The morning breeze hitting my cheeks from this open window sends shivers all over my body as I sit on the window sill looking down at the city. My cheeks have turned red; I can see it through the window reflection. I drink my cup of hot chocolate with small sips. My nervouseness doesn't let me drink it any faster. I close my eyes and furrow my eyebrows as I remember the event two days ago with my crush.
We were at the Christmas parade in downtown. It was beautiful. The lights were very bright full of happiness and everyone was just having a good time. I remember when the snowflake ballerinas through roses in the air. He caught one and gave it to me.
"here, for you." he said to me. I smiled shyly and responded thank you. He looked back and forth at my eyes and lips but.. Looked away after a short second when his cheeks turned pink.
I've known him for a while now and up until now, I don't know if he likes me or not. He sends out signals but... Not sure if he's just being friendly or what. He also just came out of a relationship. And he liked his ex very much..
"what are you doing?" I hear a voice come in. I turn around and find Gerard walking towards me with a muscle shirt rubbing his eyes.
"nothing, just looking out the window." I respond. He grabs a chair and sits next to me by the window.
"you seem gloomy. Why?" he says looking at me through squinted eyes and a smirk.
"I dont know.. It's a gloomy day." I giggle.
"come on," he punches my thigh lightly, "what's really going on."
"I miss him."
"who? You're crush?"
"yes." I pucker my lips burrying my face in my knees.
"what happened? You guys broke up?"
"how can we brake up if we're not even together? Nothing happened. I just.. haven't talked to him in two days."
"I dont know.. He's been busy. I've been busy."
"why don't you give him a call?"
"I dont know.."
"come on, just do it."
"later... I guess. It's too early right now."
"who is he anyway? Come on! Tell me!"
"no I can't."
"Vicky, are you hiding something from me?" he scolds. I step off the ledge and walk in the kitchen.
"Vicky.." he follows.
"I can't tell you."
"why not? What's so wrong? Oh my god... It's not Matt is it??"
"no! Of course not!"
"oh thank god, phew.."
"he got over me long ago anyway."
"then who is it?"
I think about it for a second. Should I tell him? It's risky but... I do trust him. I think I can trust him to not tell Edith..
"fine.. Sit.." I lead him to the couch. I sit across from him and he stares at me with a wide smile rubbing his hands together. I take a deep breath...
"well.. As you know... I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now. And... I really like this guy, I'm sure you can tell. But I'm not sure if anything can happen between me and him.."
"are you proposing that he's gay?" he laughs.
"no! Stop! I'm being serious!"
"okay fine, tell me."
"it's Harry." I say quickly. His smile instantly fades and his face turns pale.
"what?!" he says sternly looking into my eyes with death.
"I'm so sorry! Please don't tell Edith!!" he doesn't respond. I cover my mouth fighting back my tears. He looks at me with wide open eyes. He blinks and then looks at the ground with the same face expression.
"what?!" he says again.
"oh my god Gerard!" I stand angrily and walk away pacing.
"I cannot believe this." he says still sitting. I stop pacing and look at him tapping my foot.
"listen, if you're going to scream, I don't want to hear it and if you're going to tell Edith, I don't care. Go ahead and tell her." I cry wiping my nose.
"Vicky.." he stands, "I'm not mad. I'm happy for you but him?!"
"oh my god stop!" I pout.
"I promise I won't tell Edith but... How did this happen?"
"well, the day of the wedding after he punched you, I went to help Frank calm him down. And so I did and we had a talk. We exchanged numbers and I told him he can count on me for anything. I was just trying to be nice. I wasn't looking for anything with him. Just friendship but then, we kept getting closer and closer and we soon became good friends. And as we kept hanging out more, I started to take notice in him and soon started to develop a crush on him."
"wow, that's unbelievable. Well, why do you think you won't have a chance with him?"
"because.. I dont know. Why would he take interest in me?"
"why wouldn't he! Victoria, you're beautiful okay?" he grabs both my hands together into his grip. He looks at me with such a sweet and warming smile.
"he doesn't like Edith anymore right?" when he says this, his smile fades and becomes serious.
"no.. I dont know.. I don't think so."
"okay good. He better not." he lets go of my hands and walks to the kitchen.
"please don't tell Edith." I follow behind him.
"I won't but why can't I?"
"I don't want her to think I'm taking her ex you know? I don't want the same problem that happened in high school to happen again."
"it's not gonna happen. Besides, it's different know. I'm sure she'll understand." he grabs his cup of coffee and sips it.
"how do you know?"
"because she doesn't like him. She loves me."
"right." I giggle, "but wouldn't it be awkward?"
"that, I wouldn't know." he drinks again.
"hmm, well, what do you suggest I do?"
"well... I would tell you not to do it just because I hate the guy but since he makes you happy, I think you should just tell him. But..make sure he doesn't have feelings for Edith anymore because then it'd be awkward between you two you know? Because he'd still be hurt about their brake up and yadda-yadda.."
"right. Okay, but what if he rejects me even though he doesn't like Edith. Just because I'm her friend?"
"then he's a total douche! That's no reason to reject a girl. He should at least tell you if that were the reason why he rejected you."
"okay, what if he just doesn't see me that way because I'm not his type or something."
"that guy seems like a guy who likes girls with nice bodies. He looks like those alpha male guys. A guy like that wants a good looking girl. You're not ugly. You have a good body. Matt thinks you're hot. Why wouldn't he think so?"
"because he's a ten and Matt's a five."
He bursts into a hysterical laugh.
"okay c'mon, he's not that hot. I've seen guys stare at you when you're in your bikini. You're not ugly dammit!"
"fine! But.. Ugh.. I'll try."
"that sounds better." he sets his mug down, "alright, I have to get ready and go to work. Tell me how your day goes."
"thanks." he gives me a long warm hug and kisses my head before he hits the shower. I go and sit on the couch and lay down and think about Harry. He can't be that much of a douche to reject me that bad. He's actually very sweet and sends out flirtatious signals. What's the worst that could happen..
I stared into my bamboo plant sitting at the corner of my living room. It has grown so much; I should probably cut it since I haven't done so in the past weeks. I've been too busy with so many things, I forget I have to clean my house. Luckily it's not that dirty... She came by one day and saw a mess. She decided to be sweet enough to clean it. I didn't know how to thank her. So I took her out to eat and made a fool out of myself because I took her out for Indian food. Turns out she doesn't like Indian. I felt embarrassed even though she thought it was cute. I thought she looked cute that day too. She was wearing a large wool black sweater with a white scarf. Her leggings were "cross" printed and she was wearing combat boots. Her beautiful long burgundy hair flowed with the wind as we walked down the street in New York that night. It was sure a night to remember. I actually planned that day, to tell her I've been crushing on her but decided against it. Since I thought she would reject me because of.. Edith.
I haven't seen Victoria in two days. Imagine that. Two days. Seems like a lot to me. The night I gave her the rose at the parade, I was so happy to be there with her. I just wanted to hug her close to me. But I don't think that can ever happen...
I keep staring at the plant, in dead silence as I eat my breakfast this morning. I check the time on my phone and when I unlock it, I see the photo of us I have as a wallpaper. She invited me to her yoga class about 2 weeks ago and we took a picture. I've had it as my wallpaper since then. Thank god she hasn't noticed it.
Honestly, I might sound crazy since I've said this before but I actually think I really like her.
Sure, I said the same thing about Edith. In fact, I even thought I loved her! But I know for sure, that Victoria is different. I know it for a /fact/. When I'm with her, I'm a total different person. She brings the nice and awkwardness out of me. Between Edith and I.. And even Hailey.. I sure did like them, but I just wanted to hold them close since they have awesome bodies.
Vicky does too... Believe me.. But, I want to hug her close because I actually love having her around. She understands me and I understand her. We clicked instantly and I know we can move on further in this friendship. But there's only one barrier.. And it's Edith.
I soon shake my thoughts away and get up to put the dishes in the dish washer. And then I remember, my piece for the winter production is complete and today we have rehearsals in the main theatre. As I walk back to the table, I notice my phone light up and it's a text message from Victoria. My heart skips a beat as I read what she sent. /Hey/
I then think over of what to reply.
I don't reply, but call instead since a great idea popped in my head this very second.
"hello?" she answers. Her beautiful voice fills my ears.
"hey, how are you?" I respond.
"fine. I noticed we haven't talked in two days so I wanted to ask you if you'd like to accompany me somewhere today."
"sure, that's awesome. Where too?"
"my company. My piece for the show is finished and we have rehearsals in the main theatre today. I want you to see it before anyone."
There's a short pause.
"sure. I'd love to see it."
"great. Uhh, is Gerard there?"
"no, he just left."
"okay, mind if I go over?"
"not at all. Just call me when you're downstairs. I'll be getting ready in the mean time."
"alright. Uhh, awesome."
"can't wait to see you."
"can't wait to see...you either. Bye." I hang up. I stay silent for a second thinking over the words she just said. /She can't wait to see me/.
I park in front of her apartment and as I step out of my car, I wipe my hands on my pants nervously. I lean on my car and wait for her just like she said.
Moments later, I see her appear, walking down the stairs. My heart melts at the site of her. She has her hair tied in a high bun which really brings out the pink in her cheeks.
"hey." she says as she opens the front door stepping out.
"hey." I respond drawing a line with my lips. I take my hands out of my pockets and take her in for a hug. I hug her tightly as she pats my back twice. We let go and smile at each other. I stare straight into her green eyes and look away as I feel my face turn hot. I open the car door for her and she steps in.
"have you eaten yet?" I ask as I drive.
"yeah. Just ate a bowl of cereal."
"and that fills you up?"
"a little." she giggles.
"uh-uh, you need a real meal. How about after this we go out for lunch. Sounds good?" I look at her with the best smile I've got.
"sounds perfect." her cheeks turn slightly pink. I look away back into the road and also start to blush myself.
As we both step out of my car and walk side by side on the sidewalk, I get urge to grab her hand and walk in holding hands. Her hand brushes against mine a few times and each time, I get more nervous.
I see the crosswalk light start to countdown signaling it's about to turn red. I then start to walk fast and brag her hand.
"come on, let's hurry." is my excuse. I hold her hand tight in mine. Once we hit the other side of the street we slow down.
"you scared me." she comments.
"oh I'm sorry." I giggle.
"I was walking with my head down when you grabbed my hand and pulled me."
"sorry." I say again and squeeze her hand tight as she does the same. And finally, I got what I wanted; to hold her hand as we walk down the street towards our destination.
I kept my head down once again as he led me into our destination. I look at our entangled hands and smile to myself. Holding his hand gives me the chills. But I'm so happy I don't want to let go.
He opens the door to the building and leads me inside.
"hi Lydia." he greets the lady at the front desk.
"hi Harry." she says without looking up. He then leads me into another door into a hallway full of doors. We enter a a big door and he leads me through the dark into what seems to be the main stage.
The dancers sit on the ground and when we step onto the stage, they smile at Harry and I.
"hello everyone." Harry greets them.
"hello." they repeat.
"before anything, this is my friend Victoria." he puts me on the spot and everyone's attention is towards me now. He lets go of my hand and claps his hands together.
"hi Victoria." they all say.
"hello." I respond.
"okay anyway, are you guys warm?"
"yes!" they respond.
"good. So are we ready to give this piece a try on the stage?"
"whoo!" they all chant and get off the ground.
"great." Harry turns around and grabs my hand again leading me off the stage. We enter a small stair case onto the seats.
"you can sit wherever you'd like. I'll be over there with the tech crew fixing some stuff okay?"
"alright." I smile. He hugs me goodbye and disappears up the steps into the tech room. I sit in the middle of the section right in front of the stage. The music starts to play and the lights shine the stage.
As the dancers move a long the stage, I can't stop keeping my eyes wide open in amusement. Harry is such a creative guy. He has a theme of The Nightmare Before Christmas and even though the dancers don't have their costumes yet, you can surely tell who's part of Halloween and who are the Santa's little helpers. It's a battle between the two full of entertainment. Even the lighting and music really captivates your attention and makes the movements perfect.
As the music comes to a finish, Harry runs down the stairs and walks towards the stage. The music completely stops and the main lights turn on. The dancers move out of their final position and walk towards Harry at the end of the stage.
"everything was really good. I liked it and you guys seem to have more energy here on stage. Very good. But uhh, Shanelle, Tory, Mark and Hailey if you guys could just move a little more towards upstage right on that ponché that'd be great." he stares back onto the stage without saying anything for a second.
"okay, again from the top." he calls. The dancers go inside their wings and Harry comes back up the stairs. He walks up looking at the ground but then locks eye contact with me.
"how was it?" he asks joining me.
"I really liked it. It's really good. You're very creative."
"thanks. How's the lighting? I'm not sure if I like it too much."
"it looks fine to me. Depends how you want it though."
"I guess." the music starts to play again and the magic begins.
After about an hour of rehearsals, Harry decides to stop and take a break. Throughout the whole thing, Harry kept directing and adding new stuff and taking things out. Seeing him take control seemed pretty attractive of him. Assertive guys are my type of thing.
"I'm sorry if you got bored." he says as I walk down the steps.
"no it's okay. I wasn't bored. I actually found it very interesting."
"alright." he smiles. The dancers step off the stage and exit the back door. Harry and I follow the dancers into the dancing room where they grab their stuff ready to leave.
"okay, overall, it was really good. I'm proud of all of you. Although, you need to work on that spin Mark."
"got it." he says holding a thumbs up.
"measurements for costumes is next week. Make sure you don't miss. Alright, rehearsal is over thank you everyone." he bows. We stand there until everyone exits the room. Once everyone is gone, he grabs his jacket from a desk at a far corner and we head out.
"what are the costumes going to be like?" I ask as we walk down the street to get lunch.
"nothing too extravagant because there's a lot of spins and lifts but something that compliments the theme."
"Right. I really like the theme though. A rivalry between Christmas and Halloween. Nice."
"oh thanks. I was hoping you'd notice. They're my two favorite holidays."
"mine too." I agree. He looks at me with a smile. I then lock arms with him and send him a flirty smile, hoping he catches it. His smile turns into a grin. We hold eye contact for a second then he looks away.
As we wait for the cross walk to turn green, I notice an old man selling flowers with little messages on them. I look at one smiling when the old man speaks to me.
"you're a beautiful young lady." he says to me.
"oh thank you." I notice Harry turn around.
"aren't you going to buy your beautiful girlfriend a rose?" he turns to Harry. I watch Harry and he just widens his eyes expressionless.
"oh I'm not his girlfriend." I respond with a nervous giggle and a broken heart realizing that I'm not his girlfriend and probably will never be. His face expression proved it.
"oh that's too bad." the old man says. I notice the crosswalk light turn green and we both turn around to cross. I look down at the ground again feeling heart broken and coming back to reality where Harry and I aren't dating. I then notice his feet pivot. I then shoot my head up and follow his movement. He runs back to the old man, taking his wallet out. He gives the man some money and comes back with a flower in hand. He looks into my eyes without expression as I look at him in awe. He half smiles shyly, "here. Keep it." he hands it over to me. I grab it with a shaky hand.
"thank you." I whisper and embrace him in a hug. We hug in the middle of the street until we hear a car honk and we brake the hug running to the other side of the street.
We walk down the street in silence and again, I walk with my head down and locked arms with him. I look at the flower and read the note it has attached to it.
/You are my first love./
I smile to myself. As much as this makes me happy and feel all warm inside, I can't help but feel confused. Yes he bought me a flower and he's been the sweetest with me, but he still gives off signals that he doesn't want a relationship. He stares off into space sometimes and looks down at his right hand, where he wears a bracelet. He looks at it and furrows his eyebrows and looks into the distance again.
He's distant sometimes and gives off this vibe that says /I'm still hurt and confused/. At least that's what it feels like to me. He says he doesn't like Edith anymore but sometimes misses her. Is that even possible? After loving someone so much, can you get over them that quickly? For that reason, I don't think he likes me. And if he were to, I don't think I can ever fill in that whole in his heart. That missing part that probably will forever be empty because he misses Edith.
We had a very nice lunch. We talked about everything else except of the incident that occurred in the middle of the crosswalk. I didn't bother asking why he did it nor did he bother bringing it up. So, we left it without a closure.
He parked in front of my apartment. I look up at my window and notice the window is still closed just like I left it. Gerard hasn't been home. I look up, not wanting to get out of the car. I look up.. Wanting to just drift on by my house and he driving us to his home where we can share our love...
Not gonna happen.
So I finally decided to step out. And when I did, I hadn't realized he also stepped out until I saw him standing looking up at the building as well.
"what are you doing?" I ask and stand next to him.
"looking up at the building. I was wondering what you were looking. I saw you looking up so I got curious."
I feel my face turn hot from embarrassment.
"oh.. It's nothing." I giggle nervously. I open the front door and just step on the first step of the stairs. I look straight into his eyes, since I'm at the right height now.
"well, thank you for today. It was really fun." I say with a smile. He smiles too. He looks down at the ground then back at me, "it was a pleasure having you around."
"so um, I guess I'll call you later."
"alright. Cool." I hug his neck and he hugs my waist tightly. I close my eyes and bury my face in his neck inhaling his sweet cologne. He hugs me tighter while running his hands on my back. I then pull away and continue looking into his eyes.
"um, thanks for the flower." I smile.
"you're welcome." He smiles back. He keeps me in between his arms and lowers his hand to my lower back. I look into his eyes and down at his lips as he does the same. The tension in the hug gets heavy. I push myself closer to his body as he pulls me in close. Little by little, we lean in and until we're breathing each others air, we collide our lips together gently with smoothness. I savor his soft lips in mine. I open my eyes slightly and notice his eyes are closed too. So then I close mine again and deepen the kiss brushing my fingers through his hair.
We slowly let go and look into each others eyes. His eyes sparkle as his smile widens. We slowly let go of our hug and just hold hands.
"uhh.. Thanks.. Again." I say shyly.
"you're welcome... Victoria." we let go of our hands slowly as I step backwards up the steps and close the door behind me.