Josh goes for a checkup. theres some Language
Matt looks at me, "Here, dude."
He hands me a dress and wig.
"Uh, why the fuck are you giving me a dress?"
"Dude, it's a disguise."
"The doctors office."
"It's so people don't freak, cause male pregnancies are super rare."
"And the dress is gonna hide my bump /how?/"
"You're gonna look like a chick so people don't notice you're a dude."
"Won't they figure it out somehow?"
"I've got some thermal underwear you can wear under the dress, it'll look like leggings. You'll look like a punk chick if you wear your converse."
I go into the bathroom and change my clothes. I still have the damn morning sickness. So, the bathroom smells like shit.
Matt looks at me as I step out, a pink and black dress with black converse. He grins.
"Let's go sexy."
I am sitting in the office looking around. There are pregnancy magazines everywhere. I flip through them.
"Holy shit Matt. I can definitely relate to these ladies in this magazine. I have raging hormones and shit. Those ladies even say the morning sickness doesn't go away! Shit I'm tired of puking."
I breathe out, and look at him, "When are they gonna call us?"
I swallow some spit.
"The morning sickness is back...." I mumble standing up to go to the bathroom. Matt looks at me.
He blinks as I throw up.
"Joshie? They just called us."
I stand up and walk to the exam room. A nurse hooks me up to a pulse indicator.
"Wh-what are you doing?" I whisper.
"We need to check your vitals."
The doctor comes in.
"Hello Joshua. I'm Dr. Yosemite."
"I was alerted of your situation, and wanted to see how you, and the baby are doing. Since you are coming off of heroin, and have an eating disorder, we need to check everything."
"Bloodwork, and an ultrasound, and we are going to take a bit of umbilical fluid, to check on the fetus."
"How do you do that?"
"We will insert a needle in your abdomen and draw out umbilical fluid. It is painful though."
I tense up, "yikes."
Matt looks at me.
He kisses my cheek, "you'll do fine babe."
I blush, "Thanks."
The doctor comes in with a few things. He starts preparing a small needle to draw blood from. Then he grabs bottle of this lotion shit.
"OK, I'm going to do the ultrasound first." He squirts the lotion shit on me, and FUCK its COLD.
"Dude!" I gasp. "its FREEZING!"
He rubs a wand on my stomach and looks at the screen.
"Well, the kid is growing fine. It will be about 3 and a half months till the next trimester."
"I'm tired of the puking." I say. "I'm tired of not holding shit down."
"Yeah. Do you have anything to make it better?"
"I can perscribe medicine for it."
"How the hell did I get preggers?" I whisper.
"I am going to run a DNA test on you and your, uh, partner."
"We aren't married, and I have no idea how it happened!!!"
Matt stickd ouy his arm, "I'm gonna do this for you babe."
The doctor draws blood, and takes it to the lab. About an hour later he comes in.
"I don't know how to explain this Josh but, you're preganent because you possess a rare gene taht allows a fetus to grow...."
"Why the FUCK did I not know about this sooner?!"
"You weren't supposed to be told you posses a child-carrying gene, unless something like THIS happened."
"So, is it Matt's kid or not?!"
"no, Josh, judging by the tests you were raped."
"I don't even fucking REMEMBER it. I must've been high."
Matt kisses me. I push him away.
"Why the FUCK was it me?! I don't fucking get it! I'm a recovering bulimic and heroin addict. Now I have a kid on the way?! Why the FUCK WAS IT ME?!"
I'm sobbing now.
Matt wipes my tears away. He kisses me again.
I look at the next needle--and it's eleven fucking inches long!
Matt looks at me. He gives my hand a squeeze. I watch him put some numbing cream on my stomach. I am pretty fucking nervous. The doctor grabs the needle.
"Okay Josh, I'm inserting the needle."
He pushes it into my stomach, and it fucking HURTS. I feel it go through the muscle and skin. Finally it hits the umbilical cord, and it hurts like fucking hell!! I can feel it go back out, and I feel really nauseous from it. The doctor pulls some gauze out, and dabs the wound. He tapes fresh gauze down, and the room is spinning. I feel like I could fucking die. He gives me some water, and a straw. I sip the water, and close my eyes.
"Josh, are you okay?" Matt says.
"Matt, I wanna go home." I whisper.
"I know, babe."
"I feel sick...make it stop. Make the room stop spinning...."
I look at him pathetically, my eyes are watering, and the lights are so fucking bright they're giving me a headache.
He looks at me, "You feel like crap?"
"Yeah, can you give me the trash can, I think I'm going to throw up."
He hands me the trash can, and I throw up. Again. I catch my breath, and puke once more.
"Fuck, Matt. Make it go away." I gasp. I hate this.
Dr. Yosemite walks in with a prescription.
"Here is your morning sickness medicine, and Josh, I will see you in a month for another check up with the baby."
"No more needles, I feel too damn sick to go through this again........" I whisper.
"Well, Josh, the bloodwork, and umbilical fluid tests will not be needed next time, we can do an ultrasound only."
"Great." I say. I'm basically out of breath from all the throwing up. Matt helps me off of the exam table, and takes me to the car.
"I'm driving." Matt says firmly,
"Because you would kill us of you did."
"Fine, but run me through McDonalds, I'm craving fucking fries and chocolate sauce." I say.
"Dude, thats gross."
Fuck you I'm preggers." I smirk.
He leans over and kisses me.
"I want a large order of fries! and Chocolate sauce!" I scream at him.
"Jesus Joshie, okay." He laughs as he pulls into the drive-thru window.
"Hello and welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you?"
"I'll take a large fries, with...uh....chocolate sauce on the side."
"Sir, did you say /chocolate sauce?/"
"Yeah, my friend's crazy." He says, trying to get the person to undersand.
"COME ON! THIS ISN'T BURGER KING GUYS! BUT GET THE SAUCE, HE WANTS IT HIS WAY!" The person screams at the crew.
I laugh, Dane Cook is amazing. Matt pulls up, and I am out of the dress, and in jeans and a shirt, I got changed THAT FAST.
He grabs the bag and hands it to me, "check your shit Josh, I'm not pulling back if its wrong, becasue the line is fucking huge."
I open the bag, and see fries, and a thing of chocolate syrup, not sauce, but its better than nothing.
He pulls away, and I'm munching on the fries. By the time we get to the pharmacy I look like shit.I'm sweating and my hair is matted to my face.
"I'm hot, and the car is spinning."
"You wanna come in to get your meds?"
"Yeah." I walk into the drug store, and find one of those seats they have elderly people sit on, and I lie down. I feel so fucking shitty, and dizzy.
I watch people go by, as I try to hold the fries down. Matt comes back with a paper bag, "Here are your meds Josh. You okay?"
Am I okay?!
I feel like shit, and I just want to go home.
"I wanna go home." I groan.
"Do you need to go outside?"
I sit up, and Matt helps me stand, we walk to the car. Then, I double over, and throw up on the asphalt. Its all over my shoes, and jeans. He rubs my back, as I vomit again. This is fucking crazy. I look at the strings of fries on the ground. Well, so much for food.
Matt takes me back, and I fall on my bed, shaking. He rubs my back to calm me down. I sit up a bit, and look at the room, Ian and Mike are sitting there.
"Hi, I feel like shit, sorry."
"Its cool Josh." Mike says.
"So, is it a boy or a girl?" Ian asks.
"We dunno, its more or less of a sea-monkey right now."
"Dude!" Ian says, "That's hilarious!"
"Lemme know when you find out the sex, we should throw a party!" Ian says.
"A baby shower?" Matt says.
"Yeah, why not? Mike says.
"Its kinda crazy for a baby shower be for a pregnant male." I pipe up.
"Nah, its cool, we can invite our parents."
"Why not Josh?"
"If my parents found out I was knocked up, and came to my baby shower, my head would be on the mantle of the fireplace!"
"Its not gonna be that bad, we just are going to eat some cake and open gifts, like a birthday or something."
"I don't think you should have mentioned food," Matt says.
I look at my friends and boyfriend, "Anybody got a bucket?"
I throw up again, and Matt gives me a huge pill.
"What is this, a fucking horse pill?" I gasp.
"No idea why its that big, but its the morning sickness medicine."
I swallow it, and fall back on the bed.
He kisses my face, and tucks me in like I'm a little kid.
I close my eyes, "Night sexy."
And I'm out.....
HELLO EVERYONE! I AM SORRY I HAVE NEGLECTED THIS! I have beens SUPER busy right now, and it SUCKS. and I am on a sinus antibiotic agian, yes, I am on a horse pill. tahts what I call it cause its so huge! anyway R&R? xo Jules