He peeked from behind his fingers. Izzy lay like a corpse on the bed. Fully naked and exposed his eyes were wide and blank. He didn’t move or speak, just starred dead like at the ceiling.
Oh god, Izzy, why won’t you let me love you? I’d never hurt you. Duff wept as he bit into his pillow muffling the sobs, but unable to prevent his body from shaking as the haunting maelstrom of memories flooded back to him.
First, Duff believes it is worth to note that Slash didn’t wait to break up with him the afternoon after a passionate night to go out with Axl. It was the same morning…
Gentle lips kissed the coffee colored guitarist’s forehead waking him. He smiled as he felt familiar fingers brushing his hair away from his face. He smiled a sleepy dopey smile as he crooked a finger bringing it up, stroking lightly along the pale cheek.
“Good morning, sexy,” Izzy purred. Slash smiled.
“Good morning, Izz.” Izzy grinned back before kissing the man’s nose, his cheek, eventually falling onto those plush lips. Slash sighed into the slightly aggressive kiss.
“I love you,” Izzy said happily, stroking the naked chest below. Slash took him by the shoulders, pushing off his chest and back onto the bed. “What do you want to do today?”
“I’ve got some things to do,” Slash said dismissively. He swung his legs over the bed, reaching for his pants. Izzy crawled up behind him, draping his arms around the other guitarist’s shoulders.
“Can I come?” Slash pulled Izzy’s arms away.
“You wouldn’t like it,” Slash said standing up he fastened his zipper. “Besides, I already told Axl he could come.”
“Axl,” Izzy repeated. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately.”
“Yeah, guess I have.”
“You never said it.”
“You never said ‘I love you’.”
“Guess I haven’t.”
“You’ve told Axl, haven’t you?” Izzy said, his innocent eyes widening at the realization.
“Look, Izz,” Slash said. Clasping the slender man’s chin, he held it level with his eye. “You’re hot. No one I’ve ever had can hold a candle to the kind of blowjobs you give. You’re a lot of fun and a hell of a lay, but I don’t love you. I honestly never have, so let’s just be friends okay?” He playfully slapped Izzy cheek, smiling. “Maybe we can do a three way sometime with Axl.” He turned on his heel and walked out the door leaving the shell shocked Izzy alone and frozen.
Later that day…
“Okay guys, I am not looking,” Duff announced, entering Slash and Izzy’s room. One hand covering his face, the other was held out in front of his face like a walking stick. “So you have thirty seconds to get decent before I look and, remember, I do value my eyesight…guys?”
He peeked from behind his fingers. Izzy lay like a corpse on the bed. Fully naked and exposed, his eyes were wide and blank. He didn’t move or speak, just starred dead like at the ceiling.
“Shit, Izzy. Izzy?” Duff asked jumping on the bed next to the cadaverous guitarist. He shook him lightly. “Izzy? Izz? Oh god, Izzy, move for fucks sake. What did you take? Fuck. Izzy!” He slapped him. Izzy blinked as a tear fell from his eye. “Shit I’m sorry.”
“Duff,” Izzy barely managed to croak. His long sinewy arms flung themselves around the bassist’s waist, clutching him in a suffocating sad death grip. Duff gasped as some of the air was squeezed out of him.
“Izzy.” He smoothed the disheveled brown hair. “Oh Izzy. What happened to…?” His t-shirt felt wet and Duff realized Izzy was crying. Violent sobs raked his body convulsing with each tremor as he cried into Duff’s waist. “Oh Izzy. Izzy, I’m sorry.”
Duff had stayed with Izzy all day, letting Izzy snivel, cry and tremble, soothing him as much as he could. Steven had popped in to see if they wanted to go out, but Duff just waved him on. Steven nodded and disappeared. After hours of sitting with the dark haired man wrapped around him, his muscles were starting to ache. He fought the pain until he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Izzy, Izzy?” Duff went to move, but halted as a sharp whimper escaped from the guitarist’s immobile dry and cracked lips as the hands tightened even more. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you. I just want to lie down. My back is killing me.” He petted Izzy’s head reassuringly. “Come on, I’m just going to move my legs down and lean against the headboard. Come on, I’m not leaving you.”
Never letting the smaller man go, he pulled his long cramped legs out from under him. Muffling a groan as his legs rebelled against being straightened. Izzy groaned suddenly. Duff jerked.
“Are you okay?” His eyes flew wide in concern.
“Can’t feel my body,” Izzy mumbled. His arms were limp, but still clung in a vain desperate attempt to hold on. Duff began peeling the flaccid arms away. Izzy whined softly.
“I’m not leaving you,” Duff said rubbing his shoulders. “This’ll make you feel better.” Lifting the guitarist’s arms, he slowly began rubbing them. Working out every kink before moving on to the next spot. Slowly, Izzy’s body began to regain a normal temperature. Some of his color even returned to his translucent skin.
“Duff,” Izzy mumbled.
“Shh, you don’t have to speak, man. Not until you’re ready,” Duff cooed softly as he rubbed his belly. “You need to eat something.” Duff picked around at the food containers surrounding the bed not finding anything. He fought back another groan as his legs resisted moving. “Hey, join me in the kitchen. Maybe there’ll be food in there.”
He helped Izzy into a pair of jeans before steering the guitarist to the tiny kitchen. Izzy was a little bit more active as he sat at the counter. He blinked normally, but his reactions were still slow. Duff found him to resemble a blinking statue as he placed a peanut butter sandwich in front of him. Izzy starred at it. Duff tried to push the sandwich past his numb lips, but the food fell lifelessly.
“Izz, man you gotta eat,” Duff encouraged. The dead brown eyes locked onto Duff with silent ferocity.
“You’re my friend aren’t you, Duff?”
“What?” Duff lowered the sandwich.
“You’re my friend,” Izzy repeated.
“Yeah, of course I am.” He took a step back puzzled.
“Friends are nice to friends, right? Friends do things for each other. You made me food.” Izzy observed, his lifeless eyes never straying from Duff. “I need to do something for you. That’s the benefit of a friend, right?”
“Izzy, man, you haven’t even touched your sandwich, so why are you thinking of paying me back?” Duff beamed a large adorable smile despite the uneasy feeling he was getting from the wild-eyed guitarist. His long blonde hair fell into his sweet innocent face.
“That’s okay,” Izzy said rising from the stool. “I’ll work up an appetite soon enough.”
Izzy flung himself at the bassist, pushing him into the countertop. Yanking him down by his angelic blonde hair he found Duff’s lips. He bruised them painfully as his mouth stretched over the shocked blonde’s mouth, biting harder, drawing a little blood. Duff flailed his arms trying to push the fervent smaller man off of him, but Izzy clung to him in the same death grip he had on him earlier.
“Relax, Duff,” Izzy purred, restraining Duff’s hips to the countertop by holding his belt buckle. “Let me show you how good it is to be my friend.” Izzy’s hands made quick work of the buckle as he snapped the belt off through the loops with a loud sharp snap. Duff’s leg shot up from the shock of the sound. Izzy quickly rose up the blonde’s body. He pressed himself flush against the bassist’s chest, nipping at his neck while also pushing the curled leg down. “Relax.”
Izzy’s breath was a sensual wraith that sent shudders throughout Duff’s body. He tried to push Izzy away, feebly, but he tried. A part of him realized he wanted it. He had always wanted it.
Satisfied with the calmer bassist, Izzy slunk back down to his knees. Hooking his fingers in Duff’s belt loops, he tugged him closer. Duff arched, his t-shirt riding up, baring his flat belly. Izzy leaned in, kissing and licking his navel as he undid the blonde’s jeans.
Duff groaned as Izzy licked a long line down his torso to just above his pubic hair. He kissed Duff’s thighs sucking them, nipping at them with sharp teeth. The blonde found himself thrusting forward, softly groaning, his mouth round and open breathing hard. His hands dug into the countertop, carving small grooves from the stubs of his fingernails as he tried to fight the feelings that fired up from deep in his belly.
“Don’t fight it. You won’t enjoy it as much,” Izzy said. His hands slid up and under Duff’s CBGB t-shirt, pinching the hidden pink nipples. Duff let out a strangled cry as his hips lurched forward. “That’s it. Let it out.”
Izzy’s mouth took Duff’s length in slowly, teasing his hardness with his tongue, working his lips slowly and meticulously over Duff’s cock. Duff groaned hard deep in his throat. Izzy took more of him in. Duff whimpered as Izzy sped up his ministrations, taking him deeper, sucking harder.
The bassist fisted the brunette’s unruly mane in one hand as he kept panting. He was begging. His fist tightened harder in Izzy’s hair, which urged Izzy on. Duff’s hips thrust hard again as he twisted and screamed as he came down Izzy’s throat. Izzy took every bit of it, milking him dry. Pulling his lips away as Duff softened, giving one final long lick up Duff’s cock before settling back on his knees.
“Izzy, what the hell are you doing?” Axl exclaimed. The blonde’s blood ran cold as he turned to look at Slash and Axl who had entered the room. Izzy raised his head indignantly as he walked out the door, grabbing an old jean jacket, disappearing into the open arms of the wild shadows of an L.A. night.
That was the last time Izzy had touched Duff. He tried to tell himself that he only wanted Izzy for sex, that he didn’t love him, because he never wanted to put Izzy through something like what Slash had put him through. However, the more he thought about it, the more he restrained himself from jumping the guitarist, he realized just how much he loved Izzy. How much he wanted to erase the pain Slash inflicted on him. He knew he could erase that pain, because he loved Izzy.
But Izzy grew colder and more distant from the group since then. Occasionally he’d let his guard down and let Duff or someone in, but only on a superficial level. All Duff could do was bite his pillow and cry himself to sleep.