Somehow I made it into the house. All the lights were off, and it was pretty late. Slowly, I walked down the hallway, and sure enough my mom was passed out on her bed. She still had her clothes on. She must have been exhausted.
I took a deep breath and quietly pulled her bedroom door closed before collapsing against the wall. I put my head in my hands and let my tears fall freely. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Just when it seemed like everything was going perfectly, this happened. I loved Mikey so much, but when I was with Gerard... It was special.
The one person I wanted to talk to more than anything was asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her up. Just then there was a knock at the door. At first, I imagined Gerard coming back, but I knew it wasn’t him.
I managed to stumble my way to the front door and opened it only to see a very drunk Mikey standing on the porch. Anger was clouding his features, and it was actually kind of scary. The only other time I had seen someone look like that was when my dad would come home drunk, and then proceed to beat us.
Slowly, I backed away from the door. Mikey pushed his way in and grabbed my arm forcefully. “What the fuck, Frank?”
“Mikey, please. You’re hurting me.” I winced as his grip tightened. I was sure I would have a bruise.
“I just spent the last ten minutes looking for you!” He let go of my arm, pushing me backwards hard. Before I could move, Mikey grabbed my shoulders and pushed me up against the wall. My head bounced off the wall, causing a shooting pain to go up my spine. Mikey had never been this violent with me before.
“Mikey--” He pressed his lips to mine intently. Somehow, I managed to push him away from me. “You’re drunk!” I yelled.
He looked at me, angrily. I had no time to react to what happened next. It wasn’t even until I felt the sting on my face, that I realized he had slapped me. My mouth fell open, and all I could do was stare at him. He didn’t even seem to be phased by what just happened.
I tried to wrestle out of his grasp, but he forced me against the wall and held me in place. He was stronger than me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to break free. However, that didn’t mean I was just going to give up and play dead.
As my struggling continued, he slapped me again. Harder this time. I could feel something trickle down my chin. He must have split my lip. I shoved him as hard as I could, and managed to get free. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled, tears starting to fall down my face, mixing with my blood, as the realization of what happened hit me. Mikey had hit me, and didn’t even think twice about it. He was just like my dad. “Get out of my house!”
He just laughed. Laughed. This was crazy. A few hours ago, he was the most amazing person in the world, and now? He was someone else. I thought back to what Gerard had said to me just minutes earlier. About how he loved me. My heart exploded into a million pieces, and fresh tears started making their way down my face.
“God, you’re such a little bitch.” Mikey punched me straight in the jaw. Physically, I barely felt it, but emotionally... Emotionally, it was unbearable. This was Mikey, the man I was supposed to be in love with, the man I was going to marry. What was going on.
I had no energy to stand anymore, and I just collapsed on the ground. After what felt like hours, I looked up at him, meeting his gaze. There was absolutely no remorse in his eyes. It just made me feel even more terrible. Where was the Mikey I loved? I just started shaking my head, tears streaming down my face. “I never want to see you again.” I looked down at the ground, “Please, get out of my house.”
Without warning, Mikey kicked me hard in the ribs. I grabbed my sides and doubled over in pain. Above me, Mikey just laughed again. That same emotionless laugh. It was dreadful. He grabbed my shirt collar and lifted me up off the ground, throwing me against the wall. “Don’t you love me, Frankie?” For a second I could almost hear some emotion in his voice, but then he punched the in the stomach. I was starting to wonder if he had ever loved me.
Somewhere deep inside me, I found a little bit of strength and I started to fight back. I was tired of being picked on. Not just by the kids at school and my dad, but now the person who supposedly loved me. I’d had enough. I punched Mikey square in the nose, and watched him crumble. He wasn’t nearly as strong as I thought he was. “Get the fuck out of my house!” I screamed, trying hold back my tears.
Without another word, he ran out the still open front door and climbed into his car. For a second I thought about stopping him. He was drunk and I didn’t want him to get into an accident. But then I remembered what just happened. I didn’t care about him anymore.
As soon as his car was gone, I slammed the door shut and fell to the floor. I brought my knees up close to my chest and just sat there, thinking about everything.
“Frankie? What was all that about?” My mom came out from her bedroom. When she saw me she ran down the rest of the hallway. In seconds her arms were around me and I buried my face in the crook of her neck. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath before telling her everything. I told her about the party, and Gerard, and most importantly, I told her about Mikey. She just sat there in silence, letting me talk. When I was finished, I could see tears in her eyes. She just held me tighter, “Everything will be okay. I promise.”
“What am I supposed to do about Mikey?” My tears had stopped falling now, but more were building behind my eyes.
She sighed, rubbing my back. “That’s up to you.” We sat in silence for a long time. For the first time that night, I was calm. It was nice sitting here with my mom, letting everything out. I really had no idea what I would do without her. All of a sudden she sighed again. “Do you love Gerard?”
I looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?” It was something I had never really thought about before. “I mean, he’s really nice, and --”
She smiled, “When you talk about him, your eyes shine. When you’re with him, you seem happy.” She leaned forward and kissed me lightly on my forehead. “If you are, that is okay. If not, that’s okay too.”
I just sat there, thinking about what she said and thinking about all the time I’d spent with Gerard. Every time we kissed or were even close to each other, it was something amazing, something special. Being with Mikey was nothing compared to being with Gerard.
A//N: God, I love all of you! :) The things you say about this... man. You guys deserve some cookies.