Give me your weapons of mass destruction, Those mindless conventional weapons. The things you use for my hearts abduction. Please find a way to kill me tonight.
Just to let you guys know if you already didn’t, I changed my twitter name from ‘MCRmy_Frank’ and I am now ‘gh0stofyou’. Also this fanfic will have four chapters and will probably be my last fanfic ever (or for a very very long while). If you haven’t read my MCR/FVK crossover one-shot called ‘Hold On Tight’, then I suggest you do cause I had fun writing it and I hope you guys have fun reading it.
Anyway, hope you enjoy reading this. Let me know what you think of it by tweeting me (@gh0stofyou) or by rating and reviewing it because I’ll be writing the other three parts soon and I hardly ever get feedback :’( I’ll let you get on with reading this now. Hope you like it!
From Caitlin xo
(gh0stofyou on twitter)
P.s I made the lyrics at the end up myself. (just so I don't cause any confusion)
Chapter 1- I miss you
A lot has happened to me over the past few months. It’s been the most painful fifteen months of my life. But I guess, my life was never particularly bad so I have nothing to compare it to.
I had an amazing family: a mom and grandma to look after me. They were very supportive of me, as a kid. “Your grades don’t matter if you’re a handsome boy like you are.” I remember my grandma telling me many times. I also had a dad who treated me like I was the only guy in the world that mattered. He was the one that got me into making music in the first place. Every week end he would take me into the town to buy CDs and to look at the guitars. He was my hero. I never had many arguments with my parents. The worst argument I can remember was when mom found weed in my bedroom when I was eighteen. I’d never been so scared. I’d never seen her so angry and it upset me that I had made her feel like that. So I promised never to do it again.
I had a few good friends at school. I got shoved into lockers quite regularly, but I guess that doesn’t matter when you have some awesome guys to smoke or skate with after a particularly tough day at school My grades were always just good enough (apart from English, which I aced). The only subject I failed was French. Mainly because my teacher hated me. Me and my friend, Brian, used to constantly wind her up by hiding her books around the classroom and moving things around her desk. She was border line OCD, you see. Looking back at it now, I guess we shouldn’t have done that to her. It drove her up the wall. But it was fun at the same time, and that’s all that matters when you’re young.
The worst thing that happened to me was constantly going to hospital due to my bronchitis, but that was hardly anything to become depressed over. So I guess, as far as the bad things in my life go-these past few months have definitely been the worst.
Let’s start from the beginning. Fifteen months ago at Projekt Revolution:
“Hey dude.” Gerard beamed as he approached me. His voice was beginning to crack slightly, but he didn’t seem to care. That was when I noticed he was shaking slightly. He couldn’t keep his hands still and he kept fidgeting anxiously, picking the dead skin from around his nails.
“Gee, are you okay?” I asked, slightly concerned. I put my arm around him and sat him down on a plastic chair. I pulled one up beside him and sat too.
“Nerves, I guess. My voice has been playing up and I don’t wanna ruin the show.” He sighs.
“Gerard, you’ll be amazing, like always.” I laughed, putting my arm around his waist and resting my hand on his rib cage. “As long as you drink plenty of water, you’ll be okay.” I advised, trying to be as reassuring as possible for my best friend.
He sighed and looked at me, holding my eye contact for a moment too long.
“I love you.” he smiled, then blushed deeply and tore his eyes from mine. My head began to swim with a thousand thoughts: did he mean it? Was he serious about it? “I love you so much.” He said, much quieter this time. He loved me and he meant it.
“You’re my best friend, too.” I said slowly in reply. I knew I should have thought of something better to say. I was such an idiot. He must have felt so stupid because he thought I didn’t love him back. Truth was: I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“What?” he choked. “So…all that kissing and stuff on stage…it meant nothing to you?” He looked up and all I could see was the infuriating anger in his yes.
“No…I mean yes! I mean…it’s complicated.” I was digging myself into a deeper hole. Why couldn’t I have just said that I loved him back?! Why did I have to let my brain get the better of me?! Because I love Jamia too, that’s why.
“Just leave it.” He said, looking back down at the floor. I thought he was crying, but I was wrong. When he looked back up at me, I saw genuine hatred etched into every inch of his face. “You have to ruin everything. Some best friend you are, Frank Iero. I hate you.” and with that, he got up and headed towards the dressing rooms, leaving me alone with a billion and one thoughts bouncing around my mind. My gut felt sick and my heart felt suddenly heavy. Had I really upset Gerard so much to make him hate me? All because I couldn’t say I loved him?
I saw the rest of the band heading towards the stage so I followed after them. I pushed the thoughts of Gerard to the back of my mind and focused on the show. The last day of Projekt Revolution. As I stepped onto the stage, someone handed me my guitar and I put the strap over my head as Bob began to play a steady drum beat. Gerard took the mic and started talking to the reasonably large crowd. He apologised for the state his vocals are in for today and suddenly I’m thrown head first into the fast upbeat rhythm of ‘Helena’. Before I knew it, I was sucked into the music and nothing else mattered.
We were on our second to last song of the set, and I noticed Gerard had been keeping away from me, which was strange because usually he’d be touching me and joking around. I thought ‘maybe if I start messing around with him, he’ll forget about earlier’. I kicked Matt’s bass (the replacement bassist while Mikey was taking time off from the band) to let Gerard know I was starting to joke around. Matt giggled and continued playing happily. So as Gerard bounced to the front of the stage with the mic in his hand, I climbed onto the platform in front of him. Then during a short guitar solo from Ray, I fall back onto him, expecting him to catch me.
Instead, I’m thrown forcefully to the floor. I picked myself up and grabbed Gerard around the waist in an attempt to get him to the ground in a burst of my anger. Why didn’t he catch me? I thought I was his best friend! He should have fucking caught me! He dropped his mic and missed the point in the song where he’s supposed to start singing again. He grabbed me into a tight headlock, and at first I thought he was playing around, but I find myself struggling for breath.
“Why do you have to ruin everything?!” He shouted angrily at me. I could only just make out what he’s saying over the sound of the loud music. That made me furious. I could almost feel the blood in my temples pumping harder and harder. Just as he managed to get the mic back, I kicked him right in the shin. Suddenly I found myself being propelled to the floor by a sharp shove to the chest. I landed on the stage hands first, my arms throbbing from the impact. I sat up and picked my guitar up from the floor to find Gerard staring at me. My eyes began to fill with tears, but he didn’t show any signs of remorse. Before I let any tears roll down my cheeks in front of this huge crowd, I found myself running of stage and out of sight.
I let my legs collapse beneath me as I watched Gerard furiously storm around the stage, kicking the lights and speakers. He kicks the mic stand across the stage and screams out something I can’t quite make out. I’d never seen Gerard so upset before. I had really fucked up this time, and the worst part is: I could have stopped this. I could have just told him I loved him back, regardless of Jamia. Regardless of what my mind told me. Because I know that I love him back, and watching him heartbroken was tearing me apart even more.
I picked my guitar up with my right hand, but a sharp pain was sent down my arm. I’d sprained it when I fell to the floor. There was no way I could be able to play the final song of our set. One of the roadies helps me to my feet and takes me out back to an ambulance. A paramedic hands me an ice pack which I hold to my wrist. I don’t listen to a thing the paramedic says to me, I just sit there staring mindlessly into space. My mind wouldn’t focus on anything other than Gerard and the fight we had just had. He really hated me, didn’t he?
The last time I saw Gerard was when he grabbed his bags from the bus and made a hurried exit to Denver, Colorado without even saying goodbye. No one knew why he went there exactly. Not until a week or two ago. I remember when Ray broke the news to me…
Jamia quickly hurried out the door. She was late for work again. She had spent too much time worrying about what I was going to be doing today. The day before she had told me she was worried because I had been spending my days alone staring into space doing nothing for hours on end. Not even with the TV on or the radio playing. Just sitting by the window, starting at the blank wall opposite me. I needed to think, and that was the best way to do it. Anyway, I had only just sat down by the window after putting the books away that I had promised Jamia I would read today. ‘Something to take my mind of it all’ she had called them, when my phone began to ring. I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the caller ID.
Ray Toro, Calling.
I pressed answer and held the phone to my ear.
“What’s up, dude?” I said, sitting on the window ledge of the living room.
“I was going to ask you the same thing.” He said. The concern was apparent in his voice. “Where were you yesterday?” he asked.
“Yesterday…I was at home. Why?” I asked, slightly confused.
“I know that, but why weren’t you at the wedding? I mean, I know it was last minute but we all made the effort.”
“Wedding…what wedding?” I choked. I could tell that the news that was going to follow would not be good.
“Gerard and Lindsey’s wedding…he didn’t mention it to you?”
“He…he didn’t say a thing…I…” My eyes begin to grow hot with tears and my vision becomes blurred.
“But…you’re his best friend! He must’ve said something to you.” Ray said, voice raised.
“Nothing. Ray…we haven’t spoken in three weeks. We...I…I miss him so much.” I swallowed hard and suddenly the tears were uncontrollable.
I found myself falling to the floor and curling up in tight ball with my phone in my hand. It was like the sadness had taken over my whole body. I couldn’t move at all. The tears just burned hot streaks into my face and my eyes stayed shut with the image of Gerard’s angry face as he told me he hated me burned to my eyelids.
“Frank?...Frank?” I could hear Ray’s faint voice through the phone speakers. I was too disconnected from the world to care about what he was saying to me. The sadness was almost too overwhelming to cope with. Maybe there is a way to get all of this sadness out of my veins. Maybe there is a way to make Gerard love me again.
“Frank?...I’m coming over.”
I sit up quickly and spot a pen and paper on the coffee table. My numb body crawls over to it and the pen hovers over the paper before I quickly scrawl:
Give me your weapons of mass destruction,
Those mindless conventional weapons.
The things you use for my hearts abduction.
Please find a way to kill me tonight.
To be continued…