Sometimes, watching the snow fall brings back memories... Sometimes, watching the snow fall brings back much more...
[disclaimer:] I don't own Gundam Wing, this story is purely for entertainment.
[warnings:] character death, light cussing
[a/n:] This was written a LONG time ago, so please don't get very mad if it isn't perfect. Anyways, what would be the fun in that? But, if you do feel that the story wasn't good, then two words: constructive criticism.
Duo sat on the window seat in their house, watching the snow fall. He sighed, and leaned his forehead against the glass. It felt nice on his hot, clammy skin. He hated being sick. It made him feel weak, which was something he didn't like under any circumstances. He wanted to go out, so he could play with Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. They were having a snowball fight, one that Quatre had forced them to play. At first, they had protested, but Quatre and his "innocent" smile had crumbled them like dry dirt.
He thought of Heero. Heero would never have relented, even with that smile. Duo was the only one who could make him do something he didn't like.
And now, even he couldn't do that...
Duo ruthlessly pushed the thought away, and went back to watch the others play. 'We never got a chance to do that before...'
He got up from the seat and padded down to the kitchen. He needed something to drink. He was only dressed in a long t-shirt, which he hadn't even been able to look at until today. When the others had seen it on him this morning, they had all turned their heads away. Quatre had smiled first. Duo poured some water into a glass and gulped it down.
Baka, don't drink that too fast, you'll make yourself sicker.
Duo spun around, but nobody was there. Of course. 'He's not here. He'll never be here!' Duo threw the glass at the wall, and watched it shatter into little pieces. He had felt like that, and still did. 'Won't it ever end? He's gone, he won't come back!' But no matter what happened, it never seemed to register. His mind still found ways to remind him of him everyday. It was four months now, but it was still fresh. Duo turned away from the broken glass, as if it helped to turn away Heero. He knew it was useless.
He went back to his seat at the window, and watched as Quatre tackled Trowa, and then kissed him. Wufei threw his hands in the air and rolled his eyes. Duo smiled. Then he coughed, a wracking cough that made him double up and clutch his chest. He'd been sick for a week now. None of the doctors could figure out what was wrong, only that he wasn't getting better. At times, Duo was glad. Maybe he could die, and have all his pain taken away. Maybe he could stop thinking about the one person who had managed to hurt him in a way that never ceased. His body bent over in another cough, this one bigger then the other. Duo took his hand from his mouth to see blood splotched on it. He stared at the bright red droplets, the same crimson as his shirt.
'Damn. I really am dying. I don't know how I feel about that. Maybe I should call the others in. I don't know how long I have left, I should say goodbye when I have the chance.' But he didn't bother to get up, just wiped his hand on the shirt and went back to watching the others. Quatre had gotten off of Trowa, and the snowball fight was going full swing. Duo fell off the seat as another cough wracked his body, upsetting his balance on the chair. He lay still where he fell. All of a sudden, he felt too tired to move.
You are so lazy. You need to get off your ass and do something... Not that! You're still sick, you can't do that! Duo, I mean it, get off- mmppfffhh...
Duo smiled as he remembered the last time he had been sick. Heero had been there to take care of him. He wasn't here now. Duo felt the tears start, but they wouldn't fall. They never did. He hadn't cried, not once. Quatre had, and even Trowa and Wufei had looked a little wet-eyed. 'Heero, damn it. Look what you did. You made them cry. And you left me. How could you... how could you have left me? You know I can't do this on my own...' Duo punched the floor next to his head and glared at it as if it would make him feel better. He pushed himself off the floor, and managed to crawl across it, and then push himself onto the bed. He collapsed on it, panting.
"I am so goddamned pathetic! Is this what you wanted, Heero? To see me weak and wanting? To see me cry? Well, I won't! I won't cry, you bastard!" Duo clamped his hand back over his mouth as the coughing stared again. This time, when he pulled his hand back, his hand was covered in blood. He felt some dribble down his chin. 'Ugh, I'm disgusting.' He wiped up the blood, before trying to push himself up. He couldn't.
Duo looked down at his shirt. He still remembered it clearly, it was right before Heero had left. They had gone to Disney World. Heero had actually been happy, smiling and laughing outright. He had brought Duo the Mickey Mouse shirt, telling him that they would be together forever.
"You lied. Bastard." Duo clutched his pillow. He could still smell Heero on the sheets, even thought it had been so long ago that Heero had laid there. Duo felt the tears, but he wouldn't let them out. He would never ever cry for Heero. He didn't deserve his tears. 'You left me here by myself; you don't need them. Are you happy without me? Are you happy that I'm not bothering you any more? Are you happy?'
He turned over to watch the snowfall. It was so beautiful. He closed his eyes, and swore he could feel arms around him.
Duo's heart clench, but he didn't turn. He knew he wasn't really there with him. "Because I want you to."
"I thought you loved me."
"I did. Not anymore. You left me."
"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to."
Duo heard the sadness in the voice, but told himself it was all fake, all just an illusion.
"Yeah, well, you did."
He felt the arms tighten around him, and lips softly graze his neck. He couldn't help the traitorous warmth that swept across his body.
"Stop it. Just stop it. Do you want me to hurt more?"
"I thought you didn't love me. Why would it hurt?"
Duo tried to pull away, but his arms never moved. "Let me go. Let me go."
"I can't. I love you. I can't let you go, not like his. You're dying. Why are you dying?"
"How should I know? Do I look like I know?"
"No... You look beautiful."
Duo felt an urge to laugh. Here he was, dying in his bed while his friends played thoughtlessly outside, talking to a dead man.
"Duo... Look at me."
Duo just shook his head.
"Why Duo? Why won't you look at me?"
"Duo. Look at me."
"No! I can't! I won't!"
"Damnit, were you always this talkative?"
He heard soft laughter, and couldn't help but smile.
"I'm dead, I'm entitled to do things I normally wouldn't. So, why won't you look at me?"
"Because it hurts! Because I can't take it!"
"If I open my eyes, you'll be gone! You're always gone when I open my eyes!"
"I won't be gone. I promise."
"I don't believe you! You said we would be together forever! But you broke that promise! You left!" Unable to hold them back any longer, Duo could feel the tears slip down his cheeks. For the first time, he was crying.
"I know. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to at all. You know I wanted to spend my life with you."
Duo just shook his head, and cried silently into his pillow. He didn't want to do this. He knew if he opened his eyes, he would die. He could feel it, when he opened his eyes to find that this was all a part of his imagination, he would die. His heart would stop. "I can't, Heero. I can't."
"Heero's" arms tightened around him again, his lips found their way back to his skin. He rolled him back, so that Duo was facing him. Duo let him do what he wanted. He had no strength. He felt a hand slip under his shirt, before resting on his heart. "I can feel it beating, Duo. It's so weak... Did I do that?" That was asked in an absent, slightly thoughtful tone of voice.
"Of course you did!"
"Don't die because of me, Duo. I couldn't stand it."
"You're already dead, Heero. It's not like it's going to hurt you any more."
"I can still hurt. You hurt me, Duo. You and your heart." Heero's hand patted his heart in a slow, steady rhythm, as if trying to make it catch up to the beat.
Duo pushed closer to the warm body next to him. He wasn't sure when it had become real to him, but it was real now. For now, Heero was back, holding him.
"Duo? I love you."
"And I love you, you idiot."
"Why are you dying?"
Duo sighed. "Because I don't have you. You're not here anymore to hold me like this."
"Don't die, Duo. Don't give away your life for me."
"I can't do this on my own, Heero. I don't know when I became so dependent on you, I just know... Without you, there is no reason."
"Duo, open your eyes."
Duo sighed once more, then opened his eyes. Heero's eyes stared back at him. Duo burst into tears and flung himself at Heero. Heero wrapped his arms tightly around Duo, and whispered sweet, nonsense things into his ears.
"I told you, I told you I was here."
"I don't know. I don't know if I can stay, or if I have a time limit. I just know, I'm here, with you."
"If you leave, I'm going with you. If you leave again, I won't make it."
Then, Duo looked back at Heero. "Heero? Am I...? Am I already dead?"
"I don't know. I don't know if we're dead, or alive, or not even born yet. I just know I'm with you."
Duo clung to his Heero. "I don't care if I am dead. You're with me; I don't care." Heero drew Duo back for a sweet kiss, and they just lay there, holding each other tight.
"I love you," Duo whispered.
"I love you too," Heero whispered back.
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei came up later to check on Duo. They stood at the doorway and didn't move. Duo lay on the bed, his eyes closed, and a sweet smile on his lips. Quatre buried his face in Trowa's chest. Wufei went to Duo, ran a hand over his hair. "I'm not surprised," he said quietly.
"Why?" Trowa asked.
Wufei gave a sad smile. "You could see it in him. His heart just couldn't stand being without Heero." Trowa nodded. He held the crying Quatre close to him. Then he noticed something. He gestured toward the bed. Wufei looked down, and smiled again. There was a dip in the bed next to Duo, as if there had been a body lying next to him not too long ago. Wufei looked toward the window and watched the snowfall.
They all heard when faint laughter floated through the house.
Hee-chan! There you are! Where've you been?
What were you doing?
Because I love you.
Oh, Heero. I love you too...
Oh god. I cried writing this. It's 5:45 in the morning, and I'm sitting at the computer bawling my eyes out. I haven't gone to sleep all night, and I have a headache. I don't know if you think this is tear-worthy or not, but in the state I'm in, it's pretty damned sad. Please review!