I was inspired by the authors of 'Jedi Potter' and the 'Fishbowl' series. Harry almost dies he is saved by some relatives he didn't know he had. (Needed to do a revamp)
- Lots of action to it, lots of viciousness, but no effing clue what's going on or happening. You need to slow down just a little bit and fill the readers in on what's going on. We're not watching a TV here, so you have to fill us in on the surroundings and what is actually going onn/leading up to the arrival at No. 4 Privet Drive.
Take some time to introduce the characters so we know who they are, especially since I have no idea about any of the other universe that you are crossing with here.
I am going to read the second chapter that is posted, but if there is no more clarification there than there is here, I probably won't read anymore as I am befuddled so far.
Author's responseSigh okay here we go, the reason why I didn't describe Privet drive or the house was because come on it's a non describeable house and neighborhood. Yes I know, you aren't watching TV but, when you read, what do you see? Not just word but don't you see the people, places, things and actions? Because if you don't, then you don't have an imagination.
Okay, I'm going to introduce the unrecognizable characters to those who don't know who they are. I know I should have done that in the first place anyway but yeah I'll do it.
- I just had a chance to reread the first chapter and must say that it is much easier to follow and understand. The descriptions give me an idea now of what certain people look like, like Sailor Saturn ... I remember watching Sailor Moon when I was younger and still had eyesight. She was a cutie.
As for Harry's half brother and sister, cool, very cool.
I look forward to reading chapter two now.
Author's responseI'm glad you liked it and once again I'm sorry.