"Ryan! Ryan Ryan Ryan guess what?". I opened my eyes slowly to be met with Spencers sparkling blue ones, inches from my face.
"What?" I asked, still on the brink of sleep.
"Pete got us a show! We're supporting them, we're supporting Fall Out Boy!" he exclaimed. I sat upright, almost falling off the edge of my bed as I did so.
"Wha?" I said, sounding as tired as I felt.
"Isn't this exciting? And guess what else? He wants us to record! I played him our demos and he loved them, so he wants us to make an album". I gawped. How had all of this happened whilst I was sleeping? We'd only been on the label for a month. Surely things didn't move that fast? I was expecting months, years even of hard work. A month in and we were supporting Fall Out Boy and recording an album.
"Oh my god, Spence, this is amazing!" I exclaimed, jumping out of my bed and pulling on some clothes that for whatever reason had been left on the floor. I was disappointed with my lack of cleanliness, but I didnt have long to dwell on it as we had work to do.
"When is it, when is the show?" I asked, already nervous.
"Uhm. That's the thing, it's tonight. Their support act pulled out, so we're there"
"What?! We haven't prepared, I haven't, I can't, Spence..." I was bordering on hysterical. As much as the band was my dream, I had issues with stage fright. When Spencer and I were in a college band I always had to mentally prepare myself for weeks before a show.
"Ryan, Ryan, dude. Calm down. It'll be fine, dont worry" Spencer rested a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head, grabbing my hat and running out through the doorway.
"We need to rehearse. Now. Is Brendon awake? Brendon?" I was moving around the house frantically. Brendon poked his head out of his room, looking confused.
"Spencer, care to tell me why Ryan is flapping about like a headless chicken?"
"Because, Brendon, we have a show in..soon. Tonight. That is why" I said, rooting through the sitting room cabinet to find my lucky guitar pick.
"I know" He replied, sounding too calm.
"You know? Well we need to rehearse, we need to- fuck, has anyone seen my lucky guitar pick?" I was pulling out the contents of the draw angrily.
"Dude, calm down. It's at my house, remember?" Spencer walked over, taking the various items from my hands and placing them carefully in the drawer.
"Oh fucking brilliant, I'm never going to find it" I huffed, speeding into the music room. Spencer sighed, following behind me and Brendon disappeared from sight. I picked up my guitar then put it down and sat at my piano, before giving up and collapsing into a defeated heap on the floor.
"Ry?" Spencer asked quietly.
"I can't fucking do it Spence" I whispered, and he rolled his eyes before wrapping me in a hug.
"Yes you can. You're Ryan Ross and you're awesome" he said, although it was slightly muffled by my hat.
"Hey, when did your hugs start being a free for all?" I heard Jon ask from the doorway, and Spencer chuckled lightly.
"Nice of you to join us" he said, and gave Jon a quick hug. "Happy?"
"A little. What's up Ross?" Jon stepped into the music room, and raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"He's freaking out about the show" Spencer said, matter-of-factly.
"Don't worry about it" Jon said. Brendon came through into the music room then, wearing nothing but jeans and socks.
"Hey Ryan, don't suppose you've seen my plain White T-shirt? I can't seem to find it anywhere" And I couldn't even focus on him, because of the fact I had suddenly noticed Brendons rather impressive biceps. Wait, what? I shook my head, which Brendon obviously took to be a no and left. I sighed to myself. since when did I notice biceps and regard them as impressive? Well, I reasoned, it's perfectly fine to regard a fellow mans biceps as impressive. I needed a girlfriend, before I drove myself mad. I stood up and walked over to Spencer.
"I'm not going to freak out. I'll be fine" I said, though I wasn't sure whether I was trying to convince Spencer or Myself.
"Oh my god Spencer help I'm freaking out so bad". It was an hour before the show and I was freaking out so bad. I was talking to Spencer over the phone, since he and Jon had just left to get a coffee at the nearby store.
"Ry, I've only just left you. Calm down" he said, chuckling. "Oh, we're here. I'm gonna have to go 'cause I need to order. Calm, remember?"
"Mmkay" I mumbled, closing my cell and sighing. I slid down the wall and groaned as I hit the floor. What if I messed up? What if I fell off the stage? What if made one of the others mess up?
"Fuck" I drew out the word, hitting my head against the wall.
"Dude, calm down" Brendon was applying eyeliner in the mirror, and he walked over.
"I can't. What if I mess up?" I said, sighing.
"Jeez, you're in a band Ryan. You can't freak out like this at every show" he said, and I stood up from the floor.
"I'm aware that I'm in a band, and I have stage fright issues okay? Hence the reason I don't do the singing"
"Look, we're all nervous okay? Just try not to fall on your face will you?"
"I'm not promising anything"
"Well, dont mess it up for us". I don't know how he meant for that to sound, but it sure sounded the opposite f friendly.
"You're a fucking asshole, you know that?"
"I'm just saying, don't mess it up for the rest of us"
"Fuck you Brendon, fuck you"
"What, you expect my sympathy? You can't be a fucking jerk and have high expectations of me"
"I'm not asking for your fucking sympathy. You started the conversation, not me"
"You were the one flapping out and making everyone else even more nervous, I had to say something. Besides, I tried to be nice"
"Oh, you tried. Do you want a fucking medal?"
"I'm fucking helping you out here remember. You're the one who refused to sing, therefore meaning Spencer had to go out looking for another singer. We wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for me offering to help you out"
"We were all looking for a new singer, including me. Don't make it sound as though it was a hardship for Spencer because he told me it didn't bother him that I wouldn't sing. And talk about blowing your own fucking trumpet"
"Yeah, he told you that. Ever thought maybe he's sparing your feelings, since you have the emotional range of a teenage girl?" . I was completely riled. How dare he suggest Spencer was lying to me. Spencer has been my best friend since we were really young, he would never lie to me
"Spencer and I have been best friends for as long as I can even recall" I was yelling now. "You have no fucking right to make your own assumptions on how our thought processes towards each other work, you fucking self-centred asshole"
"I'm the self centred one? Ha, hilarious. You're the one who acts like some stuck up rich kid, it's a wonder Spencer puts up with you" . We were both yelling, fists shaking.
"Did I not make it clear that you have no right to interfere with the way mine and Spencers friendship works? Fuck you" We were both seething.
"Fucking Jerk". He came towards me so fast, and I was certain he was going to punch me. I was a pretty skinny guy, but I could fend him off. I hoped. He grabbed me by my shoulders, shoved me into the wall and crashed his lips to mine. I was a mix of emotions, and I did the first thing that came into my head. I kissed back. It was a kiss filled with anger and want. He still had a vice grip on my shoulders, and was forcing me back into the wall. I pushed at him and slammed him into the opposite wall, mouths still connected, and he responded by shoving me backwards again. We crashed into the small wooden table and landed in a heap on the floor. When our lips had detached my brain appeared to start working and I realised what I had done. I kissed a guy. Not just any guy, the guy who lived with me.