"That's what Gerard would've wanted."
Why hadn't she noticed that something was going on? Why hadn't he told her? Mikey must've known. Aislinne realised now that he'd been throwing her little hints all along but she hadn't picked them up. In her head she'd pretended that everything was fine, just like she normally did, just because she didn't want to argue. She hated arguements.
Her Mom came clattering through into the office "Hey Aislinne, I'm here to take you home."
"I don't wanna go home." Aislinne mumbled. The thought of spending all day in bed, thinking about how she'd pushed Gerard away just when he nodded her most and nothing else, was too much to bear.
But her Mom insisted and bundled her up into the car. They were silent the entire ride home which was weird for them. Normally Aislinne's Mom would put on loud music that nobody listened to anymore and they'd sing a long at the top of their lungs. Today was different. And it'd never be the same again.
The moment they got in though, that when Aislinne's Mom wanted to talk. She took her into the living room, sat her down and asked "Now I know you. You wouldn't cry just because you puked in assembly. Now tell me. Tell me everything."
Aislinne took a deep breath and blurted out everything that had happened over the past few weeks. Aislinne's Mom nodded, just listening and rubbing her back comfortingly. When Aislinne was done, her Mom went into the kitchen and came back with a pack of tissues and a glass of water. Aislinne gave her a week smile then sniffed and sipped at the water "You know, wherever Gerard is, he will always remember Saturday and how perfect it was." Aislinne's Mom whispered to her "And that's how he'll remember you. As the girl who loved him more than anyone else."
"You don't understand. I wasn't that perfect girl. He won't just remember that one day. He'll remember all the other days I pushed him away. When I made him feel like crap. He was clinging to me because he just wanted to spend what little time he had left with me. How could I do that to him?"
"Because you don't know what you've got until you lose it. That sounds stupid, I know, but you were pushing him away because you wanted some space and because you thought you were gonna be together for a really long time. But that wasn't the case. It was just bad luck Hun. But I promise you that wherever Gerard is, he's not thinking badly of you."
"I miss him so much and he hasn't even been gone that long!" Aislinne sobbed "What am I meant to do now?"
"Mourn him and then carry on with your life. That's what Gerard would've wanted."
Aislinne stayed off school for two extra days sobbing her eyes out but then she remembered how Penina and Mikey had been on school on Monday. Gerard had been their older brother yet they'd tried to move on. Aislinne knew she had to the same.
By first lesson, she'd regretted going in. All her old friends were giving her death stares and her old best friend Anna found this hilarious and kept saying stupid things about her, making extra sure that Aislinne could definitely hear everything. Aislinne didn't understand. She'd just lost her boyfriend, her whole world was falling apart... And then she remembered. They hated her because they knew about what had happened with Mikey. They know how horrible a person she truly was.
Aislinne hid in the toilets for the whole of second lesson. She'd held the tears in for all of lesson one but when the bell rang, she knew they were gonna overflew so ran to the bathroom and hid in there.
Half-an-hour later, Penina came into the bathroom "Penina." Aislinne whispered "I'm really sorry about what happened to Gerard." Penina just looked at her before going into one of the cubicles "Are you mad at me?"
"Yes." Penina squeaked.
Aislinne sighed and waited for her to come out. When she did and she was washing her hands, Aislinne started babbling "Is this because of Gerard and what Mikey told you? Look, it wasn't one hundred percent true, and I was only pushing Gerard away because-"
"Because you didn't know about his disease." Penina said, turning to face her "That's why he didn't tell you. He was fine with the way you treated him. Mikey kept babying him when he found out which is why Gerard didn't want anyone to know. He wanted to be treated the same. So he was happy. But how could you still kiss Mikey? With or without Gee's illness." Penina's eyes filled with tears "And also, you promised to talk to Anna for me. But you never did. Because you don't care about me so why should I care about you?" And with that Penina ran out of the bathroom, leaving Aislinne to feel guilty.