Gerard fights his inner demons and Frank's acting extremely hyper- again.
Title from Blink 182 because I love them at the moment...
Chapter 18- Up All Night
It's been two weeks since Frank and I started dating, and I think it's having a positive effect on me already. I've been eating more, although 'not enough!' as Mikey keeps telling me. Frank however, is patient with me and tells me I'm doing well. I haven't cut myself as much, the only exceptions when I was feeling particularly shit after getting beaten up... Yeah, Frank's little speech didn't affect the whole school apparently. Although, to be fair, Ronnie hasn't touched me at all and he's actually been quite civil to me. But even though I did cut, Frankie was quite understanding, even if he was a little annoyed. He just said that it'll get better in time and he will always be there for me. He just makes me feel so good, takes my mind off things that bother me and makes them disappear.
Becky has been great too, making me laugh at school when the bullies get me down. Yeah, she gets her fair share of crap from the other girls, but not as bad. Plus she has this way of ignoring it, brushing it off as if it means nothing to her. I honestly don't know how she does it. Instead of getting upset, she seems to care more about the crap I recieve. It's good, because whatever lessons I don't share with Frank, I share with Becky so I'm never alone. I like it, it makes school bearable enough for me to actually bother going.
The only downside to being with Frank and being friends with Becky is the fact that I now sit with a group of people at lunch. They dragged me over one lunchtime to sit with them, Mikey, Alicia, Ray and Bob. It's not that they're horrible or anything, it's just awkward for me to meet new people. Let alone two new people at the same time. But I made an effort anyway... Well, kind of. I said hi and gave what I thought was a smile, but that's about it. They were accepting of me though, and they didn't pressure me into conversation. I think Mikey may have said something to them about it, I don't know.
Right now though, I'm getting ready for school on Monday morning, wishing that I'd gotten more than an hours sleep last night. Seriously, I know everything else has improved, but I still can't sleep! Oh well, I guess I'm used to it by now.
I take a look in the mirror, judging my appearance silently. The feeling of disappointment washes over me, making me feel like shit once again. No. I can't think like that, I have to get better. Frank says I'm beautiful, that it's all in my head.... No... It's not in my head, I'm NOT crazy, I know my own body. Man, I hate when people lie to me.
I tear my gaze away from the mirror and lean against the wall. I can't start thinking that way again, I've been doing so well. My eyes flicker to the cabinet on the wall opposite me which holds the cold, smooth object I've been craving. I walk slowly over to it and open the doors, taking out the small rectangular piece of metal. With a deep breath, I turn it in my hands and debate whether I should do this....
"No!" I shout, throwing the razor blade to the floor and storming out of the bathroom. I pick up the first clothes I find, throw them on and run up the stairs before I do anything stupid. To my surprise, Mikey is already in the kitchen.
I look at my phone, which reads 6:47am. "Mikey? What are you doing up so early?" He looks up from his bowl of cereal, purple shadows under his eyes.
"... I don't know. I woke up and thought 'Fuck it' and came downstairs. God, I wish I hadn't. I only got like 8 hours sleep." I chuckle at my brother's zombie like state.
"You do realize 8 hours is the recommended sleeping time, right?" His jaw drops.
"What?! Are you fucking kidding me? That's ridiculous! It's not enough at all."
"Yeah, try functioning with an hours sleep, then start complaining. Hey, I'm making coffee, d'ya want some?" I get a small grunt in reply and all is silent for about a minute or so, before my words finally sink into Mikey's mind.
"You had 1 hours sleep?!?! How are you still alive?" I roll my eyes, while preparing the coffee.
"I suppose you get used to it. You should try it, you'd get loads more done." Mikey appears to have woken up properly and he's just staring at me, shocked.
"Do you honestly not sleep?"
"I just told you I did."
"You know what I mean, why don't you sleep for longer? It's not good to have that little sleep, even I know that." Oh god, he's taken on the role of Mother now.
"It's not as if I like it, is it? You think I like being constantly tired, unable to do anything? It fucking sucks, but I've learned to deal with it. It's probably why I'm so addicted to coffee." I smile, trying to lighten the mood.
"I never knew it was that bad, your insomnia. Maybe you should go see a doctor, get some pills or something?"
"No. No, doctors would do nothing. I'm fine with it, it's kind of the norm for me now." I wave a hand dismissively, wanting this conversation to end.
"Well, it's not good Gee."
"Yeah, well." I shrug, unable to think of a response.
The room is silent while Mikey finishes his cereal and I hand him his coffee, cradling my own to my chest. I see Mikey look up at me from the corner of my eye.
"I always knew you were a fucking vampire." I can hear the smirk in his voice, and turn my head to look at him.
"You're such a noob sometimes Mikey." I can't help but laugh at his comment though, it's just so typically Mikey.
He puts his bowl in the sink and makes his way over to the cupboard again. "You've just had breakfast Mikey, what are you doing?"
He shushes me, still rumaging through the cupboards and pulling out some bread and nutella. He takes two slices of the bread and puts them in the toaster, turning around and leaning on the side. He stares blankly at the floor, as if he's being normal. I wait for him to speak, but when it becomes apparent that he's not planning on talking any time soon, I take matters into my own hands.
"You're having toast aswell? Really?" I chuckle, astounded by how much my brother eats. I don't know where it all goes, he's so skinny! I wish I could be like that.
Mikey clears his throat, reminding me that I started a conversation. I look up at him and he's staring at me, waiting for me to speak. "I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, this isn't for me. It's for you." He says simply. A frown makes itself comfortable on my face, but I make no move to protest. I know that if I did, I'd be fighting a losing battle. "And anyway, nutella is great."
"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" I snap sulkily, burying my face in my coffee cup.
"Whoa, Gee. Who shit in your cornflakes? Bit snappy this morning, are we?" He jokes.
"Fuck off, Mikey." His mouth forms an 'o' shape, clearly shocked at how harsh I'm sounding.
"What the fuck? I'm just kidding around." The toaster pops, revealing the disgusting looking browny coloured toast. I look at it in distaste, and Mikey notices. "...Wait a second, is this because I'm making you toast?"
"No." I say, acting like a sulky child. "I'm just tired." The steam from my coffee starts to make me sweat, so I move my face away.
Mikey eyes me skeptically, seeing through my blatant lies. "Bullshit... Okay, okay." He adds hastily when I give him a death glare. i finish off my coffee and put it on the table in front of me.
My peace is interrupted when Mikey places a plate of two calorie covered pieces of charred bread on the table. "But you're still eating the toast."
"Yeah, yeah whatever." I glare at him again before picking up the toast and nibbling at it.
After staring at me while I ate the dry toast, Mikey went up to get ready. 40 minutes and three cups of coffee later, we left the house. Right now, we're standing on the corner of our street waiting for Frank. Frank... Just the thought of him lifts my mood, and I feel myself give a small smile to myself. Mikey looks at me as if I've gone crazy.
"Gerard, what are you smiling at?"
"Nothing, why?" My smile now gone, irritance in place of happiness.
"You just never smile, I was wondering why..."
I'm about to reply when I feel two arms snake around my waist. I turn around and I'm greeted by the top of my boyfriend's head. Damn, he's short. He gives a little squeal and wraps me in a tight hug, that I return happily.
"Someone's happy this morning..." I smile down at Frankie and lean in for a quick kiss. We're interrupted by a small cough. Frank leans around me and smiles again, a wide grin stretching from ear to ear.
"Mikey Mouse!!!!" He runs over to him and jumps up, tackling him to the floor.
"Dude! What the fuck?! Get off me, you strange child." Frank jumps to his feet and helps a laughing Mikey up also. "Seriosuly, dude. What the fuck?"
Frank squeezes his cheeks together. "Aww, is Mikey mouse all grumpy this morning? Mr grumpy Gills." Mikey and I laugh at the finding Nemo quote.
"How do you know that nickname?" Frank turns his head to me and winks before turning back to Mikey, who sighs. "Of course he told you... Well don't call me that. And I'll have you know that I'm in quite a good mood actually. It's just most people don't appreciate being thrown to the floor. Especially by someone two feet shorter than them."
Frankie pouts playfully and walks over to me. "Gee, Mikey's being mean to me. He called me short!" I take his hand and we start walking.
"Mikey, don't be mean to Frankie. He can't help being short." I bite my lip to stop the smile forming on my lips.
"I'm not short!" He whines "... I'm fun-sized."
"You're retarded more like." Mikey ruffles Frank's mohawk, earning a glare from the shorter boy.
"Okay, I'm bored now." Frank says, ignoring Mikey's comment. "So how were your evenings?"
"Twas alright, I guess. Nothing special, watched some TV."
Frank looked up at me and smiled. "What about you Geegee?"
"Same really, I listened to some music, did some drawing. What about you?"
"Ooh, can I see some of your drawings some time? Becky says you're really good, and I wanna see! Please, please PLEASE??" He looks up at me with puppy dog eyes.
"Umm, o-okay? They aren't that good, so don't get your hopes up." I mumble, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"He's just being modest." Comes a new voice. We all turn around to see Becky walking behind us.
"Where did you come from?" Mikey says, shocked.
"My mum's vagina." We all groan in disgust. "My house, you knobs. I live right there." She points to a house not too far back.
"How did we not know this? Well, you're walking with us from now on, okay?" Frank rambles, speaking at a very fast pace.
"Um... Okay? What's up with you?"
"You're extremely hyper this morning."
"Yeah, who gave you coffee?" Mikey asks, eyes narrowed.
"Hey, quit ganging up on me! I can guarantee you Gerard had more coffee than me this morning, the coffee addict!" He pokes my ribs playfully and leans closer into me.
I kiss him softly, before replying.
"I have an excuse, I have a medical condition." They all look at me.
"Bullshit." Mikey chuckles. "Ooh, but I tell you what Gerard DID have this morning..."
"Oh, do tell Mikey Mouse." Frank says in a very feminine voice, making Mikey turn and glare at him.
"Seriously, stop with the nickname. Anyway, he had breakfast! Actual breakfast!" He gushes.
I let go of Frank's hand and cover my face with my hands. "For fuck sake..." I mutter, obviously louder than I thought because Frank hears me.
"Gee, that's great. Why don't you want me to know?" We're by the school gates now, and Frank stops me before we walk through them. He gestures for Mikey and Becky to carry on walking, and we're left alone.
"It's not that, it's just I don't like it when he makes a fuss like that. It's not a big deal or anything, everyone has breakfast." I mutter quietly, not looking into his eyes.
"He's proud of you, that's all. He's happy you're improving." Yeah... That's what you think.
"I guess... We should get going though." I connect our lips quickly, before walking off in the direction of the building.
So bros, how was it? Again I apologize for the shortness and lack of interesting events. But you'll be pleased to know that I have the next chapter written so it should be up within the next couple of days! Rate and review for Tom Delonge... He's so funny!