigh, getting up off the floor.
"Frank, before you say anything I just wanna say something. You don't understand what I've been through, so don't judge me. Just... Just don't hate me because of this, okay?" He sounds as though he's been crying, his voice is husky sounding..... It's inappropriate at this moment in time, I know, but his voice makes me want to melt. God, I want him so badly. Wait- I need to respond, he's waiting.
"Gerard, I don't hate you. Why would I hate you for this? I've already told you how brave I think you are. This doesn't change anything, okay?"
"So you aren't going to tell Mikey?" He's so quiet, I can barely hear him.
"Um.... Yeah, about that... I won't if you don't want me too...."
"But...?" He raises an eyebrow, knowing that I have something else to add.
"I do think you should tell him though." I bite my lip, waiting for him to get annoyed. Instead of doing so, he just sighs yet again.
"I know.... I just know he'll try and stop me." His answer is whispered, almost fearful.
"Well, maybe that's for the best? You can't keep doing this to yourself Gerard, it isn't good for you." I make my voice sound as calm as possible so it doesn't seem as though I'm telling him what to do.
"What, you think I don't know that?! I do know, but this is the only thing that keeps me from going insane, Frank! If I don't have this then I don't know what I'd do!" I walk over to him and pull him towards the bed. We both sit down and I wrap my arms around him, rubbing the back of his head.
"Gerard, you should talk to someone. Get therapy maybe?" This may be the wrong thing to say, but it's true.
"What, so they can lock me up in the loony bin? I don't think so." He says bitterly.
"Well why don't you talk to me? I'm always here for you, whenever you need me. Give me your phone." He reaches over to the bedside table and passes me his phone. I punch in my number and save it. "There. Now you can text me whenever you need to talk." He looks at me with watery eyes.
"Frank, why are you so nice? I don't deserve all of this."
"Gerard, you deserve this and so much more. You're perfect. So amazing, I admire you so much." He blushes.
"Stop it, I've done nothing for you to admire...... Frank, I really do appreciate this. Everything you've done. Thank you for saving my life, thank you for defending me at school, thanks for just being there for me. You've been such a good friend." Ah... Friend.... I want to be so much more than his friend.
"It's all I could do just to see that beautiful smile of yours." He blushes even more.
"I just... I don't know how... To cope..." He says the words hesitantly, as if thinking them over.
"Well, as I said, I'm just a phone call or text away." I hug him again, cherishing this moment because I know I'll never have the relationship I want with him. But I'm fine with that. All I want is for him to be happy.
Gerard pulls out of the hug and rests his forehead on mine. "Frankie, I honestly don't know how to thank you." I push his chin up so we're looking into eachothers eyes.
"Just smile for me, that's all the thanks I need." He grins widely, showcasing his adorable little teeth. Our faces are just centimetres apart, I can feel his breath tickle my nose. The temptation is just too much. I slowly lean forward, giving him the chance to back away if he doesn't want this. He doesn't move so I lean even closer, connecting our lips.
Words cannot explain how I feel at the moment. His lips are so soft and warm against mine. Just a simple kiss, nothing more, nothing less. I'm finally explaining how I feel about him.
We break apart slightly, our faces still close together. He smiles at me. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself." I hope he doesn't get freaked out now. "Please don't hate me, I just-" I'm silenced by Gerard grabbing my face and reconnecting our lips.
Surprised by his boldness, I hold still for a moment. I soon come to my senses and I begin to move my lips slowly against his. I move them carefully, being as gentle as possible, as if Gerard was the most fragile thing on the planet. I can taste him in my mouth, it's the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. He tastes like coffee and mint. It's as if the whole afternoon had never happened, it's just here and now. Just us, together. Our lips carry on moving in perfect sync against each other, and I reach my hands up into Gerard's hair, combing my fingers through it. The kiss is filled with such honesty, such genuine passion, and I never want it to end.
Unfortunately, Gerard pulls away, causing me to whimper a little. He leans his head against mine once again, the both of us breathing deeply. "Okay... Maybe that was a better thank you." I whisper. Gerard chuckles lightly, and I feel his warm breath on my face. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
"I'm glad you liked it." Gerard responds shyly, cheeks tinged red.
"Gerard, have some confidence. That kiss was amazing, yet more proof of how perfect you are." He smiles up at me. I lay back on Gerard's bed, resting my head on the pillow. He does the same, only he leans against me.
"Frankie, what does this mean?" I look down at the raven haired beauty.
"What does what mean?"
"You know, the kiss. What does that mean for us?"
"Well, I don't know about you, but I can't get you out of my mind. You're all I think about, I'm crazy about you." I don't look at him in fear of him laughing. He props himself up on his elbows and looks down at me.
"I, er... I feel the same." He mumbles, hiding behind his hair.
"So.... Do you want to maybe... Go out with me?" I ask. Please let him say yes....
His eyes widen in shock, but he smiles. "I'd like that."
And with a smile, I lift my head up to his and connect our lips with a sigh of happiness.
And they get married, fuck each other and have lots of mini Gee's and Fronkeh's! The end.
... Okay, maybe that's not the end... How was it though? Did I satisfy your needs, or disappoint majorly? Please rate and review, to let me know how to improve... You'll get Sam McTrusty (Twin Atlantic) :)
Love you all,