"Well?" Ryan asked, as a round of silence had followed his question. Everyone else looked at one another worriedly. "Come on, what is Brendon to me? Since this is obviously not a sick joke, as I had previously thought. Tell me."
"Ryan..I" Spencer cut himself off. How could they possibly tell him? He was pissed off, and as far as he knew he was staright. He had been too, until Brendon showed up. He was most probably going to say something that would upset Brendon, Spencer knew. This was one of the reasons why they didn't tell Ryan in the first place. It could have made things a lot worse. It had been known to distress people into depression. It could have had all sorts of effects on him. So they left it. But then Brendon coming back, changed it all. It was hard for Brendon, and he couldn't handle it.
"I'll tell him" Brendon's quiet voice broke the silence, and he cleared his throat. Spencer wanted to tell him to stop, he could see the tears in his eyes, and tell Ryan himself but Brendon was stubborn. Spencer saw a flicker of something on Ryan's face, something that said he knew this was serious.
"Brendon?" Ryan asked, and Brendon cleared his throat.
"It was two months before the accident. Well, two months and two weeks to be exact. You were holding auditions for a lead singer, for your band, with Spencer and Jon. I came along and auditioned, and you guys accepted me straight away. We became close friends, in that first month. Really close. Then...at first it felt too soon but, when you meet the right person it just fits in, you know? Whether you've known them four weeks or four years, if it's that one person you know you're meant for then it works. It always works. You realised that too. Hell, even these two did." Brendon had tears flowing freely down his pale cheeks, but he was smiling. "I was living with you anyway, since I'd come down from Chicago. So we made it work. We'd fallen into a routine, and it felt like I'd known you forever. Each morning I would wake up to a fresh mug of coffee on my bedside table, and you would always know exactly when I was awake. Even when I tried to lift the mug really quietly, you would know, and you would slip into the room and sit beside me whilst I finished my drink. You'd wait patiently, until I'd finished, and only then would you kiss me. You always said it was because you hated my morning breath but you loved the taste of coffee. Then you would climb back into the bed and we would just lie there for a while, enjoying each others company. Then Spencer would call, complaining about us being late, and we'd head off to band practice in my car. It was my...I was driving that day. But, we would rehearse and then the four of us would go for some food. You refused to eat in Spencer's house because he never cleaned. Then we would return home, watch some movies before going to bed. You know...I never actually said it, neither of us did, but I loved you. I still do. I'm sorry".
Brendon stood up, tears still making their way down his face, and left the room. He walked through Ryan's apartment, and headed out of the sliding glass doors and onto the balcony. He had decided to leave Ryan to take in that information, and he didnt want to be there when Ryan started shouting or getting angry. For some reason, some part of him thought Ryan would beleive him and they could continue with their lives. He hadn't looked at Ryan whilst he was speaking, for fear of what he would see. Spencer was probably calming Ryan down, and then he would send Jon out to see if Brendon was okay. Sure enough, Brendon heard footsteps heading his way.
"Jon, I don't want your sympathy right now man. Seriously."
"It's a good thing Jon's inside then". Brendon nearly fell off the balcony when he heard that voice.
"Ryan? What are you-" He cut himself off. Ryan was probably here to yell at him, or something.
"Tell me what happened that day, Brendon. What actually happened?" Ryan asked, seemingly calm. Brendon wiped at his eyes.
"I..um. We were running late, really late. You couldnt find your hat, and you refused to leave without it. We ended up getting stuck in traffic, and you hated the traffic. I was driving, and I wasn't paying attention so didn't see him I...we weren't moving so I didn't think to check and I should've, I would have seen him coming and I could have stopped it. It was my fault, all my fault I'm so sorry" Brendon was crying again. so Ryan pulled him into a hug. He didn't care that he sort of didn't get along with Brendon, he was upset and Ryan wasn't letting that happen.
"Hey, it wasn't your fault. It could've happened to anyone" Ryan said, and Brendon pulled away.
"You're supposed to be the one needing comfort, yet here's me crying like a little girl" Brendon said, wiping his eyes.
"You're the one with the, boyfriend I guess, who can't even remember your existance" Ryan said, and Brendon stared.
"You believe me then?" He asked, unsure, and Ryan nodded.
"I believe you, yes. It's just hard for me, knowing that there's a part of my life I can't even remember" Ryan said, leaning over the balcony slightly.
"You know, Spencer and Jon will help you in any way they can. And Dr Quinn is a good doctor, though she didn't help much back there. And I will...I'll try and help, if you want me to" Brendon said, leaning his back against the railings.
"Of course I'd want you to, you seem to know more about me than I do. But, why did you hate me? Or, act as though you did?" Ryan asked, and Brendon took a long time to reply.
"Because there are really two strong emotions in life, and if I didn't pretend to hate you it would become obvious that I loved you".
(Okay so I know I've been promising longer chapters but I have to end certain chapters when I do so that it works. So if my chapters are a little short, I'm sorry)