I hear the door slam down stairs and hear running up the stairs. Arianna is home. I literally count down 3….2….1.. and she is in my room, standing in the door way looking furious. I don’t know if she is mad at me or mad at Gerard or both. I just stare at her. She just stands there glairing.
“What the fuck was that?!” She yells.
“What was what?” I ask innocently.
“You slapping Gerard!”-Arianna
“He Deserved it” –Me
“Deserved it? Well…he kinda did but still Johanna! You should have seen how mad he was! “-Arianna
“Does it look like I care?” I say giving her a straight look.
“He fucking threw a chair against the wall, and started yelling very obscene things. “ Arianna says more calmly and sits next to me on the bed.
“ Your point? He called ME a fucking whore! Me?! Of all people! I have only ever been with 3 people sexually!” I say angrily.
“Wait…3? You only told me about 2……that means…” She stays quiet for a while and then looks up at my with a look of shock. “You slept with him?!”
“Yes Arianna, he was my first okay?! Now drop it!” I demand.
“Okay…wow….um…wow….” She lets out a sigh and looks around the room.
“I made a huge mistake?” I say putting my face into my hands.
“I’d say you 1. Had sex with a super hot rock star 2. You broke that rock stars hear and 3. You slapped him” She says in a sarcastic tone. I glare at her.
“No not that, those weren’t mistakes any way! The point is, I promised Ray that if I could go to their concert tonight and not feel one thing for him, not one ounce of love then he would convince Gerard to stop looking for me. And I invited Ken to come to all of this” I shake my head and look back up at her. She nods .
“I don’t understand how it is stupid, I mean it is just a concert, go and he will leave you alone”
“You don’t understand Arianna! I fell in love with him at a concert, he played a song to me. He…just the chemistry between us…I….I don’t know if I can go and not feel something again” I let a few tears come out of my eyes but quickly wipe them away. Arianna puts her arm around me and I put my head into her shoulder.
“Hey babe, don’t worry. You’ll be fine. What is meant to be will happen, I believe in you. But hey on the bright side I am going to make you look so hot though!” She springs off of the bed and runs to my closet and starts flipping through clothes.
“Really?! Is like 99% of your wardrobe scrubs and sweat pants?!” She exclaims. I look at her and shrug.
“I don’t go out much” I say
“Obviously, looks like you’re going to have to borrow some of my stuff” She say slamming the closet door shut and walking towards the door.
“But it will be way too tight on me!” I yell after her. She peaks her head into the door way and gives me a smile.
“That’s the point my dear” and she walks out. I roll my eyes and get ready for what she is going to do to me.
2 ½ hours later and I am finally done with Arianna’s “make over” she hasn’t even let me look into a mirror, I have no idea what I look like. All I know is that the outfit I am wearing is way too tight and I am uncomfortable in it. She finished putting some blush on my cheeks then steps away and looks at me. She makes a kissing noise and says.
“Wah Lah! Perfecto!” I roll my eyes and stand up. She points me in the direction of the full body mirror and when I stand in front of it I gasp. She has made me look completely different. My hair is down in spiral curls, with some of it pinned up, I am wearing a tight black shirt that is only long enough to cover my belly button, a pair of capris, and some black vans. My eyes are covered in black eyeliner, black eyes shadow, and black mascara. I haven’t seen this me in a long time. I smile and look at Arianna who has a huge grin on her face. I go over and give her a hug.
“He is going to be drooling over you tonight” She says into my ear.
“Who Ken? Or Gerard?” I ask.
“Both babe. Just remember, be yourself, don’t hold back any feelings okay? Let whats going to happen happen. And if you get to your drinking point please just pick up the phone and I’ll be there okay? I love you” She squeezes me and lets me go. I hear the doorbell ring down stairs. It’s Ken. I smile.
“Here we go!” I say. I grab my purse and head down the stairs. Pickles has gathered up enough energy to bark at the door. I grab him by his collar and open the door.
Ken is standing there in a pair of very nice fitting jeans and a white t-shirt. This is the first time I have ever seen him in street clothes…and I like it. My jaw is nearly on the floor up when I look up to meet his face I realize he is looking at me with the same expression. I blush and make room for him to come into the door.
“You look…amazing” he says looking me up and down. I shrug.
“It is nothing really” I say smiling up at Arianna who is standing at the top of the stairs. Ken laughs.
“You ready to go?” He says showing me his pearly whites. I nod and we head out the door for the evening.
We arrive at the concert hall about 15 minutes before the concert starts. I walk up to the ticket booth and there is a teenage girl who is running it. I go up to the window and she smiles at me.
“What can I do for you? “ She asks nicely.
“I have 2 tickets to pick up, Ray Torro said they would be here. It should be under the name Johanna Retorio” I say kindly back. She gives me a blank stare and then looks behind me at Ken and he jaw drops too. I clear my throat and she looks back to me.
“Oh right, let me look here” she turns to the computer in front of her and types some things in.
“Okay here, you go” she says handing me the tickets under the glass. I smile and look at the tickets.
“Im sorry, but can I say something?” she asks. I look back her and nod.
“Your boyfriend is, really hot. You’re so lucky” she says giddly. I nod.
“He isn’t really my boyfriend…yet but thank you” I say walking away from the window. As I walk towards Ken, I realize how handsome he really is, outside of his business attire, and the more I look the more I realize all the girls staring at him.
“Here ya go!” I say handing him his ticket. He smiles at me and gives me a kiss on the head.
“Thanks, now lets get in there” He takes my hand and walks me into the building.
The building isn’t that big. There are some seats up high on a balcony type thing, and the bottom is all open floor, about the size of 2 basketball courts. It is crammed with kids all wearing My Chem merch. I feel my chest getting tight with anxiety, but I take a deep breath in try to calm myself down. We get down on the floor and get crunched together with a pile of other people. I feel Ken wrap his arm around me. I smile and press myself more into him. The lights dim and the crowd starts screaming. I see figures walking around on stage. My heart is beating so fast I think it might pop out of my chest. The lights come back on, and I sigh. It is just the opening band.
I have to move to the front. I put my hand on Kens and start jumping up and down with the crowd, he mimics me and we start to make our way up to the front. I push through some people who don’t say very nice things, but I am used to it by now. Finally after 5 or so song and as the band is leaving the stage we are up at the front. I hear Ken breathing heavily behind me, I look over my shoulder at him. The light just hits his face just right, because damn he looks super hot right now, hopefully enough to make Gerard give up. Ken looks down at me and smiles and speaks into my ear.
“Wow you sure do know your away around a crowd! Another thing I can add to my list”
“What list?” I ask back
“Things I really like about you” he says back. I feel myself blush. The lights go out again and the crowd really starts screaming. I know that this time My Chem is coming on. I take another deep breath and close my eyes. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Just prove Ray wrong! Prove them wrong! The guitars start up and the crowd screams louder, even Ken joins in. I stay quiet not wanting to open my eyes, then he starts to sing and I lose it.
Hearing his singing voice live again is something unbelievable, something deep down inside of me comes alive again, I can’t quite tell what it is. But if I just get this feeling from hearing his singing voice I can’t imagine what it will be like if I make eye contact with him, so I keep my eyes closed. He plays about 3 songs before he finally speaks to the crowd.
“Colorado! How the fuck are you?!” The crowd screams back, including Ken again, I remain silent.
“Well I’ve hope you all have had a better fucking day than I have. But being out here makes it all worth it! This next song is dedicated to a person that made today suck” I gulp and I know he means me. They start playing I’m Not okay. I my body tenses up, and I can tell the crowd around me is jumping up and down including Ken, but I stay still, just listening to his harmful words. There is a pause and the crowd Is screaming.
“Hey are you okay? You’re not jumping up and down or anything? And are your eyes closed?” Ken says into my ear. I turn around and look at him.
“Yeah I’m fine” I say
“Well open your eyes then” he says. I just nod. I turn towards the stage and close my eyes again. I can do this! I take a deep breath and open my eyes. The stage is dark, and there are the sounds of guitars being tuned. They are just getting ready for the next song. I look around abut all I see are shadowy figures walking across the stage, the lights come on and they play the next song. I look to find Ray first not even looking at Gerard. Ray is strumming away on his guitar and banging his head. How am I suppose to let him know I am here. And as if he can read my thoughts he looks up into the crowd and sees me and smiles. I smile back, he then moves his head in a pointing direction towards Gerard. I shake my head no, but he keeps doing it with a stern look on his face, and I know I have to face my fear. I look away from Ray and look at Gerard.
He is standing right in the middle of the stage singing into the microphone, he is wearing a black suit with a red tie and he is wearing bright red eye shadow with lots of eyeliner. He looks good, he has lost a lot of weight too. My heart stops and my mouth goes dry. I keep staring at him, he hasn’t looked my way yet, we haven’t made eye contact, but he is gorgeous.
Gerard walks across the stage towards me, I can feel my heart beating harder in my chest, this is it, the moment of truth. He is standing right in front of my singing and jumping up and down, but not once does he look at me. Maybe I’ll get away with not having to look at him.
The song ends and Gerard goes to the center of the stage, still not looking at me. He looks over to Ray and Mikey then the next song start to play. It is from their old Album, Vampires Will never Hurt you, and without even realizing it I start singing along. It has been 3 years but I remember all the words. Gerard is about to get into the screamo part of the song when it happens. Our eyes meet, and it is game over.