Dan promises Phil that he wouldn't hurt. Can he keep it?
#Phil looks up, frowning slightly. “I-I dunno… We might have to share this rock bed…” Phil smiles and blushes at the thought. He looks up at Dan’s worried face. “D-Dan?” Phil leans forward. “Your frowning. Whats wrong?” Phil resisted stoking Dan’s soft cheek.
*“I got nasty messages from people for gaining your attention. I’m just imagining what would happen if people found out we slept in the same bed together. It scares me Phil.” Dan caught himself thinking of sharing a bed with Phil. He blushed and hid his face. “You haven’t told me any details of this adventure we’re going on.”
#Phil moves closer. “We don’t have to tell anyone… It can be our little secret…” Our dirty secret, Phil thought. He smiled widely. “I can’t tell you. It will be a surprise.” Phil smiles widely, leaning in closer to Dan. He wanted to be so close to Dan, it hurt.
*Dan reluctantly agreed to sharing the bed with Phil. He curled up on the bed with his back against the wall. He wasn’t happy with his life at it’s current state. But his therapy was out of the question with Phil here. He then remembered his secret razor that hung around his neck. He excused himself to the bathroom and sat on the loo crying. He produced his emergency friend and made several incisions in his arms. Once he felt a bit better he soaked up the blood with toilet paper and pulled down his sleeves. Placing the cord back around his neck, he busied himself to seem like he had actually been visiting the bathroom and curled himself up against the wall. Phil was lying on the opposite edge of the bed. Dan was sure he was asleep. So he let tiny sobs overtake him and he cried himself to sleep.
#Phil moaned in his sleep. He dreamed a horrible dream. Both him and Dan were in bed, both so close their lips almost touching when Dan cries out in shock. Phil was confused. Why was Dan scared? Phil looks down and sees it. His ugly body. Cuts all over. Skin literally torn open. Phil looks up, tears in his eyes. “Dan… Please.”
“PIG!” Dan screams in Phil’s face. “Fat ugly pig!” Phil shook his head.
“Dan, please! I thought you would understand! I was hurting. I know. I know I’m fat. I know I’m an ugly sight. Just please! Don’t hate me.” Dan shakes his head. He rolls away and hands Phil a razor.
“End your fucking waste of a life.” Phil cries hard. He shakes his head. He rolls away from Dan, taking the razor. He sees Peej.
“Peej? Babe?” Peej spits on Phil, disgusted. Phil sobs and reaches for his boyfriend. Peej jumps away. Phil sobs. “Not you too… Please! Don’t be like Dan. You love me… remember?” Peej storms away, mumbling about how ugly Phil was. Phil sobs harder. “Oh God! I’m such a fucking idiot! I deserve death!”
*The real Dan heard Phil moaning and felt him tossing. He started to grow concerned. That was when he heard Phil yell out how he deserved death. Dan quickly turned around and hugged him. It would stop him going anywhere and Dan didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t care if his new injuries were found out if it kept Phil alive. He had tried to wake Phil up but that hadn’t worked. Holding him was the only thing Dan could think of that might work.
#Phil woke, shaking and crying. He felt arms around him. He moved into the arms. He cried harder. “Death… I deserve death…” He mumbles over and over again. “Be skinny… Be perfect…” Phil hated on himself. “Need razors…” Phil tries to roll away.
*Dan tightens his grip on Phil. “No Phil. Don’t end up like me. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.” Dan whispered into Phil’s hair. He wasn’t letting the boy destroy himself on his watch. Dan felt so helpless, all he could think of was holding Phil until he calmed down.
#Phil turns in Dan’s arms, looking into Dan’s eyes. He felt himself melt into Dan. Phil leans in, resting his forehead on Dan’s. “I-I-I can’t…”
*“At least stay here in my arms tonight. I’ll feel better knowing you’re not a failure like me. Can’t even keep a promise.” Dan was referring to his arms, But Phil wasn’t to know that.