Getting to know Taylor is all Mikey wanted.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Gerard stormed in to the bedroom after me, slamming the door behind us. “You were kind of a bitch down there.”
“You’re right.” I shook my head, “I’m sorry. I’m just fucking tired.” I was having a semi- nice conversation with Frank and Gerard downstairs when Gerard got on my nerves, by saying something about Mikey and Lauren. I snapped. I can’t even remember what I said. I was just so angry with the change of plans, and even angrier with my own denial. I knew I was starting to like Mikey in an unprofessional way but I couldn’t figure out why. What made this time different?
“No, you’re not.” Gerard rolled his eyes. “Spill. I know you’re a lot more controlled than that Taylor. I’ve read all your reviews. You never lose your temper, but you just did. Why’d you snap at me like that?”
I was about to speak- but it was just going to be another well spun lie. I had no honesty left to give. The lies here were overwhelming, even for me, because the guilt I’d been holding back for years was starting to surface. Mikey made me feel like a bad person because he was such a good person and I just didn’t get it. I just didn’t understand. What made him so different? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t that girl. I was different. I was stronger, more focused. I wasn’t stupid, not like this… but now I was. Someone was knocking on the door and Gerard gave up the argument to answer. “Oh, Mikes. What’s up?”
“I just need to talk to Taylor, if you don’t mind.” Mikey answered.
I froze, waiting. What did Mikey want?
“Wait a second and I’ll go get her.” Gerard said, before closing the door. “It’s Mikey, but I’m sure you already knew that. What’d you do to him?” He chuckled. “He looks all love-struck. You’re a miracle worker. Anyway, whatever you’re doing keep it up. I’m going out to a bar with Frank tonight and we are leaving today. It’s a few hours away. Call me if there are any problems.” Just like that he forgot we had even been arguing, but I didn’t blame him. It’s not like this was a real relationship. I could honestly say that I felt nothing for Gerard, and the fact that he was gay just made this all so much easier.
“Have fun.” I answered, smoothing my expression in to something unreadable. “Don’t get too drunk though, because though I’m a bit of a miracle worker… I can’t fix things that have already happened.”
Gerard laughed, “Noted. See you tomorrow babe.” With that he left, leaving the door open. Mikey quietly walked in, shutting the door behind him.
Neither of us spoke at first but then Mikey broke the silence. “I owe you an apology.”
“You don’t.” I assured him.
“I do.” Mikey insisted. “Look, I had no right to say that to you. You weren’t just a distraction and you- you don’t deserve to be pushed around. I shouldn’t have… fuck, I was just such an asshole and I’m really sorry.” He shook his head, as if at a loss for words.
He didn’t understand that I was the one that was supposed to be apologizing. This was how things worked though because I was just a professional liar, and Mikey… he was just my /victim/. In a perfect world things wouldn’t be like this, and in a perfect world I could just walk away- and Mikey would just be fine. I knew he wouldn’t be though, not now. The way he looked at me… when I left it would hurt, even though I didn’t want it to and now there was just no way around it. I was in too deep, and Mikey had already been dragged in.
I’d already poisoned him.
“Please forgive me.” Mikey was closer now.
I gazed in to his eyes, finding myself lost. There was something inside of him that was so pure, and so beautiful. It brought out something inside of me that I hadn’t even known existed. It was something that I wanted but something I could never have- I only had it with Mikey, and the whole time I had to face the fact that everything with Mikey was a lie. I would have to let go, and soon… but not right now.
I closed the rest of the distance, attaching my lips to Mikey’s. Inside of that kiss was everything I’d forced myself to believe was fake all my life. All the emotions people shared, and all the happiness they built their relationships on… That was in our kiss, and that was in my head now because I knew with Mikey things like that could happen. With Mikey that wasn’t so fake at all. Inside of the kiss was how I felt, as the denial was pushed to the back of my mind. I just wanted him.
I needed him.
I needed to feel how he made me feel, with just one smile. As ridiculous as it sounded it was real, and I just didn’t know it until I had the chance to feel it. Now as I thought back on all my laughter towards relationships and love- I felt like the fool. I’d been laughing at something that I didn’t even understand. Just because I hadn’t felt it then didn’t mean it didn’t exist, and now I was learning that.
“Whoa, whoa.” Mikey whispered as he pulled away, breathless. “Are you sure?” That question had never meant as much as it did now.
But was I sure? This was in my contract. I was being paid for it, but I didn’t want to be paid. I just wanted this. I wanted to do something for myself- because I wanted to. I wanted Mikey right now, because Mikey actually wanted me… Or who I’d made myself appear to be.
“Yes.” I whispered, as I pushed myself against him. “Yes. Please just- just fuck me Mikey.”
“No.” Mikey stared in to my eyes with determination, which stopped me in my tracks.
“No?” Now I felt vulnerable as a million thoughts ran through my mind.
“I’m not going to just fuck you.” Mikey responded, again in a way that only he could- with words that only he could understand because ‘fucking’ I understood… but Mikey wasn’t like that, and I kept forgetting. I kept forgetting he was different, and he made me feel different. It was an entirely different world with him. “And I’m not going to do it here.”
“What?” I was still a little confused, “What are you going to do?” Please, do something. I needed him, so desperately.
Mikey leaned down and gently kissed me, “I’m going to make love to you Taylor, and I’m going to do it somewhere away from here- somewhere that you and Gerard haven’t been.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it.
Mikey chuckled, “You have to do something for me though Taylor.”
“What?” Here’s the catch, where he reveals he’d just some jerk- secretly hiding it with his amazing outer displayed personality. No one could be this perfect.
Another kiss. It was like leading me to the slaughter, and I was so willing- because I’d lost my fucking mind.
Mikey Way had to be some specially trained assassin of the heart because I’d never before felt like this and it just wasn’t natural. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He couldn’t do this to me- not without some training, and special powers. And again… I had lost my fucking mind. I was crazy. I was insane.
“I want to know you.” Mikey responded, so simply.
“You do know me.” I lied.
“No, I know things that you let me know- usually when I ask a question you dance around it or completely shut off.” Mikey pointed out. I hadn’t realized that he’d noticed. Usually no one did. “I want to actually get to know you. Let me take you out to dinner, and we’ll talk and then… then I’ll make love to you in the way that I’m dying to- and then, then I’ll back off like you want.” What a proposal.
“What if someone sees us?” He made it sound like it was going to be an obvious romantic display at the restaurant he was taking me to dinner at, or maybe I was just assuming.
“People make shit up all the time.” Mikey shrugged, “And I know a great restaurant that doesn’t allow cameras. Without proof what are they really going to say? Anyone would be a fool trying to sell that rumor off without a picture.”
“You’ve thought this through.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I did.” Mikey agreed, “And I actually consulted a website that was all about having a low-key affair without having to constantly be in the bedroom.”
“I hate that word.” I shuddered, “Affair? It makes us sound like terrible people.”
Mikey shrugged, “I’ll be terrible, if it means I get to spend some time with you.” That was actually kind of charming, in a disturbing way- but it was real, and it was our fake relationship. Fake in ways that Mikey didn’t even understand, and fake in ways that he did.
“What time do I have to be ready by?”
“We should leave in about an hour because it’s a bit of a drive, and I’d hate to miss our reservation. It’s a pretty popular place, since a lot of people like to have… what’s a word for affair, that isn’t affair?”
I laughed, “Just use the word. It’s fine Mikey. I’ll be ready in an hour. Is it low-key or fancy?” I needed to know how to dress for my… date.
Mikey grinned, “Fancy. It’ll be like a real date baby.”
I couldn’t help but smile as Mikey left the room, leaving me in a swirl of desire and deceit.
I was bad- there was nothing good about this, except for Mikey.
And I was done pretending that I didn’t want Mikey. I had to give in to my urges, but I had to make sure that I didn’t let them go past anything physical on my end. I was here for a reason, and that reason was not love.
But why not have a little fun?
Mikey wanted me, and I would give him what he wanted- for a limited time.
God, I hoped so.
Frank and Gerard had already left town to go to their favorite bar. I’d never gone along with them but they always seemed to enjoy going, alone. It was odd, but what wasn’t odd about our lives? We were pretty damn weird people. I had a feeling that everyone in this world was a little weird. That’s what made us human.
I could hear quiet music playing on the other side of Taylor’s door and for a second I just stood and listened. I ended up listening for just a little too long as she pulled the door open, startled to see me standing outside.
“Oh, um perfect timing.” She muttered, but I was far too busy taking her entire appearance in. I was pretty sure I was forgetting to breath, and soon enough I’d probably die from lack of oxygen. She was wearing a black form fitting dress that ended right above her knees- she looked like a knock out in the dress, but more impressive was the way her hair cascaded down her back. The back of the dress was open, revealing her pale, creamy skin and I just wanted to touch her. Her make- up gave her a smoky look and I was stuck on her. “Are you ready?” Taylor asked, not even picking up on the fact that my attraction to her was life threatening.
“I- yeah.” I suddenly felt lacking in my plain black suit. I wanted something better for Taylor. I wanted to blow her mind, as she was blowing mine.
“You look great.” Taylor blushed as she complimented me. “Very sexy.”
“And you…” I licked my lips, “Suddenly fucking you sounds like such a great idea. You sure know how to set a man on fire.”
Taylor chuckled, “My mama taught me well.” With that said, and a well- aimed wink she started down the hallway, and I traveled after her like a lost little puppy dog.
“You never sent me those travel articles.” I commented.
Taylor glanced over from above her menu, “I forgot. I’m sorry. I will send them- you just caught me off guard with this date and everything.” Her lips curved in to a smile as she said the word ‘date’ and it was something that I didn’t miss.
I smiled in return, “How do you like the restaurant?” The lights were dimmed, with candles in the center of each occupied table- making it a very romantic setting.
“Visually it’s so elegant.” Taylor admitted, “And the menu makes everything look so delicious. I can’t wait to eat! Are we going to do our regular?”
I grinned at the reference. It really made it feel like we had something, and I guess we did. “That was my plan.” I glanced at the menu again before setting it down, “I already have yours picked out.”
“And I too have picked yours.” Taylor responded, setting down her own menu. The waiter came quickly, proving the online reviews of the service being excellent to be correct.
“She’ll have the veggie burger, with a side salad- and a strawberry milkshake.” I placed my order for Taylor, and the waiter didn’t even blink at the odd-ness of how I’d worded it. Here, being different was okay.
Taylor smiled brightly, “He’ll have the steak burrito, with bacon added in and a chocolate shake.” I did admire the variety in their menu choices, and a steak burrito with bacon sounded delicious.
“Nice choice.” I commented as the waiter left with our menus.
“I rather liked yours as well.” Taylor admitted, “Though I’ve never had a veggie burger.”
“I’ve never had a steak burrito with bacon in it before.” I admitted, chuckling.
“It’ll be an experience.” Taylor commented.
“With you it always is.” I grinned, “So now it’s time to talk about you.”
“Or we could just talk.” Taylor teased, “You know, no pressure?”
“Do you feel pressured?”
“Nah.” Taylor shrugged, with a cute smile gracing her face. “I’m just teasing. So what do you want to know? I swear I’m really not that interesting.”
“I think you are.” I thought for a second, “Are you still close with your parents?” I always thought that showed a lot about a person. It indicted their up-bringing, and what type of person they were. Taylor was a mystery, but she was a pretty mystery.
“I’m very close with my mother.” Taylor admitted.
“And your father?”
“We have differences in opinions.” Taylor shrugged.
“What does that mean?”
“He doesn’t respect my mother, and I don’t respect him because of it.”
“Is he like abusive or something?” I wasn’t sure what to make of her answer.
Taylor shook her head, “Oh no, no way. Emotionally? Yeah, a little. Physically? No. If he was then I’d probably be in jail.” She joked.
I grinned, “So you have a very strong opinion towards domestic violence?”
Taylor cocked her head the side and an eyebrow rose, “Uh, well I’m certainly not pro-domestic violence…”
I laughed, “I’m not either.” I assured her, “But some people are stupid about it, and believe it’s not really as bad as it’s made out to be when it is. You know, the people stuck in denial. So, did your dad and you have a fallout over the disrespect or something?”
“I haven’t talked to him since my 19th birthday.” Taylor replied, “He called my mom stupid and worthless because of my brother. It was the same old argument and I was sick of hearing it, and sick of seeing what it was doing to my mom so I told him how I felt- and then I told him I’d never talk to him again, because I didn’t want someone like that in my life. It was like he blamed everything on my mom. He blamed her for our upbringing, as if he had no control over anything. He blamed her when dinner was burnt. He blamed everything on her. They just- they aren’t a happy couple.”
“So you didn’t have heart struck parents to look up to?” I thought it over, “That would kind of fuck a kid up emotionally. You had to have a pretty dim view of romance.”
Taylor looked away for a second.
“Did I hit a nerve?”
Taylor gazed at me, and again her expression was guarded and I knew- I had. I had hit a nerve. She didn’t like talking about her parents, nor her view of romance. Finally she spoke, but she didn’t answer my question. “I still frequently talk to my mother over the phone, but I haven’t seen her in quite a while. I do adore her though, and I do love my father- but things… they just aren’t so black and white Mikey. Life isn’t like that, and I may be wrong for cutting off contact but it’s what I think is right in regards to my feelings.”
“I never said there weren’t gray areas.” I nodded at her words, “But do you like… do you ever wonder why your mom doesn’t leave your dad if he makes her so unhappy?”
“I know why.” Taylor responded.
“She thinks she loves him, and she just might- but I’m not so sure that he knows how to love her back, and that’s not right- no matter how many excuses she makes for him.” And then our food arrived, and I was temporarily shut up.
“I love strawberry milkshakes.” Taylor sighed in contentment after taking a long sip from her strawberry milkshake. I took a long drink straight from my chocolate milkshake, failing to use the straw. It just seemed to be an obstacle with ice cream.
“You know what would be really fun?” I asked, gazing at Taylor with lust. She just looked so damn sexy.
“What?” Taylor inquired, relaxing now that my questioning of her family life had let up. I could tell she didn’t like talking about it but I really wanted to get to know her, she was so secretive.
“Lathering your body in chocolate syrup and whip cream and then licking every inch of you clean.” I commented, watching as Taylor’s cheeks heated.
“Mikey!” She hissed quietly, “This is so not the place to say that.” But she was grinning. “And it sounds sticky.”
“That’s why I clean you with my tongue.” I teased.
“Everywhere?” Now Taylor was teasing me, with a wink she sent a shudder through my body and all I could do was shift and try to ignore my erection.
“Everywhere.” I whispered but the word felt heavy.
“Sounds delicious.” Taylor took a bite of her burger, “And this has an after taste that a regular burger wouldn’t have but other than that it’s pretty decent.”
I chuckled and started eating my burrito, which turned out to be fantastic. The bacon seemed to ignite my taste buds, but the steak was the real treat- and it filled me up nicely.
Once I finished I rested my hand upon Taylor’s, and she smiled while drinking the rest of her strawberry shake. “You’re bad for my calorie count.” She joked, though she did not pull her hand away.
“Do you actually keep track?”
“Well, no but I do watch what I eat. Everyone should, and if they don’t now then they will later.” Taylor responded. “I don’t always eat junk but when I do I thoroughly enjoy it.”
“I love junk food.” I admitted.
“It’s a much better treat if it’s only every now and then.” Taylor commented, with a grin.
“I see the point.” I replied, stealing some of her salad. She laughed as we fought with our forks for food from the bowl.
“I like to work it the other way around. Healthy food is so much better in small doses.” That just made her laugh at me, but the laugh was cute… and it just made me so much more excited for dinner to be over. I was more than ready to be with her, in the way that I’d promised.
Once in the car Taylor smiled brightly at me, “It was weird kissing you in public but… oddly freeing.” It had been nice.
“I told you I wanted to. You should have known I’d find a way.”
Taylor laughed, “I’m impressed. Where to next?”
“It’s a surprise.” I answered, but with a wink I informed her of my plan. “But I do plan on making love to you. It’s been torture waiting all through dinner; I can barely wait to make it to our destination.”