My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my alarm going off. I laughed quietly to myself. I must have forgotten to turn it off. Quickly I turned the alarm off and went back to laying on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I’d laid awake all night, thinking about what happened. I was pretty sure things between Mikey and I were over. There was no way I would be able to stay with him if he was going to act like that. My whole body was aching from what he did to me.
I knew I should call Gerard, but I had no idea what to say to him. I love you? I wasn’t even sure about my own feelings. All I knew was that I needed to see him, needed to talk to him.
I grabbed my phone from where it was sitting on my bed and stared at it, thinking. Maybe I should call Mikey. By this time he should be sobering up. I could let him know once and for all that we were done. Even as I thought the words, I felt my heart break into pieces. As much as I didn’t want to be with him anymore, I still cared about him. He had been my best friends forever. I didn’t want to lose that.
Taking a deep breath, I dialed his number. While I was waiting for him to pick up, I found myself playing with the ring he gave me. I had almost forgotten I was still wearing it.
He answered on the third ring, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Frank.” He didn’t even sound tired. He probably got as much sleep as I did last night. It made me wonder if he had any idea of what happened. “Frank, I just want to say that I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I love you so much.”
Fresh tears started to fall down my cheeks. Hearing him say he loved me just made this even harder. I loved him and he loved me, but if he was going to go out and get drunk like that, I couldn’t be with him. It wasn’t just the drinking that was the problem anymore, it was his drunken actions. Before I had any time to change my mind I just spit it out, hoping for the best. “Mikey, this isn’t going to work out. I-- I think--” I couldn’t find the right words. I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “I’m calling off the wedding, and--”
“You’re breaking up with me.” His voice was monotone, absolutely no emotion. It killed me.
I nodded into the phone even though I knew he couldn’t see. “Mikey, I’m sorry. I really am, but--”
He let out a breath, “No, it’s okay. I probably deserve this.” He was silent for a long time. “Maybe this was never meant to be.”
It took me a long time to think of something to say. “You’re still my best friend, Mikey. You always will be.”
“I can’t be just your friend, Frank. I can’t.” By this point I was sure I didn’t have any of my heart left. It had been through so much lately. Here I was breaking up with the only person I’d ever loved... and he didn’t even want to be friends anymore. Not only was I losing my love, I was losing my best friend. I couldn’t take much more of this.
All of a sudden my phone started beeping at me. He had hung up. At that moment I realized I would probably never talk to Mikey again. For some reason it didn’t bother me nearly as much as I thought it was going to. In fact, I was almost relieved that I didn’t have Mikey to worry about anymore.
My bedroom door slowly swung open, and my mom poked her head in, smiling. “I was hoping you were awake. Come downstairs.”
Without a word, I followed her downstairs into the kitchen. I had never seen so much food in my whole life. I just stared at her in disbelief. How did she find the time to cook everything? She laughed, “Help yourself. It’s all for you.”
I grabbed a plate from the cupboard and filled it with scrambled eggs, french toast, and pancakes while my mom poured me a glass of orange juice. I sat down at the table beside my mom who was already eating some scrambled eggs. “How does it feel to be a high school graduate?”
I just smiled, taking a large gulp of orange juice. “What am I going to do without you?”
She smiled, tears brimming her eyes. All of a sudden she pulled me into a hug. “Frankie, I love you so much. I’m so proud of you!” She let go of me and started wiping away the few tears that had fallen. “My baby boy is all grown up.”
All of a sudden she laughed loudly. “Anyway, it’s time to eat!”
I couldn’t help but smile as I started on my amazing breakfast.
We ate in silence for a while. “Who were you talking to this morning?” My mom asked, breaking the silence. She finished the rest of her pancakes before looking at me, waiting for my answer.
I shrugged, “Just Mikey.”
“You sounded pretty upset.”
“I broke up with him. He said he doesn’t want to be friends...” Saying the words just made me feel terrible all over again. I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and die.
“Frankie, I hate to say this but it’s probably for the better. For the time being the best thing to do is have a little space. Maybe over time you can be friends again.” I really hoped she was right. Even after everything, Mikey was still my best friend. I still cared about him. “So, what are you going to do about Gerard?”
Gerard. I hadn’t thought about what I was going to say to him yet. Again, I just shrugged, “I have no idea.”
My mom smirked, kissing me on the cheek. “How about you start with how you feel.”
“How I feel? How am I supposed to tell him how I feel, if I don’t even know?” I finished the rest of my orange juice before meeting my mom’s gaze.
“I think you know exactly how you feel.” Without another word she stood up, taking the dirty dishes to the sink. I just sat there in silence, watching her, trying to wrap my head around what she was saying.
I needed to call Gerard. I jumped out of my chair and ran upstairs to my bedroom. I had no idea what exactly what I was going to say to him, but I needed to say something.