I felt a cold breeze on my bare leg which made me shiver. So I grabbed the blanket and covered myself. It was difficult to stretch because I was in someone's arms. A smile spreads across my face and I hug his arms tighter to my waist. I open my eyes. It's still a bit dark. I turn around to face Harry and plant a kiss on his neck. When he feels my kiss he grabs my chin and kisses me.
I dont know what happened last night but I don't remember staying over at Harry's and get feisty. I open my eyes and when I don't see the blonde hair but a pair of hazel eyes looking back at me with a smile, I freak.
"oh my god." I say sitting up on the edge of the bed. I look around and don't recognize the room. It isn't mine nor is it Harry's.
Then it hits me, remembering last nights events. I slept with Gerard. I freeze when a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind and I feel kisses on my neck.
"what's wrong Eddie?"
"no no no.." I repeat and get out of his arms. I'm standing naked in front of him feeling very embarrassed.
"no Gerard, no." I feel like crying and my eyes swell up as I pick up my cloths and change.
"Edith, what's going on?" he gets out of bed and slips his briefs on.
"I have to go."
"no, wait.. What's wrong?" I stop in the middle of the pathway as he grabs my hand. I can't look at him. I lower my watery eyes and he grabs my chin to look at him.
"can you please stay a little longer?"
"no Gerard, you don't understand.."
"that's right I don't. So tell me so I'll understand." he pulls me into a hug and I cry on his shoulder. He kisses my neck and brings down my sleeve from my shoulder and kisses my neck down to my shoulder.
"no Gee, please..." I push him away and wipe my tears. He stares at me with a worried look and I can't help but feel bad for him and for Harry. And I hate myself for eternity.
"I have a boyfriend." I say shamefully. He lets go of my hand and backs away.
"what.." he's hurt. I can see it right through him and his eyes swell up with tears.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." I slip my sleeve back up and get out of the house. I close the door and start walking down he hall. I hear the door open again. I don't turn around but I don't hear my name being called. Then I hear the door close again.
I walk back to my room and sit down where she was laying. I touch the mattress gently and remember that she was just here with me. Now.. She's gone... And not mine. Tears run down my cheeks. I grab the sheets into my fist and pull it out with force throwing it at the ground. I throw everything around. My blankets, sheets, pillows, clothes and also grab the picture frame of us and throw at the wall. I grunt, screaming my voice out and lose it. Angry at myself, I punch the wall hard and slide down on my butt crying in my knees.
"how could I have been so stupid.." I punch my knees and grip them grunting. My face turns red with fury. I dont know what to do anymore. I thought I had won her back. But no... She cheated on her boyfriend. This time, it's the real thing. And it's my fault. I provoked her. Why did I do something that I thought she did to me? How would her boyfriend feel? I'm such a douche. I let my emotions go without thinking.
I wonder what this meant to her. It sure meant a lot to me but now I feel guilty. I love you too. With all my heart. Did she mean that? Did she really?...
I thought we were going back together. Forget that past and live life together till we die.
But no... We did a humongous mistake. Something forbidden. What wasn't suppose to happen...
Moments later, Vicky comes in and gasps at what mess I have created. She looks around and finds me crying on the ground.
"what happened?!" she questions worriedly.
"a mistake." I lift my head and she wipes my tears. She embraces me in a warm hug and strokes my hair as I babble on her shoulder.
"did Edith hurt you?"
"yes, and not only did she hurt me.."
"what do you mean.."
"she has a boyfriend Vicky... A boyfriend. She cheated on him!" she gasps and covers her mouth letting go of me.
"I provoked her! It's all my fault!" I scream.
"Gerard no, don't blame yourself okay? It happened out of emotion so it was also her fault. You guys just missed each other dearly.."
"no! She probably missed me but she doesn't love me! She has a boyfriend!"
"she might have a boyfriend but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. You had girlfriends but you still loved Edith.."
"yeah... But still... I dont know what to think.."
"just believe me okay? Everyone makes mistakes. But that doesn't mean you guys don't love each other." she hugs me again.
Maybe she's right.. But that doesn't mean what we did was okay. It was a mistake we're going to have to pay sooner or later...
I drove back fast to my destination. Tears ran down my eyes as I drove. I don't plan on going home. I don't want to be alone. I need someone with me. I need Harry.
I arrive at his house 15 minutes later. His car is in the drive way, meaning he's home. So I park my car and go knock in his door.
He opened seconds later in his pj's and I throw myself on him, sobbing in his chest. He hugs me gently before pulling me inside and closing the door.
"shh, it's okay. Don't cry." he said to me. He half carried me over to the couch and I sat on his lap burring my face in his neck. He leant back on the couch and embraced me without speaking.
"I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry."
"What happened? Why are you saying sorry?"
"what did you do?" he pulls away and looks at me worriedly. I look back at him with a sweaty face and tears running down my cheeks. I can't speak. I'm too choked up and I can't stop panting. My heart aches and I feel like I might throw up. I scream again and cover my face in his neck.
"Eddie.. Come on."
"don't call me Eddie please!"
"okay I won't but.. Edith."
I don't speak again and he doesn't either. I feel him pick me up from my knees and carries me bridal style up the stairs into his bedroom. He places me gently on the bed and lays next to me wrapping an arm around me pulling me close. He turns on his iPod player and soothing classical music fills the room. It calms me down and I imagine myself on my pointe shoes dancing along with Harry. As he keeps me in his arms and hums silently to the music, I realize something. His soft touch on my arm and his gentle voice telling me to calm down and everything will be okay makes me feel safe in his arms. He's such a sweet guy. I don't deserve him. I stop babbling but cry silently as I remember last nights events. I regret it with all my heart. I cheated on Harry. He doesn't deserve that. He's a good guy. I made a mistake I can't ever take back. I let myself go and be seduced by Gerard. It felt right at the moment; I longed his touch. I loved him. And now, I feel like it was a mistake. I don't feel it, I know it. I never want to see Gerard again. I don't love him. I hate him. It's all his fault! I hate myself too and I feel guilty to be in Harry's arms. But it feels so right.. He makes everything feel better.. I will never forgive myself. And no one will ever find out about this. Never...
I awake sweating and panting again. I open my eyes in a quick second and find myself alone in Harry's room squeezing his blanket. Last nights events were taunting me in my sleep. I get up and go in the restroom.
I look at myself in the mirror in disgust. I gag and go in the shower to rub off all the slobber and touch left from Gerard. I cry in the shower as I scrub hard everywhere and soak up everything with water and soap. I get out and look into the mirror. I have red marks everywhere. I scrubbed too hard and I'm bleeding a little from my stomach. I grab a towel and get out of this steaming restroom and into a cold calming room. Harry comes up and stares at me relieved.
"uhh, I heard the shower and I was wondering if you were up." I half smile and walk to the bed.
"I made breakfast for you. Even though it's past noon."
"thanks." I hardly speak. He walks towards me sitting down on the bed next to me. He hugs me and I hug him back.
"thank you. Harry, you've been so sweet to me" I tell him looking into those deep blue eyes.
"anytime honey, anytime." he kisses my lips gently and I quiver. Scared to feel his touch and scared he will notice I've kissed someone else.
"are you okay now?" he asks.
"a little. I still feel sick."
"oh from yesterday? It's okay."
"what?!" I yell opening my eyes wide. Could he have possibly noticed?!
"you told me you weren't feeling well remember?"
"ohh... Right.. Yeah, I think I still have the headache." I feel horrible lying to him.
"want some aspirin?"
"come on." he grabs my hand and takes me downstairs.
"wait, do you have a robe I can borrow?"
"yeah, in the restroom."
"okay, I'll be right down."
I walk back down in his robe and he already has the table ready for me.
"thank you so much Harry." I sit down and start to eat the delicious banana pancakes.
"I cannot thank you enough Harry. You have been like, an angel sent from heaven to me. I don't deserve you." he reaches across the table and caresses my hand.
"don't say that Hailey.."
"no I'm serious... I really don't."
"well if you want to say that, I'll respect it but I won't agree with you. That's a ridiculous thing to say."
No it isn't.
"it's just that, you've been great to me all this time. What have I been to you?" A lying whore that deserves to die.
"you've been the greatest girlfriend anyone can have."
"by being your own self. You give me a care that you can't imagine how special you make me feel."
"do I really?"
"yes you do. That's why I really like you.."
"thank you Harry. That means a lot to me right now." I feel a tear pour out and he smiles so sweetly it makes my heart burn. I really don't deserve him.
"Gerard please, you've got to stop."
"no, I can't!"
"Gerard, it's no use! You're only hurting yourself." Gerard has been drinking all afternoon. He left early in the morning telling me he was going to visit Frank. Now I know he was lying because he came back home drunk. I'm just glad he knew how to get back home.
And now, he won't stop throwing a rampage and asking me to buy him liquor. I hid all the beers and pills and liquor I found in the house so he won't drink himself to death. He ran in his room and came back out with a bottle of vodka. Luckily, I was quick enough and snatched it from him.
"give it to me!"
"no!" he started chasing me around the house and eventually chased me out the house.
"no!" I run back in the house and he pulls me, making me fall to the ground. I hit my head against the ground and the bottle of vodka brakes and I feel the pieces pierce my flesh and everything goes black.
I watched her fall. She fell on the ground like if she pushed her self or she hit an invisible wall. I just pulled her, that's all. I examined her with my tired eyes. I knelt down and when I touched her head and felt wetness, I freaked. My hand was covered in blood. I finally realized the bottle stabbed her. She's unconscious in my arms and it's my fault. Again.
"oh god oh god oh god." I picked her up and carried her inside forgetting about the blood and shattered glass in the hallway. If the manager sees this, He's going to think I murdered someone. I laid her down on my bed over a towel so she won't bleed all over anything else.
I dont know what to do. She's hurt! Do I call the cops?! I can't, I don't want to go to jail. I need something... Then it hit me.
I ran out of the house and went two flights up. I knocked on the apartment number 311 and a women in her mid 30's opens the door.
"Gloria! You've got to help me!"
"are you drunk again?" she questions worriedly.
"I think.. I dont know. That's not the problem though, Vicky's hurt!"
"oh god, what happened?"
"I'll explain later but hurry!"
"okay hold on, let me get my kit." she ran back in her house and came out with a big emergency kit. Gloria is a nurse at some.. Hospital here in New York that I can't remember the name of.
We ran into my apartment and into my room where Vicky is laid at. She takes a deep breath before examining her and tells me to step back. She picks up Vicky gently and the towel is stained with blood. Her whole back and head is full of blood. Oh God, I killed her, I killed her!
Gloria examines her head. She removes Vicky's hair from the area and then examines her back.
"so it isn't her head that's bleeding. It's her back. She's cut all over and there's a big glass piece stuck inside her. She might have hurt her lung."
"oh man, is she going to be okay?!"
"yeah, the cut isn't too deep. Let's just hope it didnt get her lung. She's unconscious right now. Now tell me, how in the hell did this happen Gerard?" she sets Vicky back down gently and scowls at me.
"well, we were arguing because I'm drunk and she took a bottle of vodka away from me. Angrily, I chased her out of the house and she was running back inside when I pulled her and she fell and the bottle of vodka shattered and then I saw her bleeding and thought I killed her. I was drunk. I think the impact made me react."
"Gerard, I should brake a bottle of vodka on you. You could've killed her!"
"I know.. I'm sorry.."
"I'm not the one that needs the apology."
"listen Gerard," she steps closer to me and uses a sympathetic voice, "you gotta stop drinking. It's doing you wrong."
"I know, but I can't help it. Life is too jacked up y'know?"
"who said life was easy? Use your time on something else. Don't you go to art school? Draw when things aren't okay. Sing when things aren't okay. Aren't you in a band? Use what you have Gerard to relief your stress. Drinking isn't the solution."
"you're right, I have to stop. I'm not only hurting myself but the others as well."
"you see.." we heard an agonizing moan coming from Vicky.
"let's get her to a hospital." Gloria says and dials 911 on her cell. I walk over to Vicky and look at her with tears wanting to slip out of my eyes.
"I'm sorry." I say and a tear falls on her neck. She opens her eyes and groans again.
"it's... Okay.." she says and groans. She closes her eyes and furrows her eyebrows.
"I'm... I'm.. In so much.. Pain."
"I know, stop talking. It'll feel better. We're going to get you to a hospital... I'm sorry Vicky.." she doesn't reply but keeps groaning.
"they're on their way" Gloria says and I feel relieved.
Something else that's my fault. Great. I could've killed my best friend. How could I.. I hate myself. I'm a total different person when I'm drunk. Two mistakes in less than 24hrs, I must be going insane..