Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Death
I had been sitting at the back of the library all day, and now as the librarian came back to tell me that it was closing time I couldn’t help but feel a pang of misery. I didn’t know where else to find Sam, and I was running out of time. I didn’t have forever to live. Hell, I didn’t want to live forever. I just wanted it over.
I brushed my fingers against the necklace Sam had given me as I walked down the steps of the library. I would do this every single day, every single night… again and again.
She had to be somewhere.
Where else did girls who liked to volunteer and sit in silence like to go?
I ended up heading back home, since Brendon was the pro when it came to women. I didn’t know jack shit- and I definitely didn’t know a damn thing when it came to Sam.
She was something else entirely, and though she wowed me… She also really confused me, and was so obviously dragging me around in an attempt to keep me from going all suicidal.
Why she cared was beyond me though.
**
“Er, silence and volunteering is all you’ve got?” Brendon asked.
“She smells like vanilla.” I shrugged. “And er, isn’t a virgin.”
Brendon chuckled, “So it was research you were doing yesterday? Way to make having sex sound lame Ry.”
“So where the hell should I look for her?”
“You sound like a stalker. Do you have her number?”
“Nope.” I frowned. “I have her necklace though, and I need to return it and um apologize.”
“Apologize?” Brendon asked slowly. “What exactly did you do to her that warrants an apology?”
I rolled my eyes at his tone. “I did what you normally do. I used her for sex, rolled over and passed the fuck out.”
“That’s called a one night stand Ry. No one apologizes for those, unless it results in a child or a bad marriage. Did you knock her up or marry her?”
“Well, no-”
“Then no apology necessary.”
“I still need to return her necklace.”
“Yeah, why are you wearing girl jewelry?” Brendon eyed the necklace, which was laying over my shirt for the time being. I preferred it pressing against my skin but I’d been obsessively playing with it all day as I waited for Sam.
“Sam gave it to me.”
Brendon shook his head, but he was grinning. “Ry, oh Ry. It’s supposed to be the other way around. You’re supposed to give her the girl jewelry.”
“So, you have no fucking idea how I can find her. Great. I’m going to go look at the store.” I stood up, finding myself very annoyed with my very situation. I just wanted to find her and get all of this over with.
“Where? The tampon section?” Brendon chuckled.
“Er, sure?” I was really clueless when it came to females. There was no handbook but I sure wish there had been one.
Brendon continued laughing at me. “I have her number.”
I paused, letting his words sink in. “What? You have Sam’s number? How?”
“She gave it to me.” Brendon replied smugly. “We talked before she left. She’s a real cool gal.”
“Gal? Who the hell are you?”
Brendon laughed again. “She left her number for you. I saved it in my phone.” He tossed his phone at me and I barely caught it.
“So, you just let me freak out this whole t-” I cut myself off and entered his contact list.
Sam.
There she was, just like that.
Damn Brendon.
I saved her number in my phone and then pressed talk, tossing Brendon’s phone back at him. He caught it just as I exited the room, ignoring his protests.
“Hello.” Sam’s greeting was friendly, as I knew it would be.
“Hey Sam. It’s me. Er, Ryan.” My greeting was awkward, as I also knew it would be.
“Oh, hey Ryan!” Sam’s tone changed, but it was good… it sounded good to me anyway. “I was hoping you’d call. I’m glad Brendon gave you my message.”
“Message?”
“Yeah, I asked him to tell you that I had a good time with you and I’d love to meet up and hang out again.” Sam replied.
“That message.” Damn Brendon. “Of course. I’d love to do the same thing but I- I need you to know that, well I’m not that guy.”
“What guy?” Sam sounded confused.
“The guy that just uses some girl for- this sounds stupid. I mean, I didn’t mean to use you last night. I needed- well, I needed to feel needed and instead I just used you, and it was wrong- and I’m sorry.”
Sam didn’t say anything and for a few seconds I felt really stupid, and then I just increased that stupidity by squeaking out, “I used you.”
“I don’t feel used.” Sam finally responded.
What?
“You don’t?”
“I don’t.” Sam confirmed. “We were both consenting adults last night Ryan. I’m not sorry about what I did. I wish you wouldn’t be either.”
“Can we… Can we try it again?” The words tumbled out. I knew if I thought them over that they’d never come out.
“Try it again?” Sam was adorable when confused. Hell, she was always adorable. I’d never met anyone so pure, and touchable… and… and what? I couldn’t come up with words worthy of her.
“Yeah, like the right way.” I mumbled.
“Pardon?” Sam spoke softly but clearly. “I don’t think I understand.”
“I want a chance to do things the right way.” I repeated with determination. “I would like to take you on a date, and spend the night with you and hold you after… and just do it the way it’s supposed to be done.”
Again there was silence, but it didn’t last for long.
“I’d like that.” Sam commented softly.
I brushed my fingers against the necklace Sam had given me as I walked down the steps of the library. I would do this every single day, every single night… again and again.
She had to be somewhere.
Where else did girls who liked to volunteer and sit in silence like to go?
I ended up heading back home, since Brendon was the pro when it came to women. I didn’t know jack shit- and I definitely didn’t know a damn thing when it came to Sam.
She was something else entirely, and though she wowed me… She also really confused me, and was so obviously dragging me around in an attempt to keep me from going all suicidal.
Why she cared was beyond me though.
**
“Er, silence and volunteering is all you’ve got?” Brendon asked.
“She smells like vanilla.” I shrugged. “And er, isn’t a virgin.”
Brendon chuckled, “So it was research you were doing yesterday? Way to make having sex sound lame Ry.”
“So where the hell should I look for her?”
“You sound like a stalker. Do you have her number?”
“Nope.” I frowned. “I have her necklace though, and I need to return it and um apologize.”
“Apologize?” Brendon asked slowly. “What exactly did you do to her that warrants an apology?”
I rolled my eyes at his tone. “I did what you normally do. I used her for sex, rolled over and passed the fuck out.”
“That’s called a one night stand Ry. No one apologizes for those, unless it results in a child or a bad marriage. Did you knock her up or marry her?”
“Well, no-”
“Then no apology necessary.”
“I still need to return her necklace.”
“Yeah, why are you wearing girl jewelry?” Brendon eyed the necklace, which was laying over my shirt for the time being. I preferred it pressing against my skin but I’d been obsessively playing with it all day as I waited for Sam.
“Sam gave it to me.”
Brendon shook his head, but he was grinning. “Ry, oh Ry. It’s supposed to be the other way around. You’re supposed to give her the girl jewelry.”
“So, you have no fucking idea how I can find her. Great. I’m going to go look at the store.” I stood up, finding myself very annoyed with my very situation. I just wanted to find her and get all of this over with.
“Where? The tampon section?” Brendon chuckled.
“Er, sure?” I was really clueless when it came to females. There was no handbook but I sure wish there had been one.
Brendon continued laughing at me. “I have her number.”
I paused, letting his words sink in. “What? You have Sam’s number? How?”
“She gave it to me.” Brendon replied smugly. “We talked before she left. She’s a real cool gal.”
“Gal? Who the hell are you?”
Brendon laughed again. “She left her number for you. I saved it in my phone.” He tossed his phone at me and I barely caught it.
“So, you just let me freak out this whole t-” I cut myself off and entered his contact list.
Sam.
There she was, just like that.
Damn Brendon.
I saved her number in my phone and then pressed talk, tossing Brendon’s phone back at him. He caught it just as I exited the room, ignoring his protests.
“Hello.” Sam’s greeting was friendly, as I knew it would be.
“Hey Sam. It’s me. Er, Ryan.” My greeting was awkward, as I also knew it would be.
“Oh, hey Ryan!” Sam’s tone changed, but it was good… it sounded good to me anyway. “I was hoping you’d call. I’m glad Brendon gave you my message.”
“Message?”
“Yeah, I asked him to tell you that I had a good time with you and I’d love to meet up and hang out again.” Sam replied.
“That message.” Damn Brendon. “Of course. I’d love to do the same thing but I- I need you to know that, well I’m not that guy.”
“What guy?” Sam sounded confused.
“The guy that just uses some girl for- this sounds stupid. I mean, I didn’t mean to use you last night. I needed- well, I needed to feel needed and instead I just used you, and it was wrong- and I’m sorry.”
Sam didn’t say anything and for a few seconds I felt really stupid, and then I just increased that stupidity by squeaking out, “I used you.”
“I don’t feel used.” Sam finally responded.
What?
“You don’t?”
“I don’t.” Sam confirmed. “We were both consenting adults last night Ryan. I’m not sorry about what I did. I wish you wouldn’t be either.”
“Can we… Can we try it again?” The words tumbled out. I knew if I thought them over that they’d never come out.
“Try it again?” Sam was adorable when confused. Hell, she was always adorable. I’d never met anyone so pure, and touchable… and… and what? I couldn’t come up with words worthy of her.
“Yeah, like the right way.” I mumbled.
“Pardon?” Sam spoke softly but clearly. “I don’t think I understand.”
“I want a chance to do things the right way.” I repeated with determination. “I would like to take you on a date, and spend the night with you and hold you after… and just do it the way it’s supposed to be done.”
Again there was silence, but it didn’t last for long.
“I’d like that.” Sam commented softly.
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