Basically me thanking MCR for everything. Goes on for ages, and I ramble loads. But it's my way of getting everything out of my head.
Uhm, I'm not very good at starting letters... Dear MCR? Does that sound right...?
Well anyway, hello to Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Frank. I want you to know that I love you. And not in a crazed fan girl way, no. I love you like you're my uncles, or brothers or fathers, and most importantly, best friends.
You were there when I felt like I was alone, and helped me to realise I wasn't. There are seven billion people in the world, and you, out of all of them, have definatley impacted me the most. You taught me to never be afraid. You taught me that I am special, and that anyone who dislikes me isn't worth bothering with. You taught me that it's okay to be different, it's okay to be loud, it's okay to me. The first My Chem song I actually heard was Teenagers. It wasn't that sort of moment, everyone else seems to have, like a song comes on the TV or Radio. I searched you on YouTube :) And I instantly loved it! My Granda downloaded Revenge for me, and like I said, I loved it. One day I was listening to it, and my mum was in my room for some reason, and she said to me, "Do you actually like this?" I said yes, and she shook her head, probably thinking I was going through an 'emo' or 'goth' phase. Revenge was the first My Chem album I had, and I think I got it around Summer of 2010, just before I went into High School. Christmas 2010, my mum realised that I really did like MCR, and got me The Black Parade for christmas. And my Granda got me Danger Days. I screamed when I opened them I was so excited to finally have them, especially Danger Days, seeing as it was the new album, and I still didn't have it. So I listened to it a lot, and found out about the story of the fabulous killjoys. I named myself Agent Cyanide!
Some of your songs, especially fom Bullets, always seemed a little depressing to me, and a little bit horrific. That was when I first started listening to you, when I was eleven. I listened to Revenge about five times a day, and Give 'Em Hell Kid was an instant favourite. I didn't start listening to Bullets for a while, and when I did, I didn't like it as much as I liked Revenge and The Black Parade. I didn't listen to it at all. About a year later, I went back to Bullets, and listened to Vampires Will Never Hurt You. And I actually loved it. I didn't know any of the meanings of your songs, but music was only beginning to be a part of my life.
A lot of people say 'My Chemical Romance Saved My Life' and I really like the fact that my favourite band isn't just another meaningless boy band that formed to get money and fame, but an amazing, life saving band that has changed the musical world. I've never really had suicidal thought, or been depressed. Upset, yes. Depressed, no. I hate it when people throw around the word 'depressed'. It pisses me off, sometimes. They say "Oh, I'm so depressed right now." I feel like saying, "No, no you're not. You're sad. Depression lasts more than two hours, it's a long term mental illness!"
So you haven't stopped me from committing suicide, because I've never been suicidal. But you have saved me. You saved me from the life I would have had, if I had never listened to you. I'm not sure, but I think I have some type of anxiety disorder or something. Either that, or I get randomly shaky and sick for no apparent reason when I talk to people I don't really know. But when I meet someone from the MCRmy, it's different. I feel like I'm talking to my best friend, that I have known for years.
I think of The Kids from Yesterday, and the line 'You only hear the music when your heart begins to break.' That line never really meant much to me, until now. I recently relocated from Northern Ireland, my home in the UK, to Sydney, Australia. The land of extreme heat. -_-
In the days leading upto my departure, I started to feel different. Northern Ireland had never really seemed beautiful to me. 'It rained too much' was all I thought. Then I went to Australia for a seven week holiday with my mum, step dad and two little sisters. My mum told me that we would possibly be moving one day, in the car, and I just burst out crying. Seven weeks away from home had killed me. Living there for the rest of my life? No way. I think that was when I started to really love Northern Ireland. I came home, and it was the best feeling ever. I thought to myself, 'The feeling will fade, you'll go back to the way you felt before'. That never happened. Northern Ireland, in my opinion is the most beautiful country in the world. Wales too. I like Wales, we drove through the valleys once, and it was beautiful. I would gladly go to Wales for a holiday, any day. Somehow, in my last few days at home, it was like a light inside me slowly started to dim. I lost something. I don't think I'll ever get it back. I started listening to Bullets again, and finally, it's true beauty was revealed. I think that's when a few cracks started to appear in my heart. In my last few days, the only person who could make me smile was my 10 year old step brother, Troy. He's not blood related to me at all, but we're extremely close, and in some ways like chalk and cheese, and in some ways, shockingly similar. I think it's fair to say that growing up together, he has had an influence on my personality, and I have had an influence on his. I would have my friends around to my house when I was little, and we would play with Bratz dolls or make up. I enjoyed it, but I secretely wish Troy was there so I could play guns or hot wheels with him. I love him so much, but I don't think he realises that. I am so proud of him, and no matter what anyone says about him not being blood related to me, he will ALWAYS be my little brother. The night before we left, we all went out to a Chinese Buffet. I sat beside Troy, as I always do. And somehow, that evening I was able to mess about and laugh like I wasn't moving to the other side of the world. Even the next day at the airport, we joked around, stuffing our faces with chocolate cake and chasing each other around Starbucks, and I was happy. As soon as I walked around the corner and out of sight, I burst into tears. I wouldn't see my daddy, or Alexandria, or my Grandparents, or my aunties and uncles, and Troy and my friends, for at least another two years. Some of my friends I'll never see again. Speaking of my friends, they threw a surprise sleepover for me, at my friend, Lauren's house. Yes, we're best friends and have the same name :) Her mum made a cake, and oh my god it was amazing. When you cut into it, there were seven layers of colour. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and pink! And she also put up with SEVEN TEENAGE GIRLS in her house, and ordered us pizza, bought sweets and stuff for us. The next morning me and Chloe played the chubby bunny marshmallow game! That was our breakfast. I slept on the floor, and got about two hours sleep, but it was the best night of my life.
And now, I'm in Australia. I used to be so talkative to the point where I was annoying. I used to run around the school joining in other peoples conversations that I didn't even know. One time, a girl said to her friend "You are so wierd!" she wasn't talking to me, but I said "I know I am."
And now I'm in Sydney, that's all gone. It's like I'm looking back at another persons life. I rarely open my mouth anymore, sometimes I get a little insecure about my accent. I'm at a mixed school, with several different races, whereas my old school was all girls and 99% Northern Irish. Seriously, there were two Japanese girls, one black girl, and one English. The rest were from Northern Ireland.
My Chemical Romance has gave me someone to look up to. Mikey and Gerard's relationship as brothers has made me to try to be nice to my sisters. Although I just can't seem to be as close to them as I am to Troy. But I'm trying and that's what counts. My Chemical Romance have inspired me as musicians. I play bass, and I have a second hand drum kit. It's badly damaged, the snare drum skin has just committed suicide or something, poor thing. And the hi hat seems a little upset. Bass drum is hanging in there though. My Chemical Romance has gave me some of my friends, who I would be lost without. One of them I already knew from Primary School, and I met some other people through her.
When I'm older, I want to be a musician. I'm determined to be in a band. Fame isn't really attracting me. But if I do get famous, then I'll be able to meet My Chemical Romance, possibly even TOUR with them if I'm extremely lucky. But I'll have to practise. And never give up. When I feel upset, I listen to music, or watch videos of concerts. Especially MCR and MSI. I look at Lindsey, and I think, 'I want to be just like her.' To me, LynZ is perfect in every way. Every girl should look up to her, not photoshopped models in magazines and Nicki Minaj.
My Chem has given me something to look forward to, and steered my life in the right direction. I think now, I'm a completely different person than I would have been at this point if I had never listened to MCR. So thank you. Recently I've been having urges to Self Harm again. I did once, but it made me feel like I had betrayed you. It was a horrible feeling. I don't think I'll self harm any time soon. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I think that with your help, I'll be able to gain some of that light back. I'm sorry for rambling.
So Long and Goodnight,