Gerard's Journal -One shot- I'm so tired of fighting my self. I'm so scared of breaking down. I'm so ready to fight the world.
It was too much.
I can't fight.
I can't breath.
I can't speak.
I need to scream, scream until the oxygen begged to get back in, until I was collapsing on the floor, a muddled mess of flesh and feeling.
It feels like somebody is gripping my throat.
I needed to run, drive, fly, anything.
I needed to get out.
I can't sing.
I can't walk.
I can't live.
I'm so paralyzed my my own fears, nothing can get through the walls around me anymore.
And I cant, and I can't ever wake up.
I can't get through my own walls anymore.
And I know, because I've tried.
I've lined up guns and cannons, waited for a breakthrough...
I can't dream.
I can't hope.
I can't stop suffocating.
It's like I'm just an discarded cigarette box... crumpled and unalive, nothing special inside.
I've contemplated shooting my veins full of drugs, to numb me so I couldn't feel the agony of my apathy.
It's not unapologetic anymore...
I've thought about pressing a gun to my temple, pressing a finger to the trigger, pressing little red button on my life.
But I'm not suicidal anymore....
and unable to call for help.
I can't let people in anymore.
I can't let the music in anymore.
I'm so tired of fighting my self.
I'm so scared of breaking down.
I'm so ready to fight the world.
But how can I?
All I am is a fucking baby.
And I can't even feel it anymore.
Maybe I'll just sleep...