As the dancers keep coming in and out of the studio, chilling before session starts, I can't help but think what time will Edith arrive.
Ifshe arrives today.
She hasn't been in the studio for a couple of days now calling in sick. I didn't buy it at first but it's been a couple of days. What If she actually is sick?
It is 10 minutes before session starts and all the dancers are already here. I stand by my computer and once in a while glance at the mirror in front of me to look at the dancers and at the door, checking who comes in and out of the door.
And it is 5 minutes before the session starts when I hear the door open slowly and I look. She comes in quietly and locks eye contact with me for a few short seconds before she looks away nervously.
"Eddie darling!" I hear Shanelle say. I stalk her every move through the mirror. He embraces her in a hug and they both walk back to their little group.
I grab my laptop and pretend to walk around and count the dancers for no reason to eavesdrop on their conversation.
"good morning." I pass by talking to the dancers. I stop next to some mats and keep pretending to do something while eavesdrop.
"I was sick. Like really sick. I was puking everywhere. I was at my mother's house in New Jersey all this time."
"but are you okay now? You won't be throwing up all over the floor will you?" Carly responds.
"yeah I'm sure. I went to the hospital."
Could she be pregnant? Could I be the father?! Oh lord, what if the pill didn't work?!
"are you pregnant?!" Shanelle overreacts.
"no, of course not!"
"oh then what happened?"
"I dont know.. Food poisoning I think."
I keep moving around so I won't look suspicious. I check the clock and see its 2 minutes after 11. There's no time anymore, I have to start session. So nonchalantly I walk back and put my laptop down as I start our warm up song.
As I showed them a new choreography for our production, I couldn't stop staring at Edith. She looks amazing giving back to me what I showed her. A few mis-marks here and there but otherwise it was great.
"that was very nice. I'm proud. Okay next group." I call. Her group of 5 sits and the next group goes up. She sits right across the room from where I'm standing.
I remember when it was the opposite; she would always sit close by.
"okay, thank you, that was great. Uh, okay that's it for today. Great job!" everyone claps but Edith. I watch her through the mirror and notice that unlike other days, she's the first one out followed by Shanelle, Carly, William and Scott.
I sigh and when I'm all alone in my room, I feel empty inside.
Oh Edith, I miss you so much..
"are you sure you don't want to come with us? It'll be fun." Shanelle pokes my stomach as we all walk out from the studio into the parking lot.
"I'm sure. I'm still pretty weak. But I'll hang out with you guys next time."
"fine, text me though. We need to talk about next Friday night." Carly winks and walks out with the others.
"sure thing." I smile and head to my car.
I walk slowly still feeling weak. Thank God I wasn't pregnant, I would be so scared to raise a child alone.
After the day I was with Gerard, I woke up feeling very sick from my stomach. Annie told me I was sweating and moving around wildly all night. Even though my door was closed, she said she heard me mumble a few stuff. When I served myself breakfast, I took one bite and puked everywhere. All over Annie's new shoes. She took me to the hospital. She was also scared I would be pregnant. But I was just food poisoned by something I ate the night before. So I spent these days with my mom in her house. Someone told Gerard(obviously my mom)and he came over and took care of me while my mom was out buying groceries or something. It was nice spending time with him. It was the first time ever where we did not kiss but treated each other like best friends. It was such a huge change.
I walked slowly drinking huge chunks of water trying to calm my feelings down. I'm pretty sure the puking was also an "aftermath" results of all my crying and angst. Because every time I think of what happened, I feel sick.
The back door from the studio opens and Harry comes out carrying his huge dance bag again. I bowed my head trying not to notice him. When I look up at my car, I notice his is right besides mine. Great. I was in too much of a hurry to not realize I parked next to his car.
I start to walk fast and when I reach my car door, I hear him call me.
I turn to look and find him with a blank expression.
"hi." he says with a half happy smile.
"hello." I answer weakly.
"so.. are you okay? I mean, you've been calling in sick."
"yeah I'm fine. Just had a couple of hard days but I'm fine." I look down at the ground.
"oh okay. Are you feeling better now?"
"yeah, just a little."
"that's good..Uh.. You were great today." he says and I look up. His eyes are red and watery. Just seeing his eyes make me want to puke again because I miss him that much.
"thank you. I really have to go." I announce.
"okay. I'll leave you alone now." he smiles and heads over to his car. I wave goodbye before stepping in and grab my plastic bag I keep in my car and throw up. I really am not feeling well again. I take my pill without water and drive out as fast as I can.
"hey.." Annie says opening the door. I rush in the restroom and pee.
"how are you feeling?" I hear Carlos say outside my door.
"when are you leaving again?" I say coming out of the restroom.
"I dont know, couple of days. Why?"
"it seems like you've been here forever." I plop down on the couch and eat a banana.
"oh.. So now you want me out?"
"no, I like you around. It just popped in my head. I kind of forgot about a lot of things since I've been sick."
"right." he sits down across from me on the other couch.
"how was the studio today?" Annie says and sits next to me.
"it was okay. He talked to me afterwards."
"what happened?!" Annie gets comfortable in her seat. Carlos turns the TV off and turns his attention to me.
"nothing, he asked me how I was doing since I've been calling in sick."
"that's it. He just told me to feel better and told me I was great today in the studio."
"oh my gosh, he totally misses you." she says eagerly with a squeal.
"I doubt it."
Annie looks over at Carlos, "He does." he says.
"how do you guys know."
"because if he didn't and despised you, he wouldn't even talk to you AND wouldn't compliment your work."
"oh whatever." I lay down and throw a pillow over my face.
"why am I stupid!" I yell in the pillow.
"you're not stupid." Annie caresses my calf.
"yes I am. I miss him so much!" I throw the pillow.
"why don't you talk to him then?" Carlos speaks coming towards me and sits on the floor.
"because I'm sure he despises me!"
"well.. I dont know what to tell you then. But from what you told us he did, I'm sure he misses you."
"no, I don't want him to."
"I dont know! I'm just so filthy and wrong in everything!"
"you don't make any sense. Look, we know what you did was wrong and, if Annie did this to me, then I'd be hella pissed. But if she was sencere and very sorry and proved that to me AND made the effort to come talk to me, then maybe I'd have a talk with her and see what we can settle on." Carlos says playing with my fingers.
"I think Carlos is right. But I'll never do that because I love you." she kisses his cheek and he smiles.
"but you guys don't understand. This same thing happened with me and Gerard. I tried talking to him but he didn't want to hear it. What if Harry is the same?"
"Harry's an adult. He's pretty mature to hear a few words. Gerard and you were in high school. Not so mature. And Gerard didn't realize the effort you put in because he wasn't mature enough and didn't know about love till he lost it. I'm sure this time will be different."
Carlos has a point.
"I dont know.. I just want to sleep." I curl up in a ball.
"you're not gonna eat?" Annie says stroking my bare arm.
"no, I don't want to throw up again."
"well, your mom came by and dropped off some soup if you want some later on. I'll heat it up for you."
"thanks. But all I want Is to sleep right now."
"fine." Annie gets up from the couch and goes in her room with Carlos.
My stomach burns as well as my heart and my head pounds. I breathe in hard and fan myself with my hand since it's too hot. I grab my phone and dial Harry's number. Should I actually call? I follow my consciousness and put my phone down. I don't have the guts to do it.
I walked down the hallway in my college to my locker. I open it up and see a picture of me and Emma on her birthday. We went to a Korean grill. It was a really fun birthday. I grab my calculus book and keep walking down the hall. I walk super slow not wanting to go to class. I really don't like school. I really don't want to be here. I had to cancel practice with the guys because I had to take my calculus quiz that I failed. My life is beautiful.
No it's not, it's shitty. But the only person that makes it all better at the end of the day is Emma. She greets me with a kiss and has my dinner set for me to eat. After I'm done, I sit in the couch while she washes dishes and then comes join me in the couch.
Sometimes, I can't help but admire her beautiful face while she stares at the TV. And sometimes, she wears my boxers around the house and it makes me go wild for some reason. I find it sexy when she wears my cloths. And when we go to sleep, she wears my T-shirts that reaches right below her underwear. She ties her hair and falls asleep in only the Tee and underwear. No brah. And when I hug her in my sleep, I can feel her soft breasts and I just want to squeeze her tight to me when I have a hard on. But I know she doesn't like that so I don't do it.
How I wish to run my fingers through her body and make precious love to her.
I didn't go into class, instead I left and went home to my MJ. I can't stand being in school. It's so boring!
"Hey I'm home!" I yell and set my books down. Emma comes out of the room in my long t-shirt again...
"hey, I ordered Chinese. Why are you here so early?"
"our teacher wasn't there so I left."
"oh..okay.. Well food is in he microwave."
"Kay my little marshmallow." I hug her from behind and again, I feel her soft breast on my arms.
I kiss her neck and she sighs.
"I love you." I whisper.
"I love you too." she swivels around to face me and kisses me. I pick her up from her thighs and carry her in the room dropping her on the bed. I watch her face expression but all she does is close her eyes and bite her bottom lip as I make my way up her shirt. She doesn't stop me but even so, I remove her shirt very slowly. I lay on her once her shirt is completely off and I can feel her breasts on my chest. I start to kiss her slowly as we entangle our fingers together above our heads. I smile as she opens her legs and squeezes her inner thighs.
"are you sure you want to do this?" I ask stopping. She hesitates before answering and opens her eyes.
"I dont know.." she finally says. I get off her and prop up on my elbow next to her. She lays there in the same positon with her eyes closed. I see I tear shed and I wipe it off feeling guilty.
"Emma, you okay?"
"yes but.. Before we do anything. I think you should know what's been going on." she sits up and puts on the large t-shirt again.
"what do you mean?" I sit up and grab her hands.
"it's just.. Every time we're about to have intimacy, I remember.."
"remember what? Emma you're really starting to worry me."
"my past.." she softly whispers and cries on my shoulder. I stroke her beautiful long black hair.
She cries silently all night as I hold her in my arms in bed in total darkness.
I don't question what she has to tell me yet but I can't help feeling anxious and eager to know what it is. Her past? What happened in her past that won't make her comfortable around me in sexual intimacy?
Hey guys, I'm posting twice just because this is a major cliffhanger chapter which freaking sucks. I was editing and was like da fauq? Short chapter lol.
@killjoyMCRmy I'm really sorry for the cliffhanger :( I thought of you in this chapter lol xD you're welcome :3 and thanks again!!