Mikey left an hour ago. I feel so bad but I don't know what's going on anymore, I know that once I'm home I won't be safe from Bob. He will track me down, he was right I can't hide from him.
I told Frank to leave but he's always there for me, I can't get him to leave forever. He's my brother, I can't ban him out of my life forever.
"Dude don't call me bra, I don't want to be named after one of those things"
God Frank was so awkward, I saw a look creep upon his face. I know that look.
"You met a girl. Haven't you? Spill the beans"
"Theres nothing to spill, I'm just going to get coffee with an English chick. No biggie"
He usually wasn't one for not telling me about girls, something is up.
"Yeah, ok then. So anything up?"
"No I'm totally fine, so how's it going with Gerard, Mikey and Bob?"
I can't hide the truth from my own brother, he had to know what his best friend was really like.
"Well Mikey has considered leaving Alicia for me and he had a bitch fit when I said I needed time to think about 'us'. Bob is a physco who is going to abuse me when he finds me and probably kill me. And finally Gerard, well I found out the woman he is with is the woman he cheated on me with. You know everything is normal"
My life was far from normal but I guess I deserved it, I shouldn't be allowed to love or live.
"Since when has our life even been normal, our dad abused us, mom is in prison and we were left to fend for ourselves. Look how far we've came"
"You mean look how far you've came. You have become so successful without me, I've just stayed in Jersey"
I saw the sympathy in his eyes, he obviously did care about me. He was my brother after all. I love him for that.
"Maria you are still healthy and alive, you have a beautiful daughter and you have your brother behind you"
"I love you Frankie"
"I love you too"
I don't need anyone else in my life, I have my brother and daughter in my life. That's all I need. Well except Gerard. No, Mikey. I mean Mikey. Do I? I obviously love them both, but I can't have both.
"Can you call Mikey and ask him to come back please?"
"Umm sure ok, if you're sure"
I wasn't sure but I needed someone else, all this talk about I only need Frank and Amy isn't true. I need him, I need Gerard but he is out of reach. I won't go back there, right now I'm going to have Mikey. I sound so desperate but I need someone else in my life. I need Mikey.
I can't believe that I ever did that to her, I'm a horrible person. I love her so much, I don't love Lyn-Z! She was a stupid mistake, but Maria, she is perfect. The only girl I've ever loved. The only one I ever will. I'm not even allowed to see my own daughter, I need to see what she looks like. I missed her 16th birthday! Maybe Mikey talked some sense into her. Or not, he isn't the wiser brother nor is he the most safe brother to be around.
"Hey Gee baby"
I wasn't in the mood for Lyn-Z and her words of wisdom.
"What's wrong hun?"
I sat down on the sofa while she massaged my shoulders.
"Nothing. I need a beer"
Alcohol wasn't the answer but I was desperate, I needed a drink. The rage and disappointment was creating a ball of emotions inside of me and I needed the sweet nectar of alcohol to cure it.
"No sweetie, I'm not letting you"
Does she think she can stop me from drinking? One person? I don't think so.
"Gee, there's a choice that you have to make. The answer is pretty plain to see, it's us or the alcohol. Me and Bandit are counting on you, don't let us down. Come on baby, you've got to come through. You always do, you're stronger than this"
I wasn't stronger than this, I needed the alcohol. It was my only escape from my life.
"I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU! I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU! I WANT MARIA BACK"
I flipped over the glass table, smashing it into tiny pieces, some attacking my skin. The blood. It was so thick, red and beautiful. It was like a work of art, I sat and watched it glide down my body.
"Gee you don't mean it, this isn't you talking. Come on I need to take you to the hospital"
"Leave me, take Bandit and don't come back. I don't want you. Just leave and don't come back, it's for your own good"
I didn't want her anymore, why couldn't she get that into her head and just leave me alone.
I was being a bastard to her but I need her to leave, I'd say she was a mistake but she brought me a beautiful daughter. So did Maria. I watched as Lyn-Z left, Bandit in her arms.
My life was a living hell.