White lips and a pale face was all his Gerard was. Frerard one-shot, give it a read?
Today was the day. The mark of Gerard’s first year sober, and also the first day it snowed. Frank was eager to get to their home and congratulate his boyfriend, since he was still asleep when he left for work that morning. Gerard worked from home as a song-writer for local bands, and quite honestly he wrote incredible lyrics. He would sing them himself, but after all the damage he’d done to his body, throat included, he was unable to. Frank knew it saddened him, but there wasn’t exactly anything he could do to help. If anything, all he could do was sing the lyrics to his raven-haired partner; a request he often made. There was especially one certain lyric that stuck with him, one he sang a few months back.
“If you got dreams in your heart, why don't you share them with me?” Frank sang lowly, remembering the words, biting his lip lightly as he stopped at a red light. “And if dreams don't come true, I'll make sure that your nightmares are through…” Sighing, he took a deep breath and marveled at the beauty of the words. Gerard never ceased to amaze him with what he thought up in his head. The younger male longed to get a glimpse of Gerard’s mind, the desire to see exactly how his mind worked strong. His thoughts strayed back to the lyrics he was repeatedly humming, a feeling of importance coursing through him. Frank remembered the day Gerard first gave him the song; there was no way he could ever forget. Even if he tried.
“Frankie?” Gerard approached the shorter male, who was lounging on the sofa, watching the latest episode of Homeland.
“Hmm?” He paused the channel and turned to look at his partner. “What is it, Gee?” he asked, until he saw the lyric sheet Gerard was clutching. “Ah. You have a song for me to try out?”
Gerard smiled, “Actually, I wrote this one just for you. No one else will ever see it. It’s kinda like a thank you.” he added, blushing slightly.
Slightly confused, Frank quirked an eyebrow at his lover. “Thank you for what, exactly?”
The paler shrugged. “For everything. For helping me get clean and being there and just being so incredibly amazing I guess. I love you, Frank.”
Sitting up from the sofa, Frank walked towards his lover and plucked the paper from his fingers. “I love you too, Gee.” He pressed a kiss to his lover’s lips for a moment before clearing his throat and singing to him.
Before he knew it, Frank reached his home and parked the car in the driveway. Still mumbling the lyrics quietly, he walked towards the door and unlocked it. “Gerard?” He asked as he placed his jacket in the hall closet and threw the keys on the counter, his voice echoing throughout the house.
“Gerard? You here?” Frank wandered about the house, looking for the older man in every room. He wasn’t even in his study. “Gee? Where are you? You do realize what day it is today, right?” He waited a few moments, awaiting a response, but there was still nothing. Becoming increasingly worried by the second, Frank began biting his fingernails; a nervous habit he’d acquired after giving up smoking. He’d done it as a way to support Gerard; if he gave up drugs, Frank would give up smoking. It was a tough process for the both of them, but Gerard frequently reminded Frank how he appreciated it and Frank knew it was the right thing to do.
After a few more moments of frantic screaming and searching every room repeatedly, Frank realized he never bothered to check the backyard. It’s the first day of snowfall, and Gerard loved the snow. Chuckling to himself, Frank realized that it was extremely likely his boyfriend was simply playing out back in the white winter wonderland. Making his way to the back door, Frank prepared for the onslaught of snowballs that he was sure were going to attack him.
Deciding putting on his jacket was not necessary; Frank slid the screen open and ran to the middle of the yard, leaving a trail of footprints imprinted into the crisp, white snow. “Ger-“he stopped mid-sentence, his jaw dropping as he turned his attention to the oak tree and what was lying beside it.
“Gerard!” Frank ran towards him, scrambling to reach him. “Gee…” he fell to his knees, which became slightly damp as he moved the strands of hair from his lovers face. “Oh no, Gerard...” he scanned over his body, in its pale and cold entirety, and he knew. “Don’t tell me you…no. You couldn’t have. Gerard...P-please...”Frank’s eyes began watering, and he furiously wiped them away before they trickled down his cheeks.
“Y-you said you were never going to do it again…”His body trembled from the cold and attempting to hold his tears back. “Why would y-you even d-do this?” Running his fingers across the pallid, icy skin, Frank realized something.
Gerard was never truly happy. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, Frank knew Gerard didn’t appreciate what he had. It wasn’t what he wanted; Gerard wanted to sing, he wanted to be the one performing his songs in front of crowds. He didn’t want to spend his life selling his mind’s creations to people who would probably butcher it anyways; no one would. He’d always be a bit despondent, distracted, no matter how hard he tried. Frank really wanted to help, but not even an act of God could bring his Gerard back.
Now the man he loves was nothing but a beautiful pale face, his lips dry and nose stained in white powder, a stark contrast to the numb blue color of the bridge of his nose. Taking his hand, Frank wiped away the snowflakes building upon his skin, a chill running down his spine. His lungs burning from the cold air he was breathing, Frank lay his body down beside Gerard’s.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help. I wish I’d tried harder to make you happy.” He sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing into the snow, cringing a bit from the cold temperature.
Clearing his throat, Frank began to sing the rest of his song.
“If you got pain in your heart
Why don't you share it with me?
And we'll just wait and see
If it's half what it used to be
And lay it down slow
Lay it down free
Lay it down easy
But lay it on me”
And that he sang until his mouth was numb and fingers blue, still linked with Gerard’s.
By the way, the lyrics I used aren't mine. They're all from a song called Lay It Down Slow by Spiritualized. You guys should give it a listen, it's a really great song. Again, I apologize if it was total crap. I'd really appreciate it if you guys shared your thoughts with me though.