A very simple one-shot - when Mikey has a reoccurring nightmare, whose there to comfort him?
"WAIT! NO! Please don't go!" I stretch my hands out desperately, trying to grab hold of her arm, but she slips further away, eye's full of sorrow
"I'm sorry, but I love another," her voice is a mere whisper, as my eye sight is blinded by the thick flow of tears, cascading down my cheeks. I scream and cry, reaching out to her
"NO! I love you, I'm sorry!" but she fades away, arms of someone else around her waist as she disappears, fading away, a loud ringing flooding my ears, as I scream, desperate to run after her, but I can't rooted to the spot
"PEASE!" but my voice is slowly disappearing, darkness englufing my feet, holding me back and starting to swallow me up
"PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! Please!" a rush of adrenline courses through my body as blackness engulfs my vision, the ringing becoming louder and louder, until I see and hear nothing
Croaking out a cry, my heart misses a beat; eyes snapping open, panic and fear coursing through my veins as I sit bolt up right CRACK
"Fuck," I clutch the top of my head, glancing around in the darkness, the small confines of my bunk, a dull ache beinging to spread out through my skull. I can feel my heart race beginning to slow, and my cheeks burn slightly in embarrassment, but also in fear. I can feel the tears drying on my cheeks as I listen and steady my breathing. God I hate nightmares, this is the third, possibly forth time this week and I hate it - waking up in the middle of the night, crying. It's stupid, but it scares me shitless to say the least. Every night, it's the same, and each time it seems far more real. Jesus, even gee can tell something's up but doesn't dare to question it; I see it, every morning I get up in search of coffee, the look in his eyes, the look of worry and concern; but I daren't tell him what it is. He'd see it as silly, me having nightmares at my age, probably laugh at me too.
"God, why me," I whisper into the darkness, only to be met with the sound of snoring and the lesser sound of a thud as someone moves around in their bunk, probably Frank. God, doesn't that midget ever sit still? I giggle to myself a little, followed by a small wash of sadness and fear. Fuck. My. Life! I suppose, I'd better try and go back to sleep, back where that nightmare is still lingering . . . . hmm . . . or I suppose I could get up and have a hunt around the bus, see if I can find where Ray hid the coffee, and clear my head. Coffee sounds like a good idea. Kicking off my covers, I pull back my curtain gently and roll out, landing on the bunk room floor with a soft thud. Listening, I hear that everyone else is still fast asleep. I clamber up to my feet, picking up a discarded hoodie and pull it over my head and blinding walk to the bunk room door, pushing it open, and almost toppling over my own feet. Closing the door gently, I turn on the spot, to see a small soft glow coming from the couch. Tip-toeing over, I see the very familiar mop of black hair; Gerard has crashed out, stretched out across the small couch, his trusty sketch pad precariously balanced between his hands, pens and pencils scattered across the couch and floor. Typical old Gee - fallen asleep while drawing. Not the first time. Turning quietly, I head towards the kitchenette. Ray must have hidden the coffee somewhere near by. Sighing slightly, I start pulling open every cupboard and search as quietly as possible; I don't want to wake Gerard up and have him in a bad mood with me, not to mention it would wake everyone else up. That I could do without with.
In the little light there is, I start searching behind objects and packets of food in the cupboards, shifting tins about. damn where did puff-head hide it? All I want is one simple cup of coffee to calm my nerves; my nerves, which are starting to get the better of me. That nightmare just seemed so real. I stand up and start to search in the higher cupboards, starting to grow more frustrated. She wouldn't really leave me, would she? The cupboard door closed louder than I had intendt. I glance over to where Gerard is sleeping and see him shift a little on the sofa, sketch pad falling to the floor. Sighing I turn to face another cupboard. I suppose she could, if she felt lonely, neglected maybe. Fuck; there it is again - guilt. Swallowing down the lump starting to form in my throat I continue my search. She'd tell m, if she wasn't happy, I'm sure she would. She's not the kind of girl to go behind my back . . . I hope. What if she does find someone though. Someone better. She could quite easily be with someone else right now, while I'm out here, miles away from her on tour. Fuck, stop it Mikey. Tears are start to blur my vision again as I shift something around in the cupboard. But what if she has? What if that isn't a nightmare? My god; my heart leaps a little at the thought, my vision finally blurred by tears that I don't see the tin right by the edge as I withdraw my hand and knock it flying. BANG Shit, shit shit shit SHIT! Rooted to the spot, a tear leaks down my face
"Mikes?" Great; I woke Gerard up, now he's gonna get mad. I bend down quickly and scoop up the can that's fallen and put it back
"Mikey? What are you doing up?" Gerard's voice is thick with sleep. I hear him moving, and the sound of things being picked up and placed down on the small coffee table
"I uh . . ." I swipe my hand quickly across my face to get rid of the tears that are building up
"I couldn't sleep."
"Right," Gerard said, yawning. Turning around, I came face to face with my brother, his eyes still heavy looking
"Mikes? Are you ok?" I look away, feeling the tears threatening to blur my vision again, my thoughts still rushing around my head
"Come here." I look back round to see Gerard shift on the couch, making room. Reluctently, I start to walk over. I don't really want to talk to Gerard about it; now I just want to go back to bed, and wish I had never got up to find the coffee. Sitting down, leaving a gap between me and him, I look down, focusing my eyes on a spot on the carpet
"Mikey? Come on, you know you can talk to me." His reassuring tone his soft and gentle and tears are close to spilling over. God I feel so stupid right now. He places a warm hand on my shoulder
"What's wrong?" I glance up at him, seeing his hazel eyes, reflecting concern, worry and to my surprise affection
"It's nothing," I mutter looking away again. Gerard sighs, pulling me closer to him
"Come on Mikey, I've known you since you were born, I grew up with you, I know when something is bothering you." I look back up at him, about to open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off
"I know what you're thinking; that because we're older and no longer kids, we can't stay up and tlak about our problems, but we can! Mikey, I'm your older brother, and I know I fucked up at one point, but you were still there for me." I can't help the few tears that escape. He's always been there for me, when I was little, in the middle of the night, if I got scared or was upset, he was there; would sit andread comic books to me or even sing a little. make up stories to make me laugh. And I was there for him through school, I always was. And there for him when he fell down into the depths of depression, drugs and alcohol. And now, here I am, and I can't hold back the tears anymore, as they flow freely. I feel him move his hand and instead wrap his arm around my shoulder
"What's wrong?" he whispers, his other hand resting on my hand
"You'll think it's stupid," I stuttered out, not daring to look up and make eye contact
"No, I won't, come on Mikey, tell me." I can see small little flash backs from my nightmare playing in my head; her face, her eyes, the words she speaks; watching her fade away. I cry harderas Gerard starts to rock me a little, shushing me
"I-I h-h-had a nightm-mare," I whisper and wait for Gerard; wait for his repsonse; his responses to tell me to grow a set and to go back to bed; to stop being a baby
"What about?" I glance up at him, to see curiosity in his features, as he raises his hand to wipe away some of my tears
"Well, I don't remember all of it, but it was to do with me and Alicia." I look back at him again as he nods his head at me
"Well, I remember, being stood with her, I remember my heart dropping as she said she was sorry. I remember asking her what for. She just said she was sorry, but she had fallen in love with another; someone better; someone who was there for her all the time; someone who gave her what she wanted. She started to fade away, someone elses arms wrapped around her as she disappeared. I kept calling to her, feeling everything around me just break and shatter, felt darkness creeping up on me as she left." I sobbed more as I finished talking, only for Gerard to pull me into his lap and cuddle me tightly; his fingers running gently through my hair, his other hand, rubbing circles on my back. I cried and cried, until my eyes were sore; Gee speaking calming words as I cried
"Is that what's been upsetting you the past couple of days?" Gerard asked. I nodded against his chest as I shifted my arms so i could cuddle him better
"Oh Mikey." My sobs soon turned into sniffling; I've no idea how long we were like that for, but it felt like an eternity
"I miss her so much Gee."
"I know Mikey, I know," Gerard's voice was calming. As well as his breathing and his rhytmic heartbeat
"You know Mikey, nightmares, they're only our fears, they're not real." I nodded my head
"I know they are, but I can't help but think it; if she does find someone else, I don't know what I'd do Gee," I spoke as another fit of sobs hit me
"Well you'd have me, you always would, but Mikey, you trust her, don't you?"
"Of course I do," I sniffled
"And she trusts you. You trust her, if she goes away touring or being a techie or whatever." I only sighed and cuddled into his chest more
"Look, why don't you call her?" Gerard suggested
"In the middle of the night?" I pulled back staring at Gerard
"Why not? You clearly miss her, and you know, if I could have my way, I'd let you go see her, you know that, don't you?" I nodded my head as I pulled myself away from Gerard, to go look for my cellphone
"You know, I always fear that I'm going to loose you sometimes Mikey." I turned to face Gerard again, holding my cellphone
"You're my brother, and I don't know what I'd do without you." Gerard's eyes shone slightly in the light soming from the crappy desklamp
"You'd always have Lynz and the others. But I'm not going anywhere," I spoke, searching through my contacts as I sit back down next to Gerard
"I know I do and I know you're not, but it wouldn't be the same, if you get what I mean, we have a strong bond and I'd probably go crazy if that bond broke." I looked at him, raising an eyebrow at hom as I help my cell to my hear, hearing the familiar rining tone
"Ok, crazier, but you get what I mean," Gerard said smirking and I couldn't help but smile a little, as gerard stretched a hand forward and wiped the last of the tears away
"Hello?" Alicia's voice was raspy as she spoke, but I still smiled
"Hey Alicia," I spoke softly into the reciever. Gerard shifted and got up and went into the kitchenette
"Mikey? What's wrong babe?" Alicie sounded more alert
"Nothing," I cringed slightly, knowing I was lying
"You sure? You sound upset?" I heard her shuffling around
"Just missing you." I bite my lip and try not to cry again
"Aww babe. I miss you too. And so does the rest of the crew, Piglet, Puddles, Bunny and Snowball are sleeping on your side of the bed, it's kind of cute really." I chuckle at the thought
"You'll have to give them all a cuddle from me." Alicia laughs a little, before she stiffles a yawn
"I'm sorry I woke you up," I said feeling guilty
"No, it's fine, honestly babe." I smile and here Gerard shuffling around in the kitchenette
"I love you," I whisper
"I love you too babe," and I can hear Alicia smile as she says that. I smile to myself
"I can't wait until your home."
"Me neither." I hear her stiffle another yawn
"I should let you go, let you sleep."
"Are you sure? I don't mind, honestly. If it had been anyone else, I'd have told them to do one, but because it's you, I don't mind." I smile and feel tears well up again, but this time, tears of happiness
"I'm sure, I just needed to hear your voice, and to say that I realy do love you Alicia."
"And I love you too Mikey and you really had better get your butt back home soon!" I chuckled as I see Gerard reappear carrying to mugs in his hand
"I will, don't you worry. Goodnight Alicia, I love you."
"I love you too babe, goodnight." And with that I pull my cell away and end the call
"Feel better?" Gerard asked quietly sitting down next to me, offering me a mug
"Where hell did you find the coffee?" I looked at Gerard putting my cell down on the coffee table
"Toro needs to learn that even though I'm drawing, I still know where he hides things," Gerard laughs, taking a sip. I smile and breathe in the scent of the coffee, before cuddling up closer to his side
"Thank you," I whisper as he wraps an arm around my shoulders
"Hey, like I said, always going to be here for you, and if you do have a nightmare or something bothering you, just tell me." Gerard smiles brightly and I smile back at him
"Thanks." I sip the rest of my coffee, before setting my mug down on the coffee table, and Gerard does the same
"What were you drawing?" Gerard's eyes snap back to his sketch pad
"Just some possible new characters, not sure yet." I couldn't help but yawn and cuddle up further into Gerard
"Come on, I think it's time we went to bed," Gerard said tugging me to my feet. I stumbled forward slightly as Gerard then pulled me into a tight hug. I smiled
"You really are the best brother in the world Gee."
"So are you, Mikey. So are you." I pulled away and switched of the small desklamp and then followed Gerard closely back towards the bunk room. Soft snores filled the room as I climbed back into my bunk and lay there for a second, just staring at the ceiling. Nightmares are horrible, but Gerard's right, it's our fears. I smiled slightly remembering the small conversation I'd had with Alicia, my nerves calm and settled from that. Pulling my covers back up and over me, I reach for my small curtain
"Goodnight Gerard," I whispered
"Goodnight Mikey. Love you." I smiled as I start to draw my curtain
"Love you too Gerard." drawing my curtain completely and hearing Gerard draw his, I let out one last sigh, before closing my eyes and drifting off into nightmare free sleep.
Ok, so I know this wasn't brilliant, it's my first bit of writing for a couple of months and will probably be last bit for another couple of months,, but hey