“Gerard? Is something wrong?”
“I really don’t want to do this over the phone... Can I meet you at your place?” Again his voice was racked with sobs. I felt terrible. I had no idea what was bothering him, but all I wanted was to make him feel better. The thoughts of Gerard upset is worse than being upset with Mikey.
Gerard just always seemed so strong, like nothing could ever bring him down. This was a side of him that I had never seen before. I nodded into the phone, even though I knew he couldn’t see, “Yeah, I’ll see you when you get here.”
Gerard hung up and I hurried to my door, unlocking it. I could hear my mom humming in the kitchen, probably making something for dinner. I really hoped she wouldn’t mind Gerard coming over. Rushing out of my room, I made it to the front door. I stepped outside and leaned against the porch railing, waiting for Gerard to get here.
About five minutes later Gerard pulled into the driveway and parked his car. As soon as I saw him, my heart exploded into a million pieces. I had never seen anyone look so miserable, so broken, before. Just as he made it onto the front porch, I hugged him tightly. I never wanted to let go.
Gerard suddenly pulled away from me and ran a hand through his hair, “I’m really sorry about this... I was just really upset, and then you called.” He paused, looking down at our feet, “I just really needed to talk to someone.”
I nodded and led him into the house. Once we were in my bedroom, we sat down on my bed and I turned to face Gerard. “So, what happened?”
He took a deep breath, before a small smile formed, “You know, this is actually kind of funny.” I just looked at him confused, waiting for him to continue, “Because you’re mom is a psychiatrist?”
I just laughed. He was right. It was kind of funny that he would be coming here to talk to me because that’s what my mom does for a living.
“Anyway,” the smile suddenly faded, and turned into a frown. It seemed like he was about ready to cry. “I started dating this guy a while back. We’ve been dating on and off for a long time, but now we’re back together again.” He ran a hand through his hair again. “I don’t know, he’s always been so sweet and nice. Now, I don’t know what happened to him. It’s like after the last time we broke up, he changed. He started drinking, and I think he’s doing drugs.”
“And you went back to him?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Never in a million years did I think Gerard would be stupid enough to date someone like that.
He shook his head, fresh tears falling from his eyes. “No, I’m stupid. When he came back around, like I said, he was different. He wasn’t sweet and nice anymore. He forced me to go back to him...”
“What do you mean, he forced you?” I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew what alcoholics were like from personal experience.
“He said if I didn’t, he would kill me.” He paused, looking me in the eyes, “And I believed him, Frank. He was terrifying. I couldn’t say no.”
I just nodded. “So, what happened?” God, I sounded like my mother during one of her sessions.
“Well, I was over at his house, and he was drunk. We started fighting. I told him that either he got clean or I would leave him.” He paused, running his hand through his hair yet again. I was starting to think this was one of his nervous habits. It was actually kind of cute. No, I love Mikey. We’re getting married, I shouldn’t think like that about his brother.
“He attacked me. To be honest, I really don’t know how I got out of there. I was sure he was going to kill me.”
All I could do was look at him. Here was Gerard, the one person who never took anyone’s shit, the one person I thought was strong. He was just as broken as the rest of us.
All of a sudden, Gerard pulled off his t-shirt with a groan. At first, I didn’t know what to expect but then I saw all the cuts and bruises on his torso. I looked up into his eyes, horror washing over me. I couldn’t believe someone could hurt Gerard like that.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Gently, I placed one of my hands on his chest. He winced at the touch, but just shrugged.
“I’ll be fine. Nothing’s broken, I don’t think.” As soon as he was done talking, my senses started picking up everything.
I could smell alcohol and something else on Gerard, but it was mixed with something else. Something sweet, like butterscotch. His jeans were hanging loosely around his hips. His hair was long, almost completely covering his eyes. His amazing hazel eyes. I could get lost in those eyes...
Then I realized I was still sitting there touching his bare chest. He was looking down at me, the same way I was just looking at him. This couldn’t be happening. I loved Mikey... right?
Next thing I knew, for the second time in the past few days, Gerard’s lips were pressed hard against mine. His hands rested on either side of my face, holding me in place, while my hands travelled up to his shoulders.
This kiss was just as amazing as the first one. It managed to wipe Mikey completely out of my mind. Hell, it was like no one existed but Gerard and me.
Time seemed to stop as the kiss continued. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care. How could something this wrong feel so right?
Suddenly, I heard him moan against my lips. It just sent shivers down my spine, making me want more. I pressed my lips harder against his, craving his touch. Slowly, my hands made their way up to the back of his neck. I pulled him closer to me, and started to play with his hair. I could feel Gerard's hands grip my.hips tighter. It would probably leave a bruise but that was the last thing on my mind.
All of a sudden, Gerard broke the kiss. He was panting heavily, like he had just finished a marathon. It wasn't until that moment that I realized what we had just done... again. I couldn't believe I could betray Mikey like that.
Beside me Gerard ran his hand through his hair once more. There were so many emotions running across his face that I couldn't make any out. He sighed, "I really shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."
I had no idea, so I just continued to sit there in silence. I had never been more confused in my whole life. I loved Mikey, but when I was around Gerard he made me feel... something.
Gerard slowly stood up, nodding at my silence. "Yeah, I should probably go."
As he left the room, I couldn't help but feel like a piece of me left with him. It really was a miserable feeling.