I leaned against the wall of the shower, staring at my cuts as the hot water stream collides into my skin, releasing tension. I close my eyes, one hand clasping my wrist with the fresh cuts, as the hot steam envelopes my body. The warm droplets of water got hotter and hotter as they got more intense; causing more steam. I stood there without any movement at all. I didn’t want to get out because I knew that as soon as I stepped out of this shower I’d have to face real life.
But I also knew that if I stayed in here for too long my mother would get shitty at me, so, with a loud sigh, I turned the water off and stepped out.
After I had dressed myself, and put a new bandage on the gash on my leg that was still in the process of healing, I seemed to stand there with my hand on the door handle and just stare at it.
I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to go out there. Into the real world. I wanted to stay in here, in my the shower and just sit in silence while I think. Just loose myself in my own little world again. But I knew that I would have to leave. Leave my own world for the cold, cruel world that’s actually out there. The world full of crushed hopes.
With one quick movement, I pulled the door open door and checked to make sure there was no one in the hall. I just didn’t want any social interaction now. Not even with my own mother. I’ve had enough for one day. Especially after earlier.
Quietly, I walked across the hall and into my room, shutting and locking my bedroom door behind me. I took a deep breath and silently walked over to my bed, staring at my window.
The rain patted softly against its glass surface as I sat staring out at the grey sky, watching as a mauve colour lightning bolt danced across it freely. I silently, I stood up and placed my hand on the foggy window and let the damp condensation hit my fingers.
You know, for once, just once, I would like to meet someone who’s got it worse off than myself. Maybe then I could feel like the big and tuff one; I wouldn’t be so small then - Well, in height I would, but you know what I mean. I think that it would kinda make me feel better about myself if I knew that somebody had it worse than me; in a non-mean way that is.
I sighed heavily and pulled my hand away from the window, taking one last look at the rain as it fell from the clouds as if they were crying before I turned away and mopily walked over to my bed and plunked my body down onto it.
I need to stop doing this to myself; making myself so depressed. But I can’t stop. I’m never going to be truly happy anyway, and I’m never going to do anything good with my life. I’m a failure; a dud. Just another Iero boy.
Sighing, I turned my head away from the ceiling so that I could look down to the cut from earlier on my arm. The cut was raw and still slightly bleeding, but it wasn’t as bad as it was before.
Soon enough that cut will turn into a scar and that scar will just remind me of this night in the years to come.
It will just remind me how much I hate myself and how worthless I am.
Every day. Every time I look at it. Anytime and anywhere.
A/n: Omg. This chapter was really short ;-; sorry guys.