One-shot. Mikey thinks Gerard's crazy.
He sits in his room all the time. Was it really just a year ago when we used to sit in the living room and watch horror movies all night? We used to get into heaps of trouble with our Mom. She always moaned that we wouldn’t wake up for school the next day. She was always right but we didn’t care. Neither of us liked school anyway. So why bother leaping out of bed for it every morning?
He doesn’t talk to us anymore. At dinner he always had us in stitches with his jokes and whenever I was upset, he knew just what to say to comfort me. Now he’s like a zombie. If I talk to him he jumps, blinks at me and drifts away. He eats his dinner in his room so that he can avoid talking to us. I haven’t heard his voice in a long time.
I don’t think he ever sleeps. If I need to pee in the middle of the night, his light is always on. I can hear him moving around. I never know what he’s doing though. He never really enjoyed sleeping before, unless it was the morning. He’d stay up for as long as he could. But this felt different. Really different.
He doesn’t draw anymore. He was always the best at art, way better than I am. Every so often he’d come into my room with something new that he’d drawn for me. When we were younger his pictures were always on the fridge. I was too ashamed to draw because I knew he was so much better than me. Now he never bothers. Even though Mom brought him a new sketch book for his birthday.
He stares into space all the time. Sometimes when we talk to him, he stares past us as if he’s listening to someone else talk. I guess he always used to daydream but this is different. I clap my hands in front of his, shout at him, snap my fingers but when he’s daydreaming, nothing can snap him out of it. It’s like he’s in a completely different world.
He’s always looking around nervously. As if someone’s gonna hurt him. Surely he knows that we’d never hurt him. He was never this jumpy. He was confident, way more confident than I was. Nothing scared him. I always felt so safe around him. Now he terrifies me.
He never laughs. Never even smiles. I spent a long time trying to get him to smile. I told him stupid jokes, made him watch funny movies with me, pretended to trip up in front of him. He always used to laugh if I did those things before. But things are different now. He’s different now.
He doesn’t have any friends at school. He had two, Ray and Bob. They looked out for him and they were his best friends. They were always over at our house. I liked them too. We could watch scary movies together, play video games and just have a good laugh. Gerard stopped inviting them over. They stopped hanging round with him at school. I’ve seen the way they look at him in the corridors. Whenever he walks past them, they laugh and point and whisper to each other. They think my brother’s crazy. Just like I do.
There are cuts on his wrist. I pretend not to notice and he doesn’t say anything about them either. Our parents really haven’t noticed. I know that they’d definitely say something if they had noticed. I don’t know why he does it or how to make him stop. That’s why I don’t mention them. If I knew what to say to him, maybe I’d bring it up…
I found empty alcohol cans in his room. He went to the bathroom and I was walking past. His door was slightly open. He never left it open anymore and I hadn’t been in there for ages. So I pushed it open a little to see what it was like. They were all over the floor. He was too young to buy alcohol. Where was he getting it from? Before I had a chance to look any further, I heard him flush the toilet and I ran back to my room. I forgot to shut the door again but it didn’t matter. Gerard didn’t say anything.
He’s failing all his classes. My brother is a genius. He knows everything about everything. Every night he used to help me with my homework because I was never very smart. Not like Gerard. But now his grades have gone downhill. Just like Gerard has.
Whenever Grandma comes to visit, he hides in his room. Gerard used to love Grandma. He used to go to her house every Saturday. He was the golden boy. Grandma loved him. Way more than she loved me but I never said anything. I pretended not to mind. But now Gerard avoided her and refused to have anything to do with her. It broke her heart but Gerard didn’t care.
The worst part is that I think I know why he’s acting this way. But we don’t talk about it. Mom and Dad don’t even know that we know.
We were alone in the house and watching scary movies together like we always did. And then Gerard stood up and said we should go in the attic. Just for a laugh. We’d been watching a particularly weird Korean horror movie where they’d found a girl made of glass in the attic. So I agreed and we went into the attic.
It wasn’t scary. At first it was kind of fun, looking through old boxes at all our old stuff. Mom’s china dolls were in there and scared the hell out of us because they were broken. It wasn’t truly scary; it was the fun kind of scary that me and Gerard loved. We went through old photo albums that for some reason were stored in the attic. There were way more baby photos me than of Gerard. Gerard just shrugged and said maybe they didn’t have as many cameras back then. They were probably quite poor.
And that’s when we found it. At the bottom of the box. A birth certificate with my name on it and an adoption certificate… With Gerard’s name on it. His eyes widened and he chucked it on the floor before storming back down the ladder. The attic suddenly seemed so scary without Gerard but I looked at the piece of paper for a really long time. Then I scuttled down the ladder after him.
He’d locked himself in his room. I knocked on the door for nearly half-an-hour begging him to let me in so we could talk about it. But he never replied. He never spoke again after that day.
I told him it didn’t matter that he was adopted. We were still brothers. This shouldn’t change anything. He still didn’t talk to me. He didn’t care anymore.
I think my brother’s crazy. I can’t find him anywhere.
[A/N] - I dunno where this idea came from... Did you like it?