Why do I keep trying?
I don't even know why I started harming myself or why I stopped eating, or even why I have so much self-hatred. I've neverlike myself, even as a young child. That much I know. I've always been self-depreciating. When someone said I did a good job, I would insist that I didn't. I was always apologizing. I never felt confident in myself. But at the same time, I never asked for much. Whenever all the kids wanted a shiny new toy, I never asked for it. When they pestered their parents, I tried to help mine. I learned how to take care of myself so they didn't have to. At a young age, I learned to make my own breakfast and lunch, comb my own hair, run myself a bath, while other kids my age still needed help.
I learned to do my own homework. At school, I earned top marks, and tried not to cry when the kids picked on me. It wasn't easy. They were near constant in their insults. But I didn't fight with them. I tried my hardest to be the perfect kid.
But apparently I wasn't good enough. My parents didn't realize that they could have had a greedy, demanding kid who always asked for things regardless of whether or not they could've afforded it. But I think they missed that point.