I still wasn’t sure whether the coffee with Lindsey was a date or just a casual meet up. Was I supposed to dress casually or more formally?
I decided to go for casual. It was just coffee, for God’s sake, not a fucking banquet.
I’d made the right decision. When I arrived at Starbucks Lindsey was definitely dressed very casually. She waved at me from across the room. I made my way over to her table and sat across from her. She smiled, and couldn’t seem to stop. Of course, that made me smile too.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said, looking down at her lap and fiddling with the tail of her scarf. “I’m just happy to see you.”
“Oh,” I grinned at her, “In that case, I’d better stick around.”
She laughed, and I went up to order our coffees. I came back with two steaming hot mugs. The cheap foam cups were burning my hands, but it felt good in such cold weather. I sat down and handed her her coffee. While we were drinking, we talked about everything. Literally, everything. She told me about how her parents divorced and she and her brother drifted apart; I told her about how I was into art and drawing comic books. At first I was hesitant to tell her about my life at school. But then it all came out – the bullying, the loneliness, the nights I spent crying myself to sleep. The way Mikey always stood by me. Lindsey was very quiet as I said all this, only moving when she sipped her coffee. I’d now told her everything I had in my brain. I even told her about the drugs and the drinking. I discovered how she had had similar issues.
We knew everything about each other, but at the same time we knew nothing.
When we finished our coffee we went for a walk along the beach. It was freezing and the wind whipped our hair about, but everything felt so perfect.
That was probably about the time when I realised I was completely in love with Lindsey.
We stood on the beach, dangerously close to the water’s edge. Lindsey looked up at me. Her eyes even change colour – at Starbucks they were aqua like usual. But now they were an icy blue. I wondered how such icy looking eyes could be so filled with warmth.
As it turns out, her lips were warm too. I felt like I did with Frank – the rush was there. That made me happy, at least. It was so beautiful there, just standing on the beach, kissing and holding each other’s faces in our hands. I wanted to stay like this forever. I knew who I wanted to be with, and it was Lindsey.
We came back to the motel after the beach. Let’s just say I didn’t wake up in my bed on my own that afternoon. When we came in to have lunch, Frank was sitting in the kitchen listening to radio coverage of a soccer game. Frank’s team was losing badly.
“Fuck!” yelled Frank, after hearing the winning team score another goal. He threw his empty coffee mug across the room. Lindsey and I ducked out of the way and the mug shattered against the wall.
“Careful, Frank,” I laughed, “You might break something.”
Frank grinned and went to make himself another coffee. Lindsey looked at me, clearly surprised that I hadn’t seemed shocked by what Frank did. I shrugged and whispered, “Not the first time he’s done that.”
Lindsey smirked and sat down at the table. “Make me a sandwich, would you Gerard?”
“Take about role reversal...” I mumbled.
Lindsey shot me a look. “What was that?”
“Don’t worry. Cheese or ham?” I asked.
“Ham, please. Thanks Gee.”
“Me too,” interjected Frank, sitting across from Lindsey, “I’m starving.”
I sighed and started making the sandwiches. While I was slicing the bread, something caught my eye. I focused on it so long that I accidentally cut into my finger. I yelped and put my finger in my mouth. Lindsey jumped up to help me. “God, Gerard, you ok? You want a band aid or something?”
“No, no, I’m fine...” I winced at the searing pain.
Lindsey gently took my hand and examined it. She frowned. “Looks bad to me. Let me get a band aid – I’ve got one in my handbag.”
Lindsey hurried into the hall to search for a band aid. Frank sat at the table, watching me. I rolled my eyes.
“Thanks for the help, Frank,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
He still didn’t say anything. It was like the time when I thought he was staring at me in bed. It was creepy. “Frank. Dude,” I laughed nervously, “Say something.”
Frank stood up and came over to me. He took my hand and looked at it, like Lindsey had done. I got another glimpse of his eyelashes. Frank, I thought, don’t do this. I love Lindsey.
Frank looked at me suddenly, and lifted my finger to his mouth. He started sucking on it, gently. What the fuck? I opened my mouth to protest but he put his finger to my mouth. He pressed it gently to my lips and I put my mouth around his finger, licking and sucking at it gently.
Okay, what the hell was going on? We were standing in our kitchen sucking on each other’s fingers.
But God, why did he have to be so hot?
Then Frank let go of my finger and smiled softly. He reached up and put his fingers in my hair. I was expecting the kiss this time. Frank pulled away after a couple of seconds though, because Lindsey came back, with her handbag and a band aid.
“Right, sit down Gerard,” she said, pulling out a chair.
I sat down, my eyes never leaving Frank.
Now I really wasn’t sure who I was in love with.