I sigh in relief. There's still a pulse but a very slow one.
"Edith, baby, wake up." I cry softly. Don't want Annie to get more worried than what she already is.
I can't take her to a hospital now and can't call 911. It'll worry Annie. I'm trying to hide this as much as possible from her. Dammit! This is the kind of time where I wish I knew some kind of medical help. And to make matters worse, I don't have my phone so I can't call my neighbor Gloria, the nurse.
I look around desperately in her room for anything that could help me. I then come across a bottle of rubbing alcohol. In a TV show or two, I've seen a person pass a cloth with a few drops of rubbing alcohol on the passed-out person's nose. Maybe if I try that she'll wake up.
I get a napkin and drop a few drops of alcohol on it. I kneel next to her on the bed and pass the napkin on her nose...
She moves in her unconscious state and shoots her eyes open. She sits up and looks around.
"what the hell happened?" she questions.
"oh thank god!" I throw myself on her hugging her as tight as I could.
"what happened??" she questions again desperately.
"you passed out" I say looking in her puffy eyes, "I hugged you and you passed out in my arms. I was really worried. I thought you died!"
"really? I don't remember anything." she looks down at her legs. I look at her facial features admiring her. She might be looking paler than ever and have this zombie stare but it only aches my heart. I want to help her get better..
I grab her chin and look straight into her eyes before leaning in for a kiss. Her lips quiver as I savor her soft lips. She then let's go.
"no. We can't."
"why not Edith?" she gets out of bed and stands by her balcony looking over the city. I stand up and stand behind her, slowly placing my hands on her hips and resting my chin on her shoulder.
"Edith.. What's wrong? Why are you behaving this way? Annie and I and the others are really worried.." she pushes me away slowly. She turns around to face me and keeps a distance between us.
"why won't you let me hold you? I can help you Edith. But you've got to tell me what's wrong."
"I-I dont know what's wrong." she blinks and tears role down her cheeks.
"I'm fine" she looks away, "I'm perfect." she giggles.
"no you're not. Edith, you look tired. You hardly talk to any of us. You're not eating and you're working yourself too hard. Why?"
"I'm not working myself too hard!" she comes out hard.
"come on Edith.." she looks down at the ground again and wipes her tears away.
"I'm not okay. I'm not." she throws herself on me hugging me tight and babbling on my shoulder.
"I hate everyone. I hate my life. Everything is going downhill for me I don't know what to do anymore."
"I know things are hard.." I stroke her back, "but why? What caused this?"
"everything. You. Harry. Everyone. Specially you two." I slowly pull her away to look at her.
"ever since the brake up, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just confused."
"I understand. But I can help you Edith. You don't have to go through this alone. Remember I told you I'll always be here for you? You'll always have a place in my heart? Listen, I know it's too soon but, what if we go back together and be like old days when we loved each other..." I wrap my arms around her waist tightly.
"no, we can't." she cries. My heart aches and I close my eyes, "why not Edith? There's no obstacles anymore. There's nothing that can go wrong this time. I love you, with all my heart. Don't you?"
"I do.. But I'm scared."
"I'm scared to love again." She babbles. She hugs me tighter. "it seems that everything I love leaves my side. My parents got divorced. When I was with Henry, he left me. In high school, you left me. Harry left me. Now, how do I know you won't leave me again? Things aren't the same Gerard.."
"Edith, no. I'll never leave you. Not this time. I'll stick with you forever. I love you Edith. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't realize that in high school till we broke up and it fucked me over. I don't want to lose you. Not again. I won't leave you."
She cries again gripping my shirt.
"I love you too Gerard. With all my heart. And I want to be with you more than anything, but after all I've been through, I'm afraid to love again. I don't trust love anymore."
"but please trust me this time. It won't happen again. I won't let it happen. How about we start fresh. From the beginning. We take things slow and date. See where life takes us from there." She pulls away and looks into my eyes, "do you want that? I'll do anything for you Edith."
She hesitates and then nods, "more than anything." she replies and kisses me deeply.
My heart bursts into a ball of flame sending burning sensations through my body. My spine tingles, my head goes round and round, my eyes shut tight as I deepen the kiss and lead her onto the bed. I lay on her still kissing her sweet lips. We then let go and stare into each others eyes.
"so, we're dating now?" I ask making sure.
"yes." she responds with a smile and hugs my neck kissing me again. I feel that burning sensation and I just want to scream to the world because, I finally, after so long, have my Edith back.
We soon kick off our shoes and snuggle under the blankets keeping each other warm.
"promise me we'll go early in the morning to the doctor to get you checked?"
"I promise but I'm fine."
"no you're not. You passed out for crying out loud Eddie!"
"fine I'll do it."
"okay." I kiss her head and hug her in as close as possible.
"Gerard?" she says after a while. She hugs my waist tighter.
"how are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling like the luckiest guy in the world right now." I kiss her again. "you?"
"I-" she pauses, "I feel safe." she says. She looks up at me and from the dim light, I can see a small smile.
"you are safe." I say and kiss her soft lips. I hover over her kissing her lips then her neck. She pants softly. I kiss her one last time letting go slowly and look into her eyes, "I love you." I whisper. She closes her eyes and pecks my lips, "I love you too." she responds. I lay back down next to her and close my eyes. We hug each other close all night till we fall asleep.
I slowly open my eyes. My stomach starts to grumble and I feel something come up my throat. I rush to the restroom and spit out my puke. God, it doesn't even look like puke anymore. It's just some yellow acid. Maybe I'm not okay. I wash my mouth and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a drag. I have dark circles in my eyes, my skin is pale, and my lips are chapped. How can Gerard kiss my lips and still love me? I walk back in my room. I take a look at him before stepping back into bed. He looks so peaceful as the sun shines his face. I grab the blanket slowly and crawl back into bed. I then feel a pair of arms grab my waist and a kiss on my shoulder as I check the time.
"it's 8am." I tell Gerard.
"it's still early. Why are you up?"
"I had to throw up." I look over my shoulder at him. He stares back at me with raised eyebrows.
"you do remember we have to go to the doctor right?"
"okay. We'll go at 9."
"sounds good." we crawl back comfortably in bed.
"how was your sleep?" I ask him.
"warm and cozy." I smile. I close my eyes and relax as I feel his warm touch around me. I then feel him move and I open my eyes to find Annie in my room. We then both sit up.
"am I interrupting something?" she says.
"no you're not." Gerard replies.
"okay um, breakfast is ready if you guys want."
"thanks." Gee says with a smile. She smiles back and looks at me.
"are you okay Edith?"
"I'm fine." I too smile and she grins. She then looks at Gerard who wraps an arm around me. I wrap both arms around his waist smiling when Annie covers her mouth and tears up.
"am I.. Thinking correctly?" she says with a groggy voice. We both nod. She squeals and starts to laugh.
"wow, I'm so happy! This is great, you two deserve each other." she sits on the bed and hugs us both.
"I just knew this was bound to happen sometime soon. I'm just glad this happened last night unexpectedly. How happy must you be Gerard?"
"very!" he kisses my cheek.
"well, breakfast is ready for the new couple." she winks and gets off the bed. She exits the room and Gerard and I roll out of bed.
"I'm gonna shower." I announce and grab my towel.
"alright, I'll sit back and wait for you."
"okay." I smile and kiss him before stepping in the restroom.
She lets go of the kiss and smiles shyly again. She enters the restroom and closes the door while I lay in her bed. I close my eyes and rest when I feel my phone vibrate.
"hello?" I answer.
"where are you? You okay?" Vicky replies sounding worried.
"I'm totally fine. In fact, great."
"really? Where are you?"
"at Edith's house."
"what are you doing there?"
"guess.." a smile spreads across my face.
"wait, is that where you spent your night?"
"you guys didn't do it.. Right?"
"no! Of course not!"
"we're back together Vicky!" I yell through the phone.
"no way! Oh my god! I'm so happy for you! How'd it happen?"
"well, we had a talk because I found out she has been going through some stuff. That's why she hasn't been hanging out with us. I told her I loved her and I could help her out. She was hesitant at first but we decided to start all over. So now we're dating."
"oh my gosh that's great! She is okay though right?"
"she will, soon. We're going to the doctor."
"she's just a little sick but everything is okay."
"okay, you let me know. Tell her I said I'm really happy for you two."
"alright. I'll let her know. And thank you Vicky. For encouraging me. You're a great friend."
"you're welcome Gerard. I've told you since we became friends and I'll keep saying it; I'm here for you best friend."
"thanks. I'm here for you too."
"I appreciate that."
"anyway, so why weren't you here the other night huh? You didn't get home till late!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I was out on a date. Well, sorta.."
"oh with that mystery guy you won't tell me about?"
"yeah, I had the best night."
"why won't you tell me who it is?"
"because.. I'll tell you soon okay?"
"alright.." Edith steps out of the restroom.
"so I have to go Vicky but I'll talk to you later."
"okay, and uhh- I have to talk to you about something important so make sure you come back before I go to work."
"alright I will. Goodbye."
"goodbye." I put my phone back in my pocket and stare up at Edith who wears her robe and is combing her hair.
"what?" she questions with a giggle. I was looking up at her with a probably creepy smile. I get up and look at her still smiling.
"nothing. I'm just so happy to be with you." I hug her waist and kiss her.
"I'm happy too." she smiles.
"oh, I told Victoria about.. Us. Is that okay?"
She nods, "it's fine. What did she say?"
"she said she's happy for us." I smile again looking at her eyes and lips. She smiles shyly and rests her head on my shoulder. She doesn't say anything. I don't say anything. I hug her closer and kiss her neck while she slowly strokes my back.
As I wait for Edith in the waiting area, I observe a mother with a child. The child cries and cries and she tries to shush him up with the bottle. The baby gladly accepts the bottle and drinks it. He slowly closes his eyes as the mother bounces a little. A smile spreads across my face. Would Edith ever want to marry me? I bet we would have lovely children. Just look at her, she's beautiful. I want a baby girl so she could be just like her mother; a ballerina.
Edith comes out of a door and walks towards me. In the distance, I see a piece of cotton taped to her right arm.
"you got a shot?" I question standing up.
"yeah. They said I was just missing vitamins. So they gave me a shot and some pills." she shakes the pills while rolling her eyes. I grab her hand and we start to walk out of the hospital.
"I told you you were sick." I giggle.
"I know." she sighs. We step inside my car and I look at her again, "do you want to go anywhere?"
"hmm..I dont know." she looks away.
"you okay?" she shoots her head back towards me.
"yeah I'm fine." she smiles.
"um, want to get some coffee?"
She nods. I look at her with a smile and grab her chin.
"I love you." I whisper and kiss her.
"I love you too." I whisper back. I look out the window as he makes his way out of the parking lot.
As we drive, the cool breeze hits my cheeks making them go red. I look at myself in the rear mirror and notice I look tired. I throw my head back on the seat and close my eyes as the breeze now hits my neck. My hand rests by my thigh when I feel Gerard grab it and caress it. I start to smile but my smile fades away instantly.
I love to be with Gerard. I couldn't be any happier right now to have him by my side. But I can't help but feel guilty, embarrassed and scared. Guilty because I have made him suffer so much and he's treating me like a queen. Embarrassed because I feel so hypocritical for loving and missing to be with him when long ago I could have broken up with Harry and went back with Gerard. But no, I made him suffer instead. Scared because I'm afraid things won't be the same with us. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him again.
We park the car and step inside a sweet smelling coffee shop near Gerard's house. I've never seen this place. Maybe because it's a small shop hidden between a boutique and an apartment building.
"save us a spot while I order coffee." Gerard says. He kisses my cheek before letting go of my hand. As I make my way to one of the seats next to the window, I notice a little girl with her mom. She wears ballet clothing. I can't help but smile and hope that she is a great ballerina one day. Then I start to think, when I have a baby girl, she will too dance ballet and maybe sing.. Like her father..
"here, got you some black tea with orange extract if you don't mind." he comes around with a sweet smile.
"thanks." I smile back and grab my mug that keeps my hands warm in this freezing weather. I watch Gerard, who drinks his coffee with a cookie in hand. He stares off into space while chewing slowly. He takes a bite off his cookie again leaving crumbs on his dark blue scarf and on his cheek. I giggle to myself and wipe the crumbs off his cheek.
"you need to learn how to eat." I joke.
"oh, sorry." he laughs and now pays attention to me.
"do you have to take a pill right now?" he asks drinking more of his coffee.
"I think. I'll just do it. And then I have to drink another in 6 hours." I read the label. I open up the bottle and take a white pill. I consume it and drink some more tea.
"looking better already." Gerard laughs. I drink my tea and look over at the door. Someone comes
In and seems to have the same face expression as I do.
"hey!" she says and approaches me.
"Hi Hailey." I stand and hug her.
"what are you doing here?" she asks taking her scarf off.
"I'm just here with my.. Date." I point to Gerard who also stands and smiles.
"date?" she questions.
"yeah um.. Harry and I broke up."
"oh I'm sorry to hear. How long ago?"
"a while ago."
"I'm so sorry. Well, you've moved on and that's what's good." she turns to Gerard.
"hi I'm Hailey." she extends her arm.
"hi, Gerard. Have we met before?" he questions looking at her and back at me.
"I think we have" she looks at me. I look back in time and remember the day when I was with Hailey at Starbucks and she gave me some "info" on Harry. When we were leaving, we bumped into Gerard.
"oh yeah, you have." I laugh.
"I thought so. Well, nice seeing you again."
"nice seeing you too." Gerard says.
"well I'm going to order some coffee and leave you two alone." she laughs.
"alright, bye Hailey!"
"oh wait, I heard of AV ballet. I'm going to watch the first show."
"oh that's great. See you then"
"alright." she laughs again and turns to the cash register.
"this is a date?" Gerard comments caressing my hand again with a smirk.
"I guess so." I giggle.
"nice. I like this date." he drinks his coffee again and sits back on his chair.
We sat around in the coffee shop till late. It was about 7pm when we drove back home after spending a nice afternoon together. I parked in front of her building. I turn the engine off and face her since she isn't stepping out. She also faces me and has a small smile on her face.
"thanks for taking me to the doctor and buying me tea. I had a good time." she finally speaks looking down at her hands.
"you're welcome sugar. I'm always here if you need me for anything." she then looks back up at me and smiles.
"thanks. If you need anything, I'm here for you too"
"having you around is all I'll ever need Eddie." I wink. She giggles and steps out of the car. I follow her and when we're both out, she comes over to my side of the car. I rest on my car while I hold her waist close to me. She hugs my neck for a long time; I can feel her short breaths on my neck. Her sweet smell of perfume invades my air and I inhale deeply closing my eyes taking in such moment with my girl.
She pulls away and kisses me with so much love. She kisses my lips so softly and slowly making every second count and making me hungry for her lips. She lets go slowly, biting my bottom lip as she lets go. We both open our eyes and smile.
"I miss that." I say squeezing her hips.
"I do too." she responds shyly. She rests her head on my shoulder again and inhales deeply.
"promise you'll never leave?" she says after a while.
"I promise with all my heart I'll never leave you. And I'll repeat it forever if that makes you happy."
"okay, I trust you. Thank you." she pulls away again and smiles.
"I love you with all my heart Eddie."
"I love you too Gee. Thank you for being so nice to me."
"you're welcome. I'm here whenever you need a smile. Just call me and I'll be here in a heart beat."
She giggles, "thank you." she kisses my lips lightly again and we head inside her building.
I walk her all the way up to her house and again, it's so hard to say goodbye since I want to be with her so badly but I have to get home and talk with Victoria.
"I'm home!" I yell and enter the living room. I find Victoria talking on the phone.
"oh Gerard just got home. Yeah. Umm... Sure. That'd be nice. Thank you. I'll be downstairs and just call me. Kay.. Bye." she smiles to herself and does a little giggle before she turns to me.
"who were you talking to? Mr. Mystery date?"
"yeah I was. He's giving me a ride to work!" she giggles again.
"so you guys are together or what?"
"well... Not officially. We're dating... But we're not. Gets?"
"we're just kind of off-and-on. We're friends but I don't know if he likes me back. I'm afraid to tell him. There are a few hints that seems like he likes me but then again what if he's just being friendly."
"so you're not together?"
"no. But yes. We're really good friends but.. I WANT to be with him but don't know if I should."
"oh okay. I get it. So it seems like you both like each other but he won't ask you out?"
"I thought you guys were together all this time." I laugh, "well, give it time. He might just be shy."
"I guess... Anyway, I need to talk to you about something."
"oh yeah, what is it?"
She inhales and exhales, "I want to move out." she looks at me with furrowed eyebrows.
"well, now that you and Edith are together, I was thinking that it would be best if I move out. I mean, you're with her but living with me? It seems odd since we've also had our past."
"but Edith doesn't mind! Don't worry about that! You're not a bother."
"well thanks but it's not only that. I also want to do something on my own you know? Be independent. I might be going back to school anyway to expand my nursing career. But I just want to feel life on my own."
"I understand. Well if you want to do that you're more than welcome to. I'm glad you're making this decision. It's always good to be independent."
"thanks for understanding. I'll really miss you though."
"I'll miss having you around too. You just give me your address and I'll visit. Where and when are you planning to move?"
"where? Not sure yet. When? Soon hopefully."
"right okay. Well you just let me know."
"alright. So I really have to go." she gets up, "I'll see you in the morning."
"alright. Bye bye." I hug her goodbye and watch her run out of the house. I walk over to the window and stalk her mystery guy. I don't see anyone outside but a black Range Rover. I then see her appear and she runs inside the car. The car makes a U-turn and disappears in the distance.
"hmm, weird." I tell myself. That car looked awfully familiar.
Since no one is home, I lay in bed hugging Gerard's teddy bear close to my chest and look up at my ceiling. I giggle a few times remembering Gerard's touch and how much I love to hug him and kiss him. I then close my eyes and remember Harry and my nights with him when we use to cuddle and talk. I shoot my eyes open and shake my head sitting up. I look at my night stand and there sits his teddy bear. I grab it and set it down on my lap next to Gerard's. I look at both of them and compare.
I realize after a while of thinking, that I never really loved Harry as much as I would ever love Gerard. I thought I did though. I thought he was my life and he was for the best. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. I highly appreciate him though because he really was a great boyfriend. I'll never regret being his girlfriend because we did have our good moments. I hope one day he finds his first love. Then he'll understand how it is to be without your true love.
I set his teddy bear down and just keep Gerard's in my hands. I then grab my phone and dial his number.
"hey." he answers.
"is everything okay?"
"a little. Not really though."
"why what's wrong? Missing anything?"
"what is it?"
"I'm missing you. Do you think you could come by? No one's home." there's silence for a while, "I'll be there in a heart beat." he says with a giggle.
"awesome. I can't wait."
About half hour later, I hear a knock on my door and I run to open. I open it and throw myself on him hugging him tightly. We then enter my room and lay down under the covers.
"I was lonely without you." I tell him as he brushes his fingertips on my arm.
"I was already missing you too."
"I don't think living in different areas is a good idea." I tell him.
"I know. We should live together."
"we should. It would make life so much easier."
"yeah. Vicky is moving out."
"she wants to start her own life independently you know?"
"oh yeah, I get it. I wanted that when I was 16." I laugh.
"maybe you could move in with me."
"yeah, but I have a better idea."
"and what's that?" he props up on his elbow and looks down at me. I can see a smile spread across his face.
"it's a surprise." I whisper and kiss him.
"I like surprises." he laughs and hovers over me. We start to kiss as if we've never kissed before and we're hungry for each others lips. He touches my waist and makes his way down my thigh and picks it up wrapping it around him. I pant as he nibbles on my neck and sinks down lower on me. I brush my fingers through his hair as he kisses down my neck bringing my shirt over breast.
"wait.." I say stopping myself.
"yeah?" he pants and looks at me.
"I don't quite want to do this right now. Not ready.. Exactly if that makes any sense."
"I understand sugar. It's okay." he kisses me once more and lays back down next to me again.
"I just want our first time I quote, to be nice. You know, since we're starting over."
"alright, that sounds good to me."
"thanks for understanding. "
"no problem. Anything for you."
"thanks. I love you Gerard."
"I love you too Edith. Till death."