My whole body goes numb and if it wasn’t for Ken holding on to me I think I’d fall to the ground. I feel a shaking and I am brought back to reality, Ken is shaking me.
“Johanna! Hello Johanna!” His voice creeps in but I don’t lose his gaze and he doesn’t lose mine. The crowd is screaming louder and louder, the back ground music still playing, but Gerard isn’t singing. Still keeping his eyes on me he signals for the crowd to be quiet along with the band.
“Shhh” he says into the microphone. The crowd gets quieter and the band even stops playing. He walks closer to where I am standing, until he is right in front of me. His face is painted white with makeup and he honestly looks a little scary. His eyes still locked on mine. He then puts the microphone up to his lips and sings,
“Hand in mine into your Icy blues….” The band starts playing along and the crowd cheers louder. Our song, he is playing our song. I feel the tears build up in my eyes, he gets down on one knee and sings directly to me.
“Oh my God he is singing right to you!” Ken says in my ear, but I ignore him. It is just me and Gerard right now and that is all I care about. The song ends and Gerard is still looking at me. He smiles and puts the microphone back up to his lips and says.
“I’ve missed you” I let the tears come down, and I can tell in his face he is emotional too. I knew I couldn’t do this, it wouldn’t be easy. Gerard’s smile is gone once he breaks his eyes contact with me and looks me up and down, and realizes that Kens arms are wrapped around my waist. He gets up off his knee , turns away from me and throws the microphone on the floor and walks off stage. My heart jumps into my throat. What the hell just happened?!
Ray looks over at me then at Ken and shakes his head and follows Gerard off stage. The crowd thinks it is the ending of the show and starts chanting “MCR, MCR, MCR”
“What was that about? I wonder” Ken asks into my ear. I shake my head and just shrug.
“I….I don’t know. Let’s go” I say turning to make my way out of the crowd. Ken takes my hand and follows me out of the sea of people. When we finally get out and reach outside, Ken still holds my hand.
“Still star struck from when that guy sang to you?” He teases, I just stay silent. We walk around the corner by the alley. I lean against the wall of the building and look up and the stars.
How could this happen? I was supposed to go in there, with Ken and not feel anything. Nothing. Why can’t I move on?! Why is this so hard?! I just want to move on in life, maybe marry Ken and have a few children. I am not supposed to be feeling these things right now. I let a few tears slip down from my eye.
“Hey jo, what is wrong?!” Ken asks frantically. He steps in front of me and puts his hands on my hips looks me deep in the eyes. Fuck! Why can’t I get the feeling I just had with Gerard with Ken?!
“Just…um….I am feeling a little sick, sorry I am such a baby when it comes to being sick” I lie. I wipe my tears away.
“Probably because you are dehydrated, come on lets go get you something to drink, I think Sonic is still open, we could grab a slushie on the way back to your place” he suggests. I just smile at the thought.
“That would be nice…” I admit. I just need to leave this place, I’ll just have to lie and tell Ray that I didn’t feel anything . I can do this, I can move on. Ken smiles his million dollar smile back at me and kisses the top of my head.
“Let’s go” He says taking my hand. And just as we are about to leave I hear a loud bang coming for the alley way. Ken and I both peek our heads around the corner and look.
The door to the building that leads into the alley way has be opened, there are 3 shadows, and one of them is moving towards us. Ken protectively puts his arm around me as the stranger gets closer. The shadow moves faster and faster towards us. Ken steps between me and the figure coming towards us and says,
“Hey slow down there! We don’t want any trouble” He says sternly. I try to peek over the top of him to see what is going on but he is just too damn tall.
“I’m not looking for trouble just a drink” I hear Gerard’s voice says. My heart stops. Drink?! What no?!
“Oh Okay. Hey! You’re the lead singer of that band that was just on! Good show bro!” Ken says excitedly. I roll my eyes and still stay hidden behind him, hoping Gerard doesn’t notice.
“Thanks glad you liked it. Know of any good Bars around here?” Gerard says agitated,
“Yeah absolutely! I’d be more than happy to buy you a drink!” Ken says cheerfully. No! What is he doing?!
“Is that so? You’re on” Gerard replies.
“And on top of that I have our own designated driver. You sang to her tonight made her whole night it is the least I can do for keeping my girl happy!” He takes a step to the side revealing me to Gerard.
“Look Johanna! It’s the lead singer!” He says happily. Gerard’s face drops from a smile to a look of shock. I bite my bottom lip and look away and up at Ken not wanting to make eye contact again.
“Well say hi!” Ken urges, I just continue to look at him not saying anything.
“Sorry I guess she is a little star struck” he laughs. I hear Gerard let out a deep sigh. He takes a step towards me. He is so close I can smell him. Peppermint and cigarette smoke. I’ve missed his smell. Tears build up in my eyes.
“Yeah are you star struck? Is your boyfriend going to do all the talking for you? I promise I don’t bite” he says calmly. I feel a twinge in my heart and look down at the ground. He is wearing a pair of boots and a pair of pants with holes in them.
“Go On Jo” Ken urges again. Jeese! I feel like I am a 5 year old kid who’s mother is trying to introduce them to new friends.
I give in and look up. Our eyes meet again, and there is fire and electricity between us. It takes all I have not to wrap my arms around him to make it stop. To make this feeling in my chest go away. Tears build up again in the back of my eyes but I refuse to let them fall, not in front of him. We are both silent for a while just taking each other in. It is like Ken isn’t even there with us.
“Hi” I mutter. Gerard smiles and I can see the light in his makeup covered eyes, the light I’ve missed so much. It is still quiet between us. All I want is to be in his arms right now. But I shake the thought out of my head the moment I feel Kens arms around my shoulder. Gerard sees too and his smile fades and the light goes out.
I feel my face drop, and Gerard notices making him smile again. He takes out a cigarette and puts it up to his lips and takes a drag. He then turns the box to Ken who declines then me and I also decline. He has a surprised look on his face but just shrugs. How badly I want one now. I quit everything I was addicted to in rehab; drugs, drinking, cigarettes and Gerard. And there are 2 of them within inches of me right now
“So how about that drink?” Ken offers again.
“I’m really tired, Ken can you just drop me off please?” I ask nicely. Ken looks disappointed but then nods.
“Yeah of course.” He says giving me a kiss on my head again. From the corner of my eye I see a pained look on Gerard’s face.
“Sorry man, gotta get my girl home. But hey awesome show!” Ken says with a shrug. Gerard just nods blowing out smoke.
Just as we are about to walk away Ken’s phone goes off. He smiles his million dollar smile at me then at Gerard.
“One sec” he says taking his phone out and walking a few feet away. No! Don’t leave me! I look at the ground and start to walk towards him, avoiding Gerard.
“Well he’s a charmer” he says sarcastically. I still look at the ground, not wanting to say anything to him. “My face is still sore ya know” he says again trying to get my attention. I put my hands in fists and still ignore him. Ken is still blabbering away on his cell phone.
“Or just be a bitch and ignore me too” Gerard says again. My blood boils and I glare at him. He just smiles back at me, antagonizing me even more.
“ Will you just shut.the.fuck.up please?!” I say angrily. Gerard’s smile turns to a frown, but then he steps closer to me. I get chills, and the fire between us in crazy. He knows what he is doing.
“Or else what?” he whispers. I glare at him and realize there is no ‘or what’. I just roll my eyes.
“Exactly” he says taking a step back and taking a drag from his cigarette.
“Still an arrogant asshole I see” I sass back.
“Wouldn’t want it any other way” he says blowing smoke in my face, and with out thinking I take it from his mouth and throw it to the ground and stomp on it.
“Quit doing that!” I yell at him. He just smiles and pulls another one out of his pocket.
“Don’t smoke anymore?” He says putting the lighter up to his lips
“No. I gave up everything that was bad for me, when I was in rehab cigarettes, drugs, alcohol YOU” I say harshly. Gerard stops lighting his cigarette and just looks at me with a pained expression. My heart drops, did I really just say and mean that?
I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders and I know it is Ken. I look up at him and he smiles down at me, I smile back at him, just putting a show on for Gerard.
“Think they’d give me break? Ha ha, well we better get going, it was nice meeting you awesome show!” Ken says taking my hand in his. Gerard just nods still looking hurt as Ken and I walk in the opposite direction.
Sooooo sorry this is late guys!!! I've been super busy lately! SO i rushed this one out to you as soon as I could, I am sorry if it is not my best! I am going to try and get at least one out a week. That is my goal any way! Love you all!