I started school again so updates may be a little ways away.
"Don't talk about yourself like that, it's wrong. I can't stand it when you bad-mouth yourself." He shook his head gently back and forth, blonde hair falling into his eyes softly before he pushed it back. He took my hand in his, kissing the back gently as he set it on my lap. That's when the best, and worst thoughts came into my head. It would save our relationship by shredding it first. We would be alright if I could just spit the words out.
"Mikey, I do, I love you but..." I trailed off, suddenly doubting my confidence and wondering if I could finish my sentence.
"But maybe we should take a little break, just to think about stuff." I finished, my heart thrumming in my ears and making my entire body pulse with fear. I looked up at his relaxed features, watching them melt into sadness as his eyes slowly opened and his hazels were on me.
"You want a divorce?" He choked out, voice sad and strangled, I could almost feel his tears even though they were still in his eyes. I shivered, shaking my head and looking up at the man who had captured my heart and how he was right now breaking it.
"No, I still love you. I just think we need sometime apart." I dared to say, watching him sink down into the shell I had pulled him from. I wanted to break down and cry for him, but I knew it was best to stay strong, to keep a good head and show him that I was serious.
"If this will help." He stated calmly, nodding softly before he kissed my cheek gently.
"Where will you go?" He asked, eyes still locked on mine. It was frightening, but I was happy how smoothly this as going.
"I won't be far and I won't be forever." I sat up out of my bed as the doctor walked in and interrupted our moment.
He explained that I could go home, handed me a pill box and told me to take them twice a day as the pain ensues, he then handed me a pair of crutches some Ace bandages and some Bayer Asprins. I tossed them into my bag and positioned myself on the crutches with my purse slung over my shoulder. Mikey helped me out before walking me over to his brother, a cheery smile on the older's face.
Mikey picked Niall from Gerard's arms, handing him to me to say one last goodbye. I kissed my baby's forehead listening to his quiet coos of love that weren't actual words. It made me giggle.
"Goodbye baby, I'll see you soon, I love you." I hushed him and ran my fingers through his sleek sable hair, and there was a decent amount of it. Gerard looked at me with a confused look, cocking one eyebrow to the side as he watched what was going on.
"Goodbye Mikey." I said, hiding my sadness as well as I could. I wasn't very happy about leaving, but I knew that it was for the best, I hoped. I still didn't know, I didn't how my baby would be or how Mikey would hold up, I wasn't even sure how well I'd hold up, I just knew that some time apart would do us both some good. Even if it hurt to be a couple feet away from him.
"Bye." He said vacantly, that's what I didn't understand. Why was he so okay with this? But he wasn't, he grabbed me with both arms and pulled me to him, my crutches falling to the floor as his lips pressed tight against my own. I felt the spark, the one you feel when you kiss the one. I put my hands on the back of his head, kissing back and he smiled softly against my lips. I pulled back before things got too far, chuckling to myself as I pointed to the crutches on the floor. Gerard picked them up and carefully put them under my arms with a smile.
"I'll see ya." Mikey concluded, waving goodbye to me as he carried our son with him back home. The further he got the colder I got, the smaller I felt in the large hallway Gerard and I were left in. Gerard nodded before I had even asked my question and he lead me to his car. I hobbled along as he started to ask me continuous questions.
"Can I just tell you tomorrow?" I asked, my voice drearily fading off into the night as I got into his car with a huff, the cast was so damn heavy. Gerard nodded and began to drive away, letting the radio lull me to sleep as he probably intended. And I did, fell asleep fast but woke up when Gerard turned the car engine off. He nudged me awake and handed me the crutches. He got out and opened the door for me like a gentleman before helping me out and adjusting my crutches. I muttered a quick 'thanks' before stumbling into the house and walking directly into the first bedroom there was. I flopped onto the bed and inhaled the familiar scent, instantly opening my eyes which were filling with tears.
"That's Mikey's old room." He stated, as if I didn't know. I recognized the cologne, the shampoo, the soap, it all screamed Mikey and it was just too much for the weak person I was at the moment. I nodded and sniffled quietly, making sure he didn't hear it. I slid under the covers and grabbed the closest pillow to me, shoving it vigorously under my head. I heard Gerard huff out a sad sigh as he shut the door before muttering a sweet goodnight and leaving me to myself. I replied with the same goodnight and looked at the ceiling that loomed so plainly above me.
I fell asleep relatively fast, knowing that it was better for my health than to stay up and worry about god knows what. Anything that kept me calm would be best for my health, and staying calm would mean not being with Mikey, so what I was doing was right. Right?