“This used to be so fun,” was all Nikki managed to choke out.
“What for?” Tommy asked, his voice thick with the sleep he was unable to get.
“What do you think?” Nikki snapped irately. Tommy’s previously concerned gaze darted down to the crook of Nikki’s arm. The seemingly millions of scars clustered over the area were accented with a tiny red mark. A bruise was forming. Tommy averted his eyes. “I’m sorry…” Nikki added softly, mumbling into the blankets pulled up around him.
“Can’t blame ya,” Tommy replied with a shrug. He rolled back over onto his back, shutting his eyes. It was a few minutes before Nikki spoke again.
“…You still love me, right?” the insecurities that Nikki had always held onto surfaced for a moment, as they sometimes did around close friends, particularly Tommy, when he was scared.
“Of course,” Tommy gave up his attempt to sleep and sat up, pulling his knees up to rest his arms on them. He sat slouching, partially covered by the sheets, just looking down at Nikki.
“I’ve made some pretty piss-poor decisions in my life,” he sighed, staring blankly at the ceiling, ignoring Tommy’s eyes wandering over his face. The usually curious, sparkling eyes were dull and tired, but they still lingered on the same places.
“You just had a little too much fun back when we were kids. We all did. Hell, we’re still young and still making piss-poor decisions…. still having a little too much fun… But again: we’re young. We’re gonna fuck shit up. It’s not like you’re the first of us to ‘cheat’, dude,” Tommy gave Nikki the biggest, dopiest grin he could muster. Nikki halfheartedly returned it.
“We’re rockstar old, Tommy,” he smirked humorlessly. Tommy grimaced, realizing it was true.
“…Yeah. I guess we are,” he muttered.
“You think… You think this is gonna fuck up the tour?” Nikki asked timidly, scooting closer to Tommy. Tommy shrugged and allowed Nikki to lean his head against his hip.
“Probably not. I mean, Vince still drinks like a fish, we ALL know that… One hit of smack isn’t gonna fuck us over,” he winked at Nikki, who grinned. His smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.
“Fuck…” he groaned softly, pressing his hands over his eyes. Tommy creased his brow and gingerly lifted Nikki’s hands away from his face.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“…I’m comin’ down…” Nikki grimaced. Tommy frowned deeply, tucking away a stray lock of hair on Nikki’s forehead.
“We’re still paying for when we were kids,” Tommy sighed.
“We’re still kids, we’ve never matured,” Nikki rubbed the sore spot on his arm. Tommy stilled his hand.
“We gotta stop this shit soon, Sixx. You aren’t gonna see your 40th at this rate,” Tommy bit his lip, “You almost didn’t… You almost didn’t make it to 30, man…you had just turned 29…” Tommy rested his chin on his knees, hugging them tighter.
“I know, Tommy. I know,” Nikki sighed heavily and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. Tommy looked at him questioningly as he made his way into the small hotel kitchen.
“What’re you-” Tommy called out, but stopped when Nikki emerged from the fridge with two little bottles of booze from the mini bar. “NIK!” he hissed angrily, throwing the sheets off himself. Nikki made a helpless face.
“Fuck it,” was all the explanation he offered. Tommy sat rigidly on the edge of the bed, arms crossed in disapproval. He shivered, suddenly missing the sheets over his bare legs. Nikki sat next to him and put a hand on his chilly thigh. Tommy shoved it away and moved closer to the pillows.
“Isn’t it bad enough that you just shot up?!” his voice quivered.
“If I’ve already fucked shit up for myself tonight, I might as well roll with it,” Nikki replied quietly, twisting off the top of one bottle. Tommy watched silently as Nikki placed the mouth of the bottle against his lips. As soon as the alcohol touched Nikki’s tongue, Nikki shut his eyes and hummed in approval. Tommy tore his eyes away, his heart rate increasing.
“Oh my God, that’s so fuckin’ good…” his eyes opened blearily.
“You were just whining about me not loving you, and feeling bad, and flipping out about the tour and shit!” Tommy yelled suddenly. Nikki flinched. “Don’t flinch!” Tommy shouted angrily. He shot up off the bed and began to pace, gesturing dramatically with his hands.
“Tommy, calm down! I know I’m fucking up, but-” Nikki began in a hurry, standing up to follow Tommy, try and calm him down.
“FUCK!” Tommy was practically at screaming level now. He grabbed his hair and pulled down, still pacing in tight circles. “I just can’t DEAL WITH THIS!” he ranted on, “THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING UNSTOCK THE FRIDGE!” he let go of his hair and paced quickly into the kitchen, where he grabbed all the remaining bottles and threw them against the wall. Nikki flinched back again.
“Tommy, please,” Nikki begged urgently, “You’re being fucking stupid!”
“STUPID?!” Tommy roared, “Fine! Fine, I’m stupid! What-the-fuck-EVER! But at least I’m not some idiot junkie who can’t stay away from his one true love! AT LEAST I’m not some bipolar maniac who has a fucking fit and pity party then goes and fucking DRINKS,” he grabbed the unsmashed, unopened second bottle from where Nikki had been sitting a few moments prior, “in front of another recovering addict!” he ripped the top off with unnecessary force and started chugging it.
“Stop yelling!” Nikki shouted hypocritically, trying to grab the bottle away from Tommy.
“NO!” Tommy thundered, tossing aside the bottle anyway and shoving Nikki viciously. Nikki gasped and at the force, dropping his own bottle. It shattered on the kitchen tile, sending shrapnel everywhere.
“FUCKER, KNOCK IT OFF, I’M SORRY!” Nikki struggled furiously against Tommy, who had him trapped in a small space. He got one good punch to Tommy’s shoulder before Tommy grabbed him.
“BUT YOU AREN’T!” Tommy howled. He slammed Nikki up against the wall, now holding him by his elbows. His right thumb was digging into Nikki’s newest track mark. Nikki winced and hissed, jerking his head away. He squeezed his eyes shut tight against the pain.
“TOMMY FUCKING STOP, THAT HURTS!” he attempted to shove Tommy away.
“GOOD!” Tommy increased the pressure, jerking Nikki towards him and then forward again. Nikki’s head cracked the glass of a picture hanging on the wall. Nikki’s eyes teared up as his head began to ache. He snapped his head down, not letting Tommy see the tears that were inevitably going to fall now. He became still, stopping his fight. Tommy’s heavy, heated breathing was the only sound in the room until the quietest of sobs escaped from deep within Nikki’s chest. Tommy let go of Nikki like his hands had been burned and jumped back. Nikki slid slowly down the wall, coming to rest on the floor, sobs escaping louder and heavier now.
“…Nik?” Tommy whispered.
“FUCK OFF!” Nikki’s sobs finally won, wracking his body.
“I’m sorry, Nikki!” Tommy’s eyes welled up as well and he dove down to frantically attempt to comfort Nikki, “I’m so, so, so sorry, Nik. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, holding Nikki close. Nikki wiped helplessly at his eyes, eyeliner going all over his face. Tommy futilely tried to help him.
“It just- It,” Nikki blubbered.
“What?” Tommy asked, stroking Nikki’s face, brushing hair off his forehead, nuzzling his hair, trying so hard to sooth the hurt he had caused.
“This used to be so fun,” was all Nikki managed to choke out.